Goodbye ana, and hello to me.

To Ana

To me.

Ana, you've been with me a while now, but I think that it might just be time to let you go soon. So please don't tighten your hold on me. You are a demon that only I can see. Or so I thought so anyway, until I realised that others could see it written all over my face.

You just cant do this any more ana, this just isn't your time or place anymore. I miss me.

So to me, the girl who would just eat the food, whatever the fuck it was that she wanted whenever the fuck it was that she wanted, please come back, I beg you. This girl with her frail bones and dull hair and flaking skin, her baggy saggy gaping clothes isn't me, this just isn't me anymore. SO I need you to come back and save me from myself, because it IS myself being killed here.

You've taken so so much from me ana, relationships and personality traits, fun, food, freedom, options and happiness, and one day I know that you're going to kill me. You WILL kill me I know that. And I know that for sure. But I will be damned if I let you do it any time fucking soon.

So the girl who could have fun, the girl who could enjoy things and look forward to things and spend time with friends even if it was just in her house or around the front green of her garden, please come back, because YOU were fun, you had hopes and dreams, even if all of that was battled by staying hidden away with my agoraphobia.

You had a sparkle in your eyes, you had a light in your laughter and smile, and I need you to come back now.

So dear me.

To me,

I miss you.

And to my dearest Ana

Oh ana

This is me telling you by writing this, that it is time for you to leave now. You cant stay here anymore. I am not ready to go just yet, and that's where you are going to, where you WILL almost certainly definitely lead me to. A certain death.

And I refuse

I refuse.

Goodbye Ana, its time for you to pack up your bags and leave

So please go quietly in the night so one day I just don't even notice that your gone, and it hits me and I feel happy again.

You don't make me happy or keep me safe.

That was a ll lies, so its time for you to leave now. Goodbye.