Better Days

“In rebuilding a broken world, we will have the chance to choose a less hurried life.” – Dr. Alan Lightman

I baked cookies! That’s right, for the first time in over seven years, I baked homemade chocolate chip cookies. I was a little nervous because baking has never been my strength in the kitchen (probably because I am not good at following directions). But, guess what?! They turned out great – so great, in fact, that I am afraid to try again in case this time was a fluke or beginner’s luck. Although, my opinion of their quality might be influenced by my recent abandonment of a sugar-free, gluten-free lifestyle.

I invested in Bitcoin and opened a TD Ameritrade account. This pandemic has opened up time I never had before giving me the opportunity to learn something new. I have always stood on the outside the large plate glass window of Wall Street's storefront peering into what I imagined to be a magical place of financial freedom I would never comprehend. However, now I am opening the door and stepping into a new understanding of a world that always seemed mystical to me before. I have no idea where this adventure will take me, but I am excited to finally be taking my first steps onto Wall Street.

Just this morning, I read Dr. Alan Lightman’s article in The Atlantic “The Virus Is a Reminder of something Lost Long Ago,” and I realized better days aren’t coming, better days are already here. I am one of the lucky ones. During this global crisis, I get to work safely from home and I have not suffered the loss of someone I love to this devastating virus. Instead, this pandemic has wrapped me up in a cocoon of revelation and I am learning more and more about who was, who I am, and who I am becoming. I had already started this journey before COVID-19 started seizing the world, but this pause in time has given me the gift of more time to explore my inner self.

By baking cookies, I connected with a part of myself who has been lost for many years. From the time my divorce was finalized in 2015, I have been on a journey to find my true self. I had to get in touch with the girl I was before I was married - the dreams, goals and aspirations I had before I melted into the world of becoming a wife and mother. I was so desperate to escape the hollow profile of a woman I projected to be during my eighteen-year marriage that I lost valuable pieces of me that were discovered throughout those years. Baking cookies will not return me to who I was when my only identity revolved around being a good wife and mother, but it does open the door for me to explore how I can take the best of who I was during that time and integrate it into who I am becoming.

Buying Bitcoin did not make me rich or transport me to a financially independent lifestyle – yet (fingers crossed). However, it was a leap into an unknown experience that promises to teach me something new through active participation. I am a lifelong learner and research is my strength. I will read any book or article about any topic that I want to know about. I consistently consume podcasts and YouTube videos, but when it comes to taking action, I freeze. Purchasing cryptocurrency might be a risky move, but it is helping me break the habit of researching without taking action. Instead of window shopping through articles and books about investing, I am walking through the door and living this experience from a different point of view. The perspective of doing instead of observing. This adventure may have more dips, twists and turns than a rollercoaster, but I am looking forward to meeting the person who emerges from this wild ride.

Better times are now. It feels like the world is holding its breath waiting for things to get better, waiting for the time everything will return to normal. It seems like time is frozen right now, with businesses shut down, large events cancelled and even large family gatherings posing a new threat to the health of our loved ones. However, under the tundra of this economic landscape, something beautiful is happening. Humanity is still moving. Like me, people are learning new things, exploring new ideas, and reconnecting with themselves and the important people in their lives. When Earth finally emerges from the season of COVID1-19, we will have the opportunity to come together and combine everything we have learned to make this world an even better place.

So sure, better days are coming. Days where I can once again jump in my car for a road trip to Canada, Minnesota, or wherever my adventurous heart leads me. I will be able to gather with my whole family again instead of limiting how many can join us for a holiday dinner or forgoing holiday gatherings all together. I will be able to meet my friends at coffee shops so we can spend hours trying to make sense of our lives while absorbing the rich bold smell of coffee beans as the low murmur of quiet conversations provides a delightful energy to the stories we share with each other. I’m looking forward to the day where my smile isn’t hidden behind a mask. I want to walk into the grocery store again and not worry about whether the person in front of me picking out cucumbers isn’t spreading the virus over the fresh vegetables I am patiently waiting, six feet away, to add to my shopping cart.

Yeah, I am looking forward to better days, but I am in no hurry to rush back to whatever our new normal will look like. I’m taking this time to slow down and take in the beauty of this life as the world around me starts to heal. Better days may be coming, but some of the best days are right now.