Doing It Afraid

I had myself trapped in a prison of fear for many years. It has taken over my life for far too long. I want to give myself a chance to thrive, and that means taking action.

I cannot allow myself to stay in this position. I have too many new goals and dreams swarming through my mind to let that happen. Unfortunately, I gave up on a lot of my dreams a long time ago. Without realizing it, I allowed my fear of failure, of not being good enough, to take over my mind.

I procrastinated when I thought a task was too challenging; I wanted to put it off, not to have to worry about it. This way, the reason for my failure was I didn’t give it my all. Procrastinating happened again and again until it became a habit.

It became a habit for me to tell myself I couldn’t do it. It became routine for me to doubt myself and believe I had nothing to give. Self-doubt slowly crept into my life, and when it got in, it took it over like a raging storm. Once those bad thoughts were in place, it was hard to see anything else.

For years I let my fear of failing, yet again, keep me from trying anything or even caring about things. What’s the point of caring about something you’ll fail at, right?

Wrong!!!

I did not realize at the time that I was covering up my true potential. I did not know that I was throwing dirt over my gifts. Just because of how scared I was, I told myself that I did not have talent, my gifts were absent, and I would never measure up. Honestly, I had a few setbacks and bad times, and I got tired.

I heard stories about celebrities facing failure and trying again, but I would attribute it to them already having talent inside them. I felt their story wasn’t mine because I had nothing while they had whatever made them special.

I was right. Those celebrities had something that I didn’t have.

Determination.

They had a fighting spirit. They had the will and discipline to take rejection after rejection and failure after failure and to keep trying. I took some hard hits and stopped. I let all the noise drown out my thinking. Sometimes it’s easier to give up than it is to keep going.

February 22, 2021, I attended a virtual event about Becoming Unstoppable. I listened to speaker after speaker talking about their journey and how they didn’t let their rejections or situations or fear stop them. Many of them spoke a lot about fear and how they dealt with it. Because of that, I learned an important lesson about fear.

Fear doesn’t always leave.

I thought that once I get over my fear, I’ll try this or that, but it doesn’t work that way. For some of them, the fear never left. They made it their driving force instead of what stopped them. Some of them said to acknowledge that the fear is there and to keep working towards your dreams. It seems most agreed that it is okay to be afraid as long as you don’t give up.

I am afraid to put myself out there. I am scared to write because I feel like I am not good enough. More than anything, I am terrified to fail. However, I will no longer let that stop me from exploring myself, new opportunities, and the world around me.

I’ve been stuck in this prison for long enough. It is time that I no longer let fear tell me what I can’t do. I will not let fear have control over me ever again.

What I will do is put myself out there. I will try, I will learn, I will grow, and I’ll do it afraid.