Expectation Beyond Isolation

Initially there were so many things I had yearned for when the isolation began to affect my well being. I was in constant longing for activities like getting bubble tea, hitting up Chiu Quon Bakery, going to my improv class at IO, and most importantly making money to be able to do those things. None of these desires have subsided, but they are no longer the bus driver on route to Freedom Town. What is navigating my post quarantine intentions now are the changes I have made in my life during these two months. I'm most excited to have the habits I've formed in quarantine exist in life outside of confinement.

This gal has some pretty profound ADHD, and it has made forming any habit sometimes impossible. For the average person creating a new habit can take roughly a month to make happen, for me it generally takes several to never; because either I completely forget when something else catches my attention, or say yes to too many opportunities at once, and am unable to keep everything together. As the world forced me to put the brakes on my life, and significantly limit access to all the things that distracted me, I've formed habits that I have failed at for years. Right now, I am sitting down and writing! There are two paragraphs on the page at this moment, and it is a notable development for me.

At base, all I did was create a schedule and stuck to it. For most this is a rather simple task, but my entire life it's felt like I've been trying to get to space on a donkey. Not anymore, though, I created one and have committed to it every day. It is GLORIOUS! Now my days begin with an alarm, and will continue with several more by 4:00 p.m. The first one goes at seven in the morning, and I get up to feed the dog and make a cup of coffee; but, I go back to the bed as soon as the coffee is in my mug. My whole day is better when I give myself time in the sheets, though I do not go back to sleep, I stay active.

I'm gonna wait for you to finish the sex joke in your head. . . Okay.

So as to have no excuse not to do these things, I have put my journal and calendar right next to where I sleep, that way when my alarm goes off they are right there where I need them. First I journal about all the things I want to accomplish that day and reflect on how I'm feeling. Then I take that information and add it to the calendar, along with a set of activities I have for each week, for the remainder of the year. I set the alarms I need for the day, to remind me that this bitch has got to do something other than social media. Then I relax before the next alarm.

Aaaand, 8 AM is here. The alarm is titled, WORKOUT. A full hour is blocked out for this, and I use that to either run, just walk for the whole hour, or dance around my apartment like I'm on E at a rave in 1999. I learned that if I make myself run everyday, or just walk everyday, or just do a video, I get bored as hell. Now I allow myself the freedom to act in a way that is comfortable with how I'm feeling. The only stipulation is that I do something active, anything, everyday. So on days when I just don't want to have an elevated heart rate, I go for a walk and see my neighborhood; and now I wave to all my neighbors because I am starving for new human contact.

Next alarm, 9 a.m. I shower and then eat. Ten, gotta take the pooch out. He likes to meander so we take a half hour. Ten thirty, the fifth alarm, PRACTICE ITALIAN. Yep, I dedicate a half hour of every day to it because once this is over my partner and I want to move to Italy. Really we just wanna live internationally, Italy is just where I have family, so it might be easier to get a visa. . . Fingers crossed.

Alarm at 11, and this once changes throughout the week. Some days I get ready to film for my YouTube Channel, Knife Knife. Others, I work on developing recipes, and some days I am recording for an upcoming podcast. One day a week I set aside this hour to clean. Whatever it is, I get the whole hour for it.

Then the 12 o'clock alarm hits, and the next three hours are blocked out. I use this time to film on Monday and Thursday for the channel and my Patreon, and on three other days I'm writing. Once work is back in my life the filming will be dedicated to my days off, because I won't have time on work days with commuting. On the days I work, the writing won't be three hours worth, half actually, but it will be there on the calendar and in the alarms. Just please, oh please future me stick to it.

These time blocks all need to stay with post quarantine me, but particularly the last one, even if it is just a shortened version of it. Right at that time is when I'm doing what I want: I'm filming, I'm writing, I'm creating. These are all the things I want to do for a good portion of my life, and maybe the rest of it. This is why I took sketch writing classes, and comedy courses, and creative writing workshops, and volunteered as a camera person for two years. TO GET TO DO THIS! Before quarantine I would let so many things get in the way: classes, outings, so much goddamn Netflix and Hulu (Honestly probably more than anything else). The pandemic, though, caused me to temporarily lose my job, so I had to cancel my accounts. I can't go anywhere and be distracted. There is nothing left to lead me away. I am doing this activity that takes concentration everyday, my brain's number one shortcoming, and I'm making it a habit; in an amount of time that I've never been capable of before as well!

When the quarantine is lifted, I want all those things to be with me that first day, and the rest to follow. Of course, yes, I want to go dancing, and do improv, and eat at my favorite spots and freaking hug my friends! This though, has given me a feeling of accomplishment I've yet to feel, and looking beyond these days I want to see myself right where I am in these moments: putting down words in a story or a script, setting up my filming equipment, or making a new recipe for people to cook for their friends at a dinner party.