Failing My Own Standards

Does anyone know what it's like to set such high expectations for yourself and then fail? It's a such a frustrating thing to deal with. I've realized what becomes of me when I let myself fall into the trap of sulking in my own disappointment, especially for myself. First, I try to do better by taking on way, way too much, then I get frustrated with people around me who aren't performing the way I want them to, and when I feel misunderstood, I just dig a hole for myself and sit there.

Why though? Why do I do that to myself? I set these overwhelmingly high standards for myself, and then when I fail, I beat myself up internally and then take it out on others externally. It's totally fine to dream big, and want the best for myself and others. But what's not okay, what's absolutely unacceptable, is the extreme self-criticizing that results from not meeting my goals. It's toxic, and it's unhealthy, and I won't stand for it anymore.

Yes, that's right, I'm sticking up for myself, to... well, myself. I have huge dreams and a lot of ideas. That much is true. However, I refuse to let my failures be the black hole that sucks my energy. So what? I didn't do a load of laundry today. So what? I missed a deadline. For every closed door there's another one waiting just waiting for me to burst through! I know I'm not perfect. I know that some days I wake up wearing the same outfit from yesterday and I may have forgotten to brush my teeth at night and yes, I know there are other people in their mid-twenties light years ahead of me right now. But does any of that mean that I give up? I don't think so!

I dug this hole, but you know what? I'm done sitting in it. The next time I miss a deadline or forget to do my laundry, I learn from it. What can I do differently? And if I should fail again? And again? And again? Well, you only get one life and you know what I say? I might as well make life great, even when I've failed a million times. I know I can make life great because the words I use, what I speak into existence, is what matters. Forget the damn deadline and the pile of laundry! How did I treat myself and others in the process? The only way out of this pit of despair is for me to get off my ass, keep trying, and always aim to let God light my path, which sometimes means for me to keep a positive attitude, and to never stop trying.

I know this might sound really cheesy and maybe this post sounds like it's not going anywhere. But rest assured, it is. Why don't I have any concrete examples here? Well, that's because I am not ready. For you see, I am still in labor. The dreams I will give birth to don't necessarily have a due date, but all I know is that I am not ready to give birth yet. So, until then, I work on self-confidence instead of self-doubt, self-encouragement instead of self-criticizing, self-love instead of self-hate. I know that I have what it takes to bring my dreams into fruition, and I also know God has my back. So no matter, the circumstance, I'm going to keep pushing.

And to anyone out there who is struggling to deal with failure... I just want you to recognize one thing: no matter how many times you fail or succeed, your value remains the same: inconceivable. You are beautiful, you are wonderful, and nothing in this world can EVER tamper with your internal worth, no matter how you feel or what the world tells you to feel. You are worth the very best. :)