Attack Plan For Sleep

Alright 2022, I'm not messing around anymore. It's been a crazy couple of years, and I'm not even talking about the pandemic. I've had nine surgeries in the last year and a half, I wasn't able to sleep in a normal bed, you know what that does to a person? So *cracks neck* I'm coming into the new year with a plan to get some decent rest. I'm going to do this right. Get ready 2022, Tinka is not messing around anymore. I'm here to get some decent rest and drink tea, and I'm all out of tea!

Step 1. Try tea. I know a whole bunch of people who drink tea. Ask them what's good.

Step 2. Clean out your bedroom. I mean deep clean. Why do I still have bride's made shoes from your sister's wedding, from 2007? I haven't worn them since then, and I probably won't ever wear them again. That basket of unmatched socks? Bye-bye. I'm going to use every cleaning attachment on the vacuum.

While I'm at it, I need to get some proper curtains. I figured it out for my guest room, I can figure it out in my master bedroom. I have no concept for home decorating. I often do this: I like this thing, buy the thing, then stick it where I want it to go. Matching isn't always a priority. Those blankets I'm using to cover up the windows need to go. I'm going to figure out proper curtains if it kills me. I hate that hockey blanket covering up my side window so much.

Speaking of blankets...Step 3. Get some new bedding. You owe it to yourself. I'm in my mid-thirties now. I can get thread count sheets that are over 1000. You will thank yourself. Maybe satin sheets. No more cheap crap. You spend a lot of time in bed, might as well make it worth it. And pillows. I love pillows. I'm pretty sure I've been using the same two pillows for ten years. It's time to upgrade. Maybe do something crazy and get some bedding that matches the curtains and carpet. That might be...normal? Domestic? I've been living like a feral housewife for so long, I don't know how to be a domestic one.

Step 4. New pajamas. Get yourself some nice nightgowns. If you want to feel gross, wear gross old clothes. If you want to feel beautiful, get something beautiful. I've always wanted pretty, silk nightgowns. I'm going to get a bunch of them. Same with my old slippers. I should not have slippers with holes in them. Enjoy the garbage can old slippers; you are done.

Step 5. Banish the dog. This is going to be a hard one. I love bedtime cuddles with the dog, but he's always kicking and moving. It's amazing how much space and movement an eighteen pound dog takes up. No more of you moving around at two AM to reposition. I'm sorry Sapa, it's going to be hard on both of us, but you have to go.

Step 6. Get a new mouth guard. Yes, it's super sexy. I grind my teeth and based on my dentist's recommendation, I sleep with a night guard in my mouth. Time to get a new one, one that doesn't wake me up with my own version of drool-water torture and snoring.

Step 7. No more food or sweets after eight PM. I know when I have to sleep and when I need to wake up. I am usually fairly good about not eating after eight PM and before bedtime, but now, no more. Save the calories, the tossing and turning from sweets. Don't wait until New Years, I'm done with this one now.

Alright 2022. I'm gonna get some rest. It's going to cost me a couple bucks, but it's going to be worth it. Sweet dreams 2021, you've been a nightmare. I'm ready for pleasant dreams.