Energy rising

I find Peace in being alone. I'm free to be me without judgement or pain. I'm free to be who I am evolving into without ridicule or people pleasing. I have done nothing more than people pleasing my entire life and now I need to be pleasing myself. that may sound selfish to you and for that I say, not my problem. I'm quickly learning that as long as we live our lives with the intent of kindness and love towards others and we love ourselves first then we are on the right path in our journey.

I recently had an experience where I found myself finding alignment within myself and the feeling of love and light energy pouring into me was incredible. When it ebbed I called it back to me, and it continued pouring in and now I seek that feeling wherever I am. I call it to me constantly. It's like a drug. I feel it more and more. I see things from different angles and perspectives and I've started dreaming again. I love it. I can't wait until I can control the dreams again. That is the best time to gather information from the Universe. When you can step back and look at your dreams while they are happening. You remember more vividly and can recall them later for reflection and wisdom.

I am doing more to make myself feel good and taking more into my hands to handle situations that I would normally put off. I need to get my life back into control and make it mine. Everyday is step towards my passion, my purpose, my magic. I won't stop finding it, working for it and realizing that I am worthy of everything I desire because that is the purpose of our lives, to live a human experience while navigating our own lessons and ascending into the souls we are meant to be. Ever evolving, learning and growing. We are powerful beyond what we know because of lifetimes and generations of coditioning.

We are all in this together, always fighting against each other, projecting out, because we can't control what we want in ourselves and our own lives. Judging others to make ourselves feel better, hiding out under alcohol, drugs, exercise, work, religion, and numerous other things. We are rats in a maze doing the same thing over and over because we judge success by materialistic things instead of by the spiritual, magic, unique things that make us each different and yet the same.

There is not one thing we should fear by being ourselves and yet that's all it is. We live in fear for everything including our very existance and it isn't our working for our higher good anymore. We are all longing for more, being pulled to rise higher and dream bigger dreams. Dream of love and Peace and passion and purpose. Dream of worth and honesty and respect. Dream of peace and kindess and love because each one of us are worth it. We are all worthy of living our purpose, living our passion and living our highest good. We are just not to hurt others to get there.

As my path continues to stretch out in front of me, I find that I get different thoughts and feelings about what I want to do. Who I want to be. Right now I know who I don't want to be. I know how I don't want to be. I want to be that calm spirit I once was. The one that just let people be and stayed in her own lane doing her own thing and not worrying about the world outside.

The toughest lesson I have learned so far besides loving me, is learning that you can't control others. You only have control over yourself. No matter how you want to help others, change others, control situations and therefore control others, you only have control over yourself and how you handle the situations in your life.

I used to despise the saying "It is what it is" because I always thought "it can always be changed" and yes while things can change you can only change yourself. Humans don't change for others. We may do what someone wants us to do for awhile but if it isn't our journey, our path then it won't last. We only change what we want to change for us. We as humans are stubborn, scared, confused, and just moving along how we have always been told was the way. Go to school, go to work, Work 5 days a week to pay bills and government. Rest two days but give money and time to religion during one of those days. Now go do it again because that is how it is and theres nothing you can do but keep doing it.

What if our souls are tired of doing it? What if we are tired of not being allowed to be who we truly are? We start to rise. We start to shed the layers that are holding us down and keeping us from finding the joy and love , and peace that is our birthright. In my life my anxiety is caused by not living my truth by not loving me. No more. From this day on I live my truth. I love me first so that I can pour from my cup.

I am in search of my passion. Writing, reading, data input, serving others, crafts and creating, I am told that if I find my passion the rest will follow. If I love me the rest will follow. If I let go of trying to control the world around me and others in that world and just worry about me, things just follow.

So I get regular energy Shaman healings, the people in my life that don't understand make fun of me, laugh and scoff at what I believe and make me feel small, I have shifted into a person that just doesn't care no matter how much I used to. For those that have shown me who they truly are there is no going back. If you don't care about me, I wish you well, I walk away with love and hope you heal but I don't have to be responsible for other feelings, emotions, or lives anymore. If your life isn't working out then change it. Don't try and project it on to others and what they are doing or not doing.

None of my business. None of your business. When this world learns to work on taking responsibility for themselves, and seeing themselves in others and realizing that no one person is right or wrong but that we are all on our own unique journeys to learn, discover and create, only then can we begin to let go of the fake hold we have on others and take a hold of ourselves and healing the traumas that have hurt us and held us down. Healing the traumas is messy, dark work. It takes being brave enough to look into yourself and say you are not better than anyone else. You are not exempt of emotions and controlling them in society. You are not allowed to just go around hurting others for your own pleasure, that is where Karma comes in. Eventually we all eat what we have been serving others forever. We are all responsible for ourselves. For transcending you we were for who we are meant to be.

I have just began my journey and I have already started to see clearer in many different aspects of my life, my thoughts, my dreams, my passions, and directions. I speak to myself better with more compassion and intent. I apologize and pat my own back, I hug myself and tell myself that I love myself because the shit in the world is heavy and we need to know we have ourselves. I let myself down all the time and I'm working on that because I need to be able to trust myself before I can trust another. It's hard with me, it's baby steps because the fear right now is heavy. Baby steps are still being made though, and I won't give up.

Journaling, meditation, Shaman energy healings, homework, reflection, it's hard work that some people don't want to do. Once you start though, it's all you want to do. It's more addicting than drugs and alcohol. Energy healing. My journey continues.