Motivation logo

Convincing men's hearts is actually not difficult

by Custo 2 months ago in happiness
Report Story

Reasons affecting the happiness index of marriage

In a marriage, the idea of divorce and action by one of the partners is never a spur of the moment, but rather a result of the accumulation of conflicts over time.

There are many reasons for this, perhaps not getting the respect you want, perhaps not getting the attention you crave, perhaps your repeated indulgence, so that he neglected the most important communication between you, and eventually let the two hearts that originally loved each other farther and farther apart.

Why do many couples feel comfortable when they are in love and feel tired when they are married? How should couples get along properly to guard their families? How do effectively solve the problems and conflicts that arise in a relationship?

Where do your marital problems come from?

Marriage, such as cheating, domestic violence, and other principal problems, is based on a lot of cumulative conflicts and contradictions caused by the conflict, that most of the marriage relationship breakdown of the family what are the problems, these problems and where did it come from?

1, ignore self-building, freshness fade lead to getting along fatigue

This a lot of good women in marriage who will face the problem, in their view, as long as they have a stable job, filial good in-laws, take care of the husband, educate the children, you can firmly guard their families, but only ignore themselves.

They will often be indignant at those who can take men's bad women, but in fact, those bad women on the strict requirements of self-building are precisely what good women ignore the lack of, the maintenance of freshness in marriage requires women to constantly improve themselves, whether it is the appearance or internal, the husband's attention to his wife is directly proportional to the degree of importance his wife attaches to himself.

So no matter what time it is, you have to remind yourself, to refuse to be a yellow face in marriage, to always be a beautiful woman in his eyes.

2, ignore the sense of ceremony, monotonous repetition leads to boredom in life

After stepping into marriage, many premarital rituals are not men slowly ignored, but women slowly decided, which is also another self-destructive decision made by the good women.

We often hear things like.

"What flowers to buy, they won't bloom for a few days before they give up, a waste of money."

"Why do you have to watch a movie? It's not like you don't have a TV at home."

"The food outside is expensive and unhygienic, eat at home is not the same?"

"Let's not travel this year, save money for the children to enroll in an interesting class!"

Yes, you have succeeded in becoming a good wife and mother in the eyes of the public, but it destroys the sense of ritual between the couple.

Without a sense of ritual marriage, in addition to monotonous repetition, there is no interest to speak of, even if you have conquered him in the past by the value of the face, but there is always visual fatigue of the day until he wants to end this "boring" life, you began to realize the seriousness of the problem.

3, ignore each other's needs, each other's lack of presence leads to the loss of a sense of belonging

Life after marriage, men's needs will be from love on the appearance, body, voice, speech, behavior, and other purely external needs, gradually towards understanding, trust, recognition, praise, care, respect, and even admiration of the internal needs over.

As a wife, one is after marriage because of their strength and did not pay attention to the husband's internal needs, one is after having children, and the parent-child relationship overrides the relationship between husband and wife and ignores the husband's internal needs.

When his emotions and opinions do not get your attention, worries and happiness do not resonate with you, will lose the sense of existence in the marriage, do not feel value as a husband, and lose the sense of belonging to the family, and if there is a quarrel from time to time, it will make him want to find value from other women and even the idea of divorce.

4, ignore the life of the couple, the lack of interaction of interest leads to damage to intimacy

In many cases, the couple's life is not harmonious and has become an important hidden danger of hurting the relationship, even because of cheating problems.

When a woman for various reasons, even if it is reasonable and sensible, repeatedly rejects the husband's intimacy requirements, it will make men produce the idea that they are not needed or even disliked.

Or a single form of conjugal life, the lack of interactive skills, the eroticism as a task to complete, so that men are not satisfied with the loss of gradually developed into the loss of sexual interest in their wife.

Either case, for men, at this time other women finding solace in the hidden danger will be greatly enhanced.

Want to successfully recover first to change the perception

1, the face of the problem, your purpose is to solve rather than punish

Married life, when the two sides have differences and contradictions, often from the very beginning of the argument to the development of the final quarrel constantly.

Many students often ask how to punish each other when problems arise.

My answer is: when you are struggling with how to find each other problems and discipline each other, it may be worthwhile to return to yourself first, to find your problems.

