Excuses

“One who wants to do something will find a way; one who doesn’t will find an excuse.” Confucius

Are you one of those people who makes excuses? I know you are because we all are. Excuses are normal and common.

The definition of an excuse is “a reason or explanation given to justify a fault or offence”.

When we think that we made a mistake, we will find a way to rationalize, justify our mistake or lessen its effect. The motive is to preserve our self-image because there is often a discrepancy between our real self and our ideal self.

The excuses are actually very effective coping mechanisms if we do not use them too often. There are some researches that have shown that people who use excuses for some mistakes can preserve their self-image in this way. They can be more careful in the next similar situation, and they tend to do better than the people who could not make an excuse or whose excuses were not accepted. (Snyder, C. R., & Higgins, R. L. (1988), ‘Excuses: Their effective role in the negotiation of reality’, Psychological Bulletin, 104, 23–35)

These are the positive sides of excuses, but those are not the focus of ours today. The other side of the coin is much more interesting. Because, if there were no excuses, what would happen? We would have to be responsible for our actions.

Well, would you look at that? Isn’t that what being a grown-up and mature person is what is all about? Realize that your actions have consequences and you need to be responsible for them?

It is my deepest belief that excuses lead to procrastination, a path of least resistance and in the end, to disappointment. But it is easier to find an excuse than to take full responsibility for our actions. That is human nature. It is an Ego trip: we do not want to admit that we made a mistake, or we try to diminish it by blaming the circumstances.

“The teacher does not like me, that is why I have bad grades”.

“My boss is a moron, so I cannot get a promotion”.

“I got a flat tire, then I was stuck in traffic, and that is why I am two hours late for a meeting.’’

Do these lines sound familiar?

People who are good at finding excuses are usually not so good at doing what they need to do. It does not matter if they are employees, self-employed or students: their rationalizations become so good, that they are almost anticipating their mistakes or lack of doing and have a response for that situation. And how do I know this?

The champion of excuses

I am the champion of excuses! Just ask my wife — she will confirm it with an “I told you so” smile :).

I have known for years that excuses are usually bad for you and that you should avoid them. Yet, somehow, very often, I find an excuse to use the excuse: “Yes, I agree I should do this. But in this situation, I cannot do because of… (you can fill in the blank)”.

In my 41 years of life on this planet, I have got a lot of things done. But I have procrastinated in too many situations and wasted too much precious time. The time I could have used to do a hell of a lot more. You cannot bring that time back, but you can make sure that you do not repeat the same mistakes.

The takeaway

So, no more excuses! No explanations! Get the shit done!

When you are swamped at work and your boss hands a new task, just do it.

When you need to exercise, and you are too tired, just do it.

When you come home, starving, and you have to make dinner, just do it.

These are all legitimate explanations of the current situation, but they are still only excuses.

So, the only real solution to this is — just do the damn thing.

Afterwards, you can complain that you weren’t really in the mood that you are not satisfied with your effort, that you hope you will be better next time, etc.

But guess what? You did it. And that makes all the difference in the world!

You just won that battle with yourself.

I want to be perfectly clear: this is not some motivational crap to make you feel better. This is a matter of fact. Every time you avoid excuses and do what is necessary, you increase your confidence and strengthen your character. You will be glad that you did it, instead of feeling guilty for letting yourself down. So, do yourself a favor and remember this next time, when you feel like avoiding something that needs to be done.

Whatever it is, you are doing it for yourself, not for the other people. This way, you are building confidence and making a habit of rising to the situation, whatever it may be.

The final word

The most difficult decisions in life are actually simple. They are hard but simple. We know what we need to do, but it is difficult to do it. That is why we do what is easier, instead of what we need to. This road leads to atrophy: spiritual, mental, physical. You name it. That is not the path to fulfillment of our desires.

The path to what we want in life is different. It is not even difficult to figure out. It starts with the first step, just like everything else. Today, do the hard thing. That is all it takes. Then repeat it tomorrow. And this way, with the compound effect of small victories, day by day, you will reach your destination. You know it, I know it; all we need to do is apply this, one day at the time.