Don't dim your light!

A lot of anxiety and turmoil was a part of my childhood and adolescent years, and that is something I remember vividly. But I suppose that is true for the majority of people. I remember having big dreams and aspirations for my future since I was a young child. I've always had a vivid imagination, even when I was very young. I used to be a daydreamer. Perhaps it was because I was an older child who had a lot of free time to spend daydreaming and occupying myself with activities. My parents weren't exactly hands-on when it came to household chores. My parents did not participate in activities such as game night, movie night, family vacations, or other activities that many other parents do with their children. To be completely honest, I can't recall a single instance in which they would sit down and play with me. There is no way I want to sit here and say that they were terrible parents. It just wasn't their style in the least. Even if I believe that it did play a role in some of my underlying issues, I am an adult now, and I am responsible for my own healing and growth.

Those lofty aspirations persisted. However, the thing about having big dreams, especially when you are young, is that you need to be motivated and have a lot of passion for following through on them. It would be best to learn to allow your light to shine through. Throughout my parenting career, I made an effort to strongly encourage my children in anything they desired to do or explore, regardless of the subject matter. I believe it is critical to discover your interests and passions throughout your entire life, and this should be done at an early age. However, learning is a particularly valuable time to do so when you are young! Rather than the limited, boxed-in so-called education that public schools often provide to students, I am now a firm believer in the benefits of homeschooling. Unfortunately, as a child, I did not receive any encouragement from anyone. I don't recall ever having the impression that my parents were genuinely interested in my interests or dreams. My parents were never (and still aren't) the types who dream big, motivate themselves and set goals for themselves. Historically, they have been the work-for-the-man, barely scraping by, and simply existing kind. That, however, was never the case with me.

There was, however, an unfortunate consequence to my inspired and dreamer spirit, which began at a young age as a result of the external environment in which I grew up. My room's lighting began to dim. I had no idea what I was getting myself into at the time. I had no idea what I was talking about. I had no idea how significant any of this was or how profoundly it would affect my entire life for decades to come until it was pointed out to me. I was fortunate that I had someone who would have been there to give me even a glimmer of hope. To lend a hand a little, be an encourager, and assist me in flourishing, shining, and becoming my authentic self. However, these were all concepts that I was unfamiliar with. These concepts were foreign to me growing up in a lower-middle-class environment. Life had not been pleasant. As a result, I was merely an existence.

School was never particularly enjoyable either. I was never a particularly unattractive child in the traditional sense. On the other hand, my family has never been concerned with appearance. My mother was unconcerned about things like makeup, skincare, hair, and other frivolities. My hair was well-cared for, trimmed, and brushed, but it was never styled or cute in the way that some other girls' hair was. When I was a little older, I discovered that I had inherited my father's genes and had developed acne. I used soap and whatever else I could find to the best of my ability, but when it came to additional skincare products, I could rarely find anything more beneficial. My mother was a stay-at-home mom when I was young. My father earned enough money to cover the necessities of life, but there was little left over for extras. Secondhand stores provided the clothing, and the new and fashionable items were unavailable to me. I'm not sure if you all remember, but kids aren't pleasant to be around. They are, on the whole, pretty vile people. I used to get teased about things like not wearing the most fashionable clothes or not owning the most up-to-date Trapper Keeper. As a result, I attempted to go unnoticed. I lowered the brightness of my light a little more.

As I grew older, I was able to come up with some more effective ways to deal with situations and blend in. I was able to locate my group of friends and felt a little less self-conscious as a result. I still had some of those big dreams in my head, though. I aspired to be someone, accomplish great things, and make a positive impact on the world. However, I had already lost a significant amount of light. By that point, social anxiety had taken hold of me. I'm aware that many high school students suffer from some degree of anxiety. To a certain extent, I believe this is normal. This, on the other hand, was different. This marked the beginning of a long-running internal conflict that would last for many years. It is a battle that I am still engaged in to a certain extent today.

I can recall a specific occurrence. It was probably my sophomore year of high school at the time. I was at a pep rally at the time. Our football team was one of the top 5A teams in the state during its time there. As a result, our pep rallies were a big deal. Every Friday, we had them over for a game, and they were raucous and brimming with energy and enthusiasm. Everyone in each class (freshman, sophomore, junior, and senior) was always in a heated competition to see who could yell the loudest. As is customary for me, I sat with a group of friends. My friend group consisted of a collection of average kids. There wasn't anything particularly noteworthy about us. The fact that we maintained good grades and participated in a few random clubs and other activities helped us stay out of trouble and remain relatively isolated. We didn't cause a commotion. We went with the flow of events. We were a group of dim lights in a dark room.

