Affection Has Many Faces

I don’t know if fairytales exist in this world, but affection makes me think they do.

In an earlier article, I explored the difference between obsession and affection, briefly touching on some of the ways each is expressed.

To me, affection is a magical power that vanquishes evil by its presence. It overcomes fear and self-doubt. When I am lonely, it lets me know I’m not alone. If I feel inadequate, it dispels the darkness by telling me I’m valuable just like I am.

"Affection is responsible for nine-tenths of whatever solid and durable happiness there is in our lives."

C. S. Lewis

My love affair with affection began so long ago, I have to pull back the curtains of time and peer into my earliest memories to find its origins…

I sat cross-legged on the cool, wooden floor with my back resting against my mother’s legs. Her fingers gently touched the top of my head, slowly stroking down toward my neck. Her long fingernails reached through my thick hair to lightly graze my scalp, sending warm tingles down through my little-girl body.

I closed my eyes, lost in the sensation, enjoying her touch. Adult conversation flew around me, but I didn’t hear a word. One slow stroke followed another. But all too soon, it ended along with her conversation.

Moments like this were rare, but I remembered the exquisite pleasure of them and held onto the memories like sacred jewels.

"Every gift which is given, even though it be small, is in reality great, if it is given with affection."

Pindar

Over the years, I pieced together my idea of affection from books, TV shows, and movies, gradually building a dream of what I wanted most.

One of my favorites was The Lion King. The relationship between Mufasa and Simba fascinated me because I wanted that so badly in my own life. I watched the movie almost every day for a month and sang the soundtrack to myself in between. I even learned to play the songs on the piano — and gained great respect for Elton John’s musical genius, God bless him.

(What can I say? When I like something, I squeeze every possible bit of enjoyment out of it. Anyone else like that?)

As the years passed, I found that affection has many faces and shows up in surprising places.

When I was a little girl, I had a pet hen named Tweeter who would race across the yard with happy clucks to greet me. She’d settle into my lap, content to be in my arms and have me hug her and stroke her glossy feathers.

As an insecure, horse-crazy teenager, I found solace at a nearby barn with a beautiful Arabian stallion. When I was down, he nuzzled my neck and rubbed his head on my shoulder. If he wanted to cheer me up, he snatched my hat off my head and waved it around in his teeth, daring me to grab it back.

When I take walks, a brave squirrel will run up and gently hold onto my leg, waiting expectantly for the inevitable peanut. His small gesture of trust makes me feel special and connected to nature.

(Animals have given me some of the best relationships in life, so of course, I must give them their due recognition.)

"Animals are reliable, many full of love, true in their affections, predictable in their actions, grateful and loyal. Difficult standards for people to live up to."

Alfred A. Montapert

Moving on to humans…

When I was violently ill and barely able to move, a friend drove from two towns over to plunge out my toilet — ten minutes before my stomach revolted against me yet again.

(Did Prince Charming ever hold a plunger? In my world, he did. I was definitely a damsel in distress.)

In the moments I thought were my biggest failures, a hug and smile from a mentor let me know I was loved anyways and there was no crisis.

At the most unexpected (and usually most unattractive) times, I heard the words, “You’re very beautiful” in a warm, endearing tone of voice. I went from believing I was the ugliest woman on the planet to feeling like a princess in the span of a few moments. (If that’s not some kind of magic spell, I don’t know what is.)

I felt genuine caring when revealing my darkest secrets and fears to someone who didn’t judge or criticize me. They knew what I was going through because they had been there already. At my most vulnerable point, I found acceptance.

Affection, whether it comes from humans or animals, satisfies a deep craving for safety and security. It makes me feel valuable, wanted, and accepted. Without it, I am constantly searching for something more because an integral part of life is missing.

"I was born with an enormous need for affection, and a terrible need to give it."

Audrey Hepburn

I want to believe in fairy tales and know that the best of stories doesn’t just exist on a page or a screen.

It makes the world a warmer, brighter place, and life — at least my life — is better for it.

(This article was originally published on Medium.)