How to deal with conflict

"Peace of mind is not the absence of conflict in life, but the ability to deal with it." ~ Unknown

I broke up a few years ago, unable to cope with the difficulties I was experiencing - a change in my lifestyle, loss of job security, a broken relationship with my parent, bereavement, severe physical injuries, and gradually, in all of that, a serious mental illness.

All this time, until this month, I have been thinking and wishing: "I want all this to pass, I have never been."

I shut myself up - fearing the reaction of people to my mental health, I was convinced that my life was over at the age of twenty-three.

I will never be able to get a job again. People would be less afraid to talk to me if they knew the truth. I would never make a friend again, and those I could cling to as I gradually separated from the connection would eventually leave me.

My wish came true when I started hiding.

I stopped doing things that I loved, such as walking along the river and meeting close friends. I became very independent and very comfortable with all this fighting and conflict power that I was most concerned about disappearing from my sight.

I felt safe for the first time in months even though I had given up many things I loved. I was happy enough, and that was enough.

It didn't last long though. The space created by the absence of all those conflicts I wished to quickly escape filled with sorrow, sadness, and loneliness.

I also realized that what I was most eager to discard was the circling at the edge of my new "peace" situation - the papers I avoided, the stories I didn't write because I didn't think they were worth writing, and the ongoing state of paranoia. Who can I trust?

I think the worst thing that happened was the separation and how I could have separated at the same time my remaining friends, those I was afraid of getting lost due to misunderstanding and fear.

My mental health had changed dramatically and I had pushed the people I needed most closer to me. Not only did I lose a wealth of support, but I also deprived them of the opportunity to learn and understand me better.

I am now twenty-five years old. I have been working with a career therapist for a few months, trying to deal with areas of my life and my thoughts that prevent me from dealing with living the life I want.

I smile a lot. I applied for a job that I knew I could enjoy without worrying about the prospect of finding one. And I do not feel that it will be the end of the world if things do not go as planned or if I receive a lot of criticism. I feel more ready.

I can’t push my problems and hide from conflicts, no matter how difficult or intimidating they are all. I can’t avoid it and pretend it doesn’t exist. I have learned that in order to be confident and to move forward in life, I have to deal with my problems and have to fight.

I have to understand it not with fear, but with an open mind and willingness to learn. I have to be ready to listen, understand, show empathy, and recognize my mistakes. Things that keep me scared - I have to challenge them.

I still have bad days and sometimes I hide when everything gets too much. I'm not perfect but I don't think that's the point.

We are all embarrassed at some point and that means we can always try again. I have learned, and I have kept it to myself, that the most important thing to remember is this: once we are able to handle one conflict, the next one will not be so bad. That is a great weight for your thinking.