However, on this particular day, there was something different, if only for a few brief moments. The energy simply struck me in a different way, and it hit me hard. A few times, I just felt something deep down in my soul and couldn't put my finger on it. A strong emotion arose within me. I had a strong sense of that bright light wanting to emerge, wanting to rise, wanting to shine. I could feel the energy and excitement, and I wanted to be a part of it, and I wanted to be a big part of it. At that moment, I wished I could go back in time and change everything. What if I just let go of all my insecurities and fears, I reasoned to myself? What if I just let them all fly away on their own accord? What if I just made the decision right now to be my true self, to let my light shine, and not to be concerned about what others might think? I wanted to be a part of everything, so I joined in.

I really wanted to be in the front row and lead those raucous, enthusiastic cheers. I wanted to be a part of the pep squad. Even the cheerleading squad, who knows? I wished to be a part of so much more than I was able to. I wanted to make a statement and be noticed. I didn't want to blend in or take a back seat any longer. I wished to live the best life possible. I sat there for what seemed like an eternity but was probably only about 5 minutes, thinking about what my life could be like if I decided to reincarnate as that little girl with big dreams and a bright shining light. I wished to be true to my character. But then that fleeting moment was gone. Then all of my anxieties and fears came rushing back to me. After that, I took a seat. I did nothing more than dim the lights once more.

For some reason, this particular moment has remained permanently etched in my memory. I've replayed the experience over and over in my head. I've pondered how my life might have turned out if I'd listened to my gut, intuition, or whatever you want to call it when it spoke to me at that particular moment so many times. It rang in my ears, telling me how important it was for me to be true to myself, but I chose to ignore it. Naturally, there were other similar experiences throughout my life, but this one stands out to me as particularly memorable. I believe this is due to the fact that it was one of the earliest in my memory to have such a strong calling. So many aspects of my life could have been drastically different if I had listened at that point in my life. Change is always beneficial, and it is never too late to make a change. However, the sooner it is done, the better, of course.

I wish I could sit here and say that a few years later, I got my act together and stopped dimming my light in order to become my authentic self. However, this is simply not the case. Unfortunately, this isn't the case in this instance. I've spent most of my adult life lowering the brightness of my surroundings. I wanted to be more, shine brighter, and be my true self, but I didn't manage to do so. I remained in the shadows. I'm a good fit. I kept my mouth shut. I yearned for more. I had to make do with less. But I'm going to skip ahead and skip the next 20 years of struggle.

The fact that I had been on this planet for four decades before I felt truly comfortable in my own skin allowed me to begin being my true authentic self. That said, I can't pinpoint a specific moment or life-altering event that prompted this shift in perspective. Instead, I believe it was a culmination of a number of small events over a period of several years. It was finally time to call it quits. I'd finally had enough of dimming my light after years and years of doing so. It was past due.

I decided to start allowing my true self to shine through. I was able to let go of my concerns about what other people thought. Their opinions didn't matter anymore because they were no longer relevant. For me, the expectations of society had ceased to be relevant. I'd spent years trying to please everyone in my life, and it had taken a toll on my mental and physical health. But that is no longer the case. It was past time for me to put my happiness first. I focused on doing what was suitable for my soul, on the importance of pleasing myself for a change. My time had come to live up to my own standards rather than those of others. It was time to stop blending in and start being wholly and ultimately myself. If doing so required standing out from the crowd, so be it. It was finally my turn to shine.

What an incredible sensation it is! When you allow your light to shine and are true to your authentic self, you will experience a wave of fulfillment that will wash over you. It truly is a life-changing experience. So much anxiety and worry have been removed from your life, and they have been replaced with pure joy and contentment. Everything has shifted!

The only thing that made me sad was thinking about how different my life would have been if I had learned this lesson decades earlier! Consequently, please do not dim your lights. It is not permitted at any time, for anyone, or for any reason. Authenticity means being your true self. By allowing your light to shine and being yourself, you open the door to a plethora of opportunities. Since I stopped dimming my lights, I've been able to accomplish so many beautiful things! Aside from being generally happier, I have begun pursuing my passion, started a career that fulfills my soul, and have more fulfilling friendships, hobbies, and abundance that appears to be coming to me!

Without a doubt, my life could have taken a completely different turn if I hadn't chosen to dim my light. It's possible that I could have accomplished so much more already. But I don't waste time dwelling on my mistakes or feeling guilty. That's not how life should be spent. Instead, I am entirely immersed in the present. Every moment of this beautiful life is something I cherish, and cherish every moment of it. Despite the obstacles, I will continue to shine my light and inspire others to do the same. No matter how different you believe yourself to be, you are brilliant and distinct, and you should always be yourself!

Don’t dim your light!