Fears and Thrills

I just started a job for the first time day three I get sick even though I've been since before I started the job. I am the classic college student working as a Briesta at Dunkin Donuts. Since starting there I've been hesitate about so much. Living in the real world I learned that not everyone is truly nice. Very rarely are there truly kind people without a doubt. I only know of a few truly kind hearted people.

I've lived in Cleveland a year now almost. The large metropoltian area filled with people are kindly stuck up, and look down to the poor and homeless. There is a devastation in this fact, very rare do I see kind people around.

I know things aren't supposed to be easy, I know that. My weekend was okay, just filled with raw emotions. My mind says, I don't deserve this. My heart says I do. I don't want to settle for my mind telling something I know I deserve.

I think what I wish I had is not struggling constantly with the voices of doubt in my head, my heart having a say more then my mind.

I know stuff shouldn't make anyone happy, I just I want a nice house. Surrounded by my husband and children, I want an office space at home where I can writing and turn it into an oasis.

Maybe something simplar to this. My favourite YouTuber Sarra Cannon's office space. My Quark for OCD keeping everything neat and tiddy would be nice to do have.

I've been recently feeling ashamed because my studio apartment is so small I can't keep it neat and tiddy.

What I want to do is have a designated place I can create my content for YouTube. I want to design, dayplanners for all of those who don't just use digital dayplanners.

For all of those who want a paper design I want to do something simpler to do this. It's been a pain trying to figure everything out.

Dealing with a move, and the transfer I've been been able to prep for my move and create my prototypes at all yet. It's super annoying when I think I can do it all but I can't.

My Launch Day for OCD Queen Books is going to be June 21, 2025. After which I'm waiting a minimum of two years before making sure I start prepping for a physical location. This location will be called OCD Queen Bookstore and Cafe.

It's been so hard lately. Trying to keep up with everything with my businesses, and writing. I wanna keep up with everything.

My fears is always disappointing the people I love. I'm always afraid to say no.

For some, like myself it's fear of the unknown. I find it hard to trust but I learned when I know I'm on the right path things always go right. I learned trust is to be earned not given.

I have thought long and hard and have created an end game for leaving Cleveland.

"Project Cleveland End Game."

The hardest part was leaving Cleveland State University take time to heal my mental state.

Now it's trying to work until my moving date which won't be until July 16th this will give me time before that to look for an apartment before that. Make my next move.

The End Game is coming for Cleveland... To embark on my next journey.

My day over all was a great day, my expectations were very low for fear of disappointment. I should have let my expectations higher because if I did I would have a high reason to celebrate then just now.