Disability & Love — Loving Who You Want — Or Who Loves You?

In my world, disability is considered a sin of the father. What a horrible way to think. Disability is often related to health issues in the mother or father. Some are inherited.

Susan has a deaf daughter named Sara. Negligence by the medical personnel in her country’s hospital was that they were not aware that her daughter was deaf when she was born. Unawareness on her part increased the child’s suffering

How can parents be unaware of their children’s development?

I was aware of my children’s development from birth. I met a two-year-old who was unaware of everything happening around him. He responded to no sounds, not even when you called his name. I encouraged his mother to get him checked out. Children’s curiosity forces them to react to sounds. This child didn’t. He was deaf like Sara.

Sara is beautiful at twenty-five. You have to hear her speak to realize she has a disability. She was brilliant too. She became a teacher working with deaf children. She loved children and worked with children aged five to eight. She had a crush on a young man at her community center where she volunteers to help children like her.

A few people who knew her realized. They took her aside and counseled, “he is not for you. He can’t understand your disability. Has no patience and will use you.”

“But I like him,” she said with the help of sign language.

“If he cared, he would have learned sign language to communicate better with you,” someone reminded her.

“I think he likes me too,” she went on.

“He loves how you look, and you aren’t the only female around here who is after him. Think for a minute. Between you with your health issue and them with none, who will he choose?” someone else said.

“So you think I should choose someone like me?” her pain asked.

“Sometimes, life will put us in situations where we must choose who loves us, instead of whom we love,” she preached.

Silence allowed hearts, minds, and souls to pause and think more deeply, gaining a better understanding.

Sara sighed, then said with understanding, “So, choosing someone who loves me, I would have to learn to love that person?”

“You are brilliant,” she said.

“You are talking nonsense!” Sara flung back orally and with sign language. “Because I am disabled, I can’t choose whom I want to love!”

“What if he doesn’t love you back?”

Silence spoke.

“What if he thinks that his children will be born with your disability?”

Silence went on.

“What about what his family and friends will think?”

“But loving someone with my disability will decrease our children’s chances of being born normal and healthy!” Sara’s pain and disappointment cried out.

Many sighs floated around with understanding.

“So, you are saying that love, marriage, and children are out of my reach because I was born deaf. Which is no fault of mine!” her pain and rage demanded.

They glanced at each other, then someone said, “All we are saying is that be careful who you choose because of your situation, you will have problems.”

“You all often said that love will cover all things, good and bad,” she reminded consciences. “I deserve a life. A happy one with love. Me being deaf shouldn’t prevent me from living a normal life!”

They glanced again, reading each other’s expressions.

When no one answered, she said, “I guess like everyone else, I will have to find out.”

Silence spoke, and Sara nodded, then walked out.

Love, real, honest, clean, good, and kind love will cover everything. The disabled in my country have the most difficult time finding love. Many find kindness, consideration, and love with people who share their disability. My world is a cruel one to them. Resources are hardly available here either. But being deaf shouldn’t prevent anyone from finding love and happiness. Humanity can be so cruel to each other.

What do you think? Should a disabled person only marry people like themselves?

Thank you for reading this piece. I hope you enjoyed it.