Conflict is in the case the two sides can not agree to appear, so the problem is relative, and the priority to find their problems corrected is to actively solve the problem state.

2, master the initiative does not mean controlling each other

Many people think that to take the initiative in the marriage, you need to make each other obedient, and put attention to the family, rather than personal interests and social activities.

So many couples lose themselves in controlling and being controlled, thus feeling tied up in the marriage, losing the fun, becoming less confident and less secure, and living a physically and mentally exhausting life.

Therefore, both sides in the marriage need to know how to give each other enough private space, which is a reflection of respect for each other, and respect in the marriage relationship is more important than love.

Do not always think of yourself as the head of the family, so that the other party can not breathe under your control, you give him space at the same time, and he will give you love in return.

3, learn to tolerate him, rather than always think about changing him

Many couples with a high post-marital happiness index, when in love will show the most real side, will not deliberately hide their shortcomings, and will not be entangled in changing each other's problems, more is to observe and consider the acceptance and comfort of both sides.

So after marriage, it is easier to accept and tolerate each other, rather than always complaining that it is obviously for his good, why can not become closer to their inner him?

Forcing each other to do what you don't want to do, the other party will not see your love, but only your forcefulness.

Doing so without forcing the other person is an advanced mode of getting along in a marriage relationship, as it needs to be built on full trust and understanding.

Save your marriage, you should make those changes.

1, to retreat to reinvent the charm, to create your high-end atmosphere upscale

The final result of aesthetic fatigue is that he is completely oblivious to you, so when he proposed divorce, the more you redeem, the more firm his attitude, so at this time choose to retreat, and take some time away from each other to give time and space to re-examine your marriage calmly, downplaying his negative emotions and negative impressions of you.

Use period time, seriously responsible for their upgrade, so that they complete metamorphosis from the inside out, and then to talk about the reason for divorce to meet him, so he can see that I am not your eyes lost the charm of the woman before I made a self-sacrifice for the family, I just pay a little attention to themselves, I am still attractive.

The biggest perception misconception of women in marriage is that men like to live their lives with men, in fact, otherwise, those marriages arin long-term preservation of the state of the family, and e wife is particularly will toss themselves.

2, change the attitude to reshape the sense of ritual, to create a space of empathy between you

In the process of recovery, you need to think about what rituals have disappeared between you, such as important holidays that belong only to you; how long to watch a movie together; how long to plan a trip as a couple, and so on.

It is important to note that the rebuilding process only needs to consider both spouses, so it is also important to communicate with each other during the building process, not always around the children and work.

You can start communication around yourselves, in-depth understanding of each other's true feelings about life, to re-establish the "you know me" understanding and tacit understanding, and then meet his most direct and urgent inner needs, when he feels your understanding and tacit understanding, naturally will also put off the idea of divorce.

3, set up a problem to think about raising the threshold of divorce, increase parental input to seek external help

The elderly, children, and property division can be your reason to raise the threshold of divorce.

To cite a very realistic case: a husband is determined to divorce the situation, no matter how the wife pays, the husband is familiar with the situation, until the wife clearly to their own direct or indirectly created economic value spread on the table, the husband will stop.

Because if the divorce, in addition to the property to be divided, children and in-laws are not cared for, whether from the direct economic loss or the husband's current conditions, he is sad to be more comfortable than now.

And if your relationship with your in-laws is okay, it is possible to seek the help of your in-laws, patiently explain the problem, and show your belief that you do not want to give up on the marriage, so that they can become a solid backing for you to guard the marriage.

The problem of marriage is not terrible, is also normal, terrible is that you choose to accept the status quo to let the contradictions accumulate and worsen, terrible is that you choose to look forward to, expect him to remember the old feelings, back to the heart, that ultimately can only sit and wait for death, watching him away from you more and more.

If you have any emotional problems/marriage problems, welcome to follow me, I'll help you answer!

The author's profile: I am Emo, engaged in many years of love recovery, and marriage and family emotional repair work, I hope that through my sharing, to those in the confusion of marriage partners a little help and hope!

May we all become better versions of ourselves every day!

Every day will be updated with new content, move your finger to click on the attention, looking forward to progressing with you.


About the author


Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights


There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2022 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.