Healing, Not Hatred

I don't think there would be any one of us that could possibly say that we haven't been hurt deeply by another person, or several people, in our life. This could be either a case of being physically hurt, mentally hurt, or even both. Sadly, there are many people in the world who have absolutely no regard for the feelings and wellbeing of others. As long as they relieve themselves of the hurt, bitterness, resentment, anger, and frustration within themselves, these type individuals do not care one iota about who they hurt in the process. They will tread over whoever they have to, just to get their own way, and to feel good about themselves. Quite often, inflicting mental pain on others can be just as hurtful as physical pain. The latter reveals scars that are evident for all to see, but the former inflicts scars on the inside of people, to which others aren't even aware of. When people aren't aware of these internal issues that others are dealing with, then they don't offer any compassion or support. Many of us can't exactly sit here and claim to be angels either. Many times we have perhaps caused great internal pain to others also, be it intentionally, or unintentionally. For the sake of our own happiness, goals, and future, we indeed have to make decisions, and execute actions that are in our own best interest, which may potentially inconvenience others, or maybe even cause them anger and frustration, but for that we shouldn't harbour any regret. We need to be creating the life of our own design, after all, just as everyone else is entitled to do with their own life. It's the rudeness, lack of compassion, disrespect, hurtfulness, and nastiness that we commit, which is unnecessary, and can create a significant amount of mental scarring to others. Why would we have the urge to hurt others in any way? What would prompt us to be so nasty to others, and be wanting bad things to happen to them? One word, hatred!

Imagine the difference we would see in the world if there was no hatred. There would be no conflict between countries, and we would be living together in harmony. Hatred is what causes us to feel bitter, angry, and resentful. When people commit transgressions against us, hurt us, or cause us pain and suffering, it's not common for many of us to place our feelings and emotions aside, and simply move on. This particular person has caused us harm, sadness, and internal pain, after all. What gives them the right to do so, for starters, but what is the first reaction we, and many others, often resort to? Revenge, of course. We want to inflict pain and suffering back onto that person in return. Even when just thinking about a disagreement, where some untoward comments are thrown around, the more that disagreement escalates, the more it starts becoming personal. With each exchange of words, comes another opportunity to make that other person feel worse and worse, especially when they are throwing nasty comments in our face. Criticizing them, highlighting their faults, ridiculing them for their certain flaws, honing in on their weaknesses, and targeting their sore points and fragility. Sadly, many people can't even find the words to inflict the hurt and pain they want on others, so they resort to physical violence. All of this because of the hardness we have created within our own heart. We allow others to get under our skin, which ultimately provokes us to respond. That's exactly the reaction that these sort of antagonistic people want. They want to engage in a disagreement, be it physically or verbally, and they do so because they want to relieve themselves of that anger, frustration, hurt and bitterness within themselves. They believe that is their ultimate outlet to relief and release.

Other than regret and hurt coming off the back of a disagreement, there's one emotion that can often be triggered within us also, and that is hatred. Not only do many of us feel that sense of bitterness and resentment towards someone who has hurt us in some form or another, but we develop a total distaste towards them. That anger and frustration caused by their criticism, violence, abuse, or harmful comments leads us to hating them, even despising them. What good ever comes out of hatred though, what benefit? Easy answer, there is none. The only result that hatred actually achieves is that it imprisons us internally. Hatred prevents us from healing. Not only that, but it also sours our character. What these individuals have done to us, has angered us so much, that we have no intention of forgiving them. It's like we set this expectation that unless they come back and apologize to us, for how they treated us, then they don't deserve our forgiveness. We allow our pride to completely dominate our mindset and our thinking, that we refuse to forgive them for what they said or did to us. We may believe that taking a firm stance, refusing to forgive them, and continuing to remain resentful and bitter towards them, is all they deserve, and what we deem as being the best way to inflict any possible further pain back on them. The thing is, it's not them who are being impacted or harmed, as a result, we are actually causing further pain to ourselves. All that pain and hurt that this individual, or these individuals, have inflicted on us, we are keeping inside of us. We are denying ourselves inner peace and happiness, all because we choose to remain unforgiving and bitter. It's like shaking a bottle of coca cola. If we keep shaking that bottle, we see the pressure build up from the fizz, which cannot be released as the lid remains on, and the bottle is sealed. The more we continue shaking that bottle over and over, the more we are destroying the drink itself. After a while, the drink loses its fizz, and becomes flat. If you've ever tried flat coca cola, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about. The bottle represents us, the drink itself represents our life, the fizz and the pressure represents the anger and bitterness we harbour. By keeping the lid on that bottle, and harbouring those ill feelings of hatred, resentment, and bitterness, the more we are shaken by these feelings, the flatter we become. We lose our purity. Sure time may help mellow us a little, but we still remain unforgiving. We need to release that pressure, and the only way to do that is through forgiveness.

Many people have the belief that forgiveness is about going up to someone and apologizing, or telling them to their face that they have been forgiven. Forgiveness doesn't have to be like that at all. If you have the courage and nerve to approach someone who has hurt and pained you, and to state that you have forgiven them, well a credit to you, because that takes guts. Not always is that the wisest option of forgiveness though, because that can often cause a reaction, leading to the reignition of the disagreement and conflict. Forgiveness is about accepting that someone has transgressed against us, that they have deeply hurt us, and caused us great pain and suffering, but then detaching ourselves from those emotions, and accepting that they are a human being that makes mistakes, just like we do ourselves. Perhaps we believe that we wouldn't do the same thing to other people, but we are far from perfect ourselves, and we too have our own faults. Guaranteed, we would have hurt someone along the journey of our life. Hatred, bitterness, resentment, and revengefulness are all negative emotions to be carrying. None of these emotions can manufacture a positive result, in any form. We need to find the strength within our character to accept the transgression against us, acknowledge the fact that it has happened and cannot be taken back, and simply let it go. Let karma deal with those who transgress against us, and not try and take it upon ourselves to seek revenge. We need to focus our attention on the more important things in life, such as our own happiness, our goals, our health, and our family. Forgiveness is making the commitment to yourself that you are not going to hold onto any feelings and emotions, off the back of what this person has done to you, but instead you are going to pardon them of their wrong doing. Quite often, the transgression others commit against us, opens the door for wonderful opportunity, and a new direction in life. It can be a pivotal moment in life that leads to something amazing, even if we don't see it at the time. When we are hurt and pained, we need healing, and the only method of healing that comes after someone has transgressed against us, is forgiveness. We imprison ourselves by holding on to anger, hurt, bitterness, and resentment, but if we forgive others for their transgressions against us, we are freeing ourselves from those destructive emotions, leaving us to find that inner peace and happiness we all deserve. So when you have been hurt and pained by others, seek out healing, not hatred. Find forgiveness within your heart, and allow yourself that freedom to move on with your life in happiness and release.

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