Be still my heart

Hello, you do not know me and I perceive you but I do not know you. Or at least that's how you may see it. Let me explain, my mind, my heart is very complex. There are times where I am certain of something, then one small question enters my head. That single question it does not matter what it is but it throws me off into a mental tangent. Such is my life, such is how my mind works, furthermore it has been this way for as long as I can remember. I don't often write about myself however I digress this is to show you a look into my mind with the hope of it helping you in some way.

The human mind comes in many forms depending on the psychological make up of the human being. Since I was a child I had always felt alienated by society as well as my peers. Friendships were mere masks that would soon morph into betrayal followed by abandonment. My heart was an open one it loved without question, it guarded those who I thought needed shelter. Then one by one those faces that I gave so much love to you dissipated it made me wonder if there was something wrong with me. Had I not given enough? Had I not loved enough? Those thoughts were in my head through Elementary school up until High School. It didn't matter what grade I was in. What class, what teacher, someone was always coming to me with their pain. My empathy, it was and always has been strong even when I did not yet know it.

I was innocent and kind in my intentions but within those school walls stories were told that no 16-year old wanted to hear but she heard them anyhow. She heard what was being said and what was not being said. Every day was the same. She gave an ear, she gave her heart and yet they still stepped on her fingers. It didn't matter how many times it happened but she kept running at them. Running at them because she was so desperate and so tired of being alienated by society simply because she was 'different' because she didn't care about partying or drinking, or sleeping with every other boy that came her way. She was one of the few good girls that existed however, she never thought that she was better than anyone else.

She smiled, she cried, she looked at the other teenagers and asked "Why doesn't anyone like me?"

There was never an answer only silence. Silence because of what they could not understand. And now that girl, that girl has become a young woman, she is still growing spiritualty, emotionally, physically, mentally. Sometimes the process is too much to bear. Contrary to that she somehow manages to recover. Her mind is a place of beauty and insecurity furthermore it her sanctuary. Why was this story written you might ask? Well, experience is the best teacher as so many are fond of saying. Perhaps this personal experience will reach you or perhaps it won't.

Life has no definitive answer after all...