Gnothi Seauton: Know Thyself

Socrates says, in his book, Phaedrus, that "people make themselves appear ridiculous when they are trying to know obscure things before they know themselves."

It's taken me a while to get to this point; the edge of the cliff where I stand, ready to either jump and discover myself, freed from the burden of being, consciously or subconsciously, what everyone expects and wants me to be or to run back to the mansions on the other end with all its luxuries and shiny reflections of others, stained with the gloom and emptiness that comes with it.

It is here, at the edge of this cliff, that it becomes clear to me how essential it is to my existence and my sanity to know myself.

Confusion sets in like a bright light when you've been living in the shadows of other's expectations. You're expected to get good grades when you're in school; then you're expected to get yourself a job that pays the bills and leaves enough for charitable transactions; then there's marriage, and kids and retirement goals. You're concerned about what your parents want, what your friends will see, what those at church will say, what it will take for your boss to give you that promotion, what your spouse expects, what your children look up to and the list is endless.

But who are you? What do you want? What do you expect of you?

I lived a long time not expecting anything of myself. All I ever did was make mummy and daddy proud, do the cool things with my friends and just be happy because everyone was. On the inside I had no identity, except what people thought I was. It was easy to live with that; make their expectations my expectations and just go with the flow. Over a period, these kept changing because the people in my life kept changing. It got uncomfortable. I had to run away. I run as far away as I could and now i'm here at the edge of this cliff; asking myself, "who am I?"

It's a tough question to answer, in my opinion... but i'll try to break it down.

What do you like/love?

What disgusts you?

What annoys you?

What do you do when you are alone?

What do you think about?

What are your deepest darkest secrets? (The one thing no one knows and should ever know)

How do you react to people? What would you rather say to people if you weren't going to pay for it in any way?

Do you genuinely like hanging out with people? Or would you rather be alone all the time? What's your favorite place to go?

Who do you really want to be with?

What would you do if no one was watching?

What would you change if you had all the power to?

How do you really feel? What emotions are you hiding from everyone?

What's that one thing that you can do everyday of your life and not get tired of doing?

These questions are cliché. But here's what is different this time: at the end of each question, there's one other supporting question: Why?

Genuinely ask yourself if those answers are true and what makes them true.

Knowing thyself is a daily affair and I don't think it has an end; we learn new things about ourselves everyday and there's nothing shameful about that.

When you discover who you are, when you learn something new about yourself, appreciate you, work on you and be the best you!