A pinch of fairy dust and other secret lessons : The ultimate guide to a fresh start.

And so it came...

the grand finale we have all so eagerly anticipated. The old year has rolled around like an avalanche, crushing under it the normality of life we were so accustomed to and bringing forth a special opportunity. An opportunity to start fresh and begin again - this year, hopefully, equipped with more luck and less restraints.

It is an odd habit we humans possess, this anticipation of a "fresh, new start". Every year at the exact same time we observe and await the turning of the old year into a new one, hoping that this turning point holds in it magical powers and fairy dust, that will transcend us into a different, better, more exciting reality. In doing so, we often become oblivious to the fact that this new beginning is at the same time the end of another one, that was just as exciting and new until it wasn't anymore, and that it will forever contain it.

We are so ready to leave behind us our "old, not good-enough" bodies, minds and ways of living, sometimes forgetting that the snake is still the same snake even after it sheds its skin. And just like the snake, we too are stepping into a new beginning shinier and slicker, but the shine always wears off with time. More often than not, it only takes a few weeks until we realize that not much is different and that we are still the same people facing the same old hardships.

This constant struggle to re-invent ourselves, to become different or better is ever-present and is not just a thing of the the new year's. What this past year has offered to all of us was the opportunity to get to know and understand ourselves better. And what I learned is that re-inventing myself is not the key and is more than anything else, a fantasy.

Instead, what made more sense to me this time around, was to allow myself to be more of who I am. Usually I would always do what other people were doing - I would go buy a pretty, new notebook just to give myself that extra little push of motivation, which never really lasted longer than a few days. I would use the first page to write down resolutions that seemed trendy, but were never really a product of my own deep yearnings, needs and motivations. These resolutions were almost always superficial and they lacked proper reasoning as to why I want to achieve something, as well as proper planning on how to achieve it. I still have all the "new notebooks' from previous years and apart from their first page, they are empty and forgotten.

So this year, instead of compulsively giving into the habit of spending my money for that famous boost of motivation and before dreaming about all the future possibilities I wanted to come to terms with the past year. This year I wanted to do things differently, give myself a looser mental space and allow the mental process, that was coming forth with the approaching of the new year, to flow naturally.

It was not about empty goals anymore, nor was it about becoming someone else or someone better. This time it was all about drawing lessons of the past together, making use of all the accumulated knowledge and already available resources and stepping into the new year doing more of what I have been naturally inclined to do.

First, I gave myself full permission to indulge in the much needed introspection and reflection that have been coming to me rather naturally over the last couple of months, and to do so without a single bit of hesitation, guilt or shame. I never planned on writing anything down, but the realizations that came to me through that intense reflection might prove themselves to be valuable to someone else as well. More than resolutions (which can be defined as self-imposed obligations to do or not do something), this is a collection of friendly advice, that might help you take on the challenges and opportunities in 2021 with more ease and confidence, knowing that to really start fresh, all you really need to do is:

• allow yourself to be MORE of who you are naturally inclined to be and LESS of who others want you to be ;

• and do MORE of what you are naturally drawn to and LESS of what other people think you should be doing.

You might be asking yourself: "how am I supposed to do that?" Or you are thinking to yourself - "if it were that easy I would already be doing it!" And I get it. So, below are the lessons that I have re-collected from my previous life experience (especially from 2020) and actually applied to my life, that are consistently bringing me closer to accepting who I naturally am and to doing what I am naturally inclined to do. These are the lessons that are making it possible for me to start fresh and healthy in 2021 and I truly believe they can help you do the same.

1. RUN AT YOUR OWN PACE

In the beginning of previous year I left my home and moved 5000 miles away. I had been feeling restless and was ready for a big change to take place. So in February 2020 I flew away to what was supposed to be a 3 month vacation. It ended up turning into almost a year long adventure.

At that time I thought that I was running from a life that seemed dull, boring and all too-well-known to me. I craved adventure, something fresh and new. After being away for such a long time, meeting many new people, trying out crazy new things, falling madly in love and just living the life I only ever imagined in my wildest dreams, I realized that all this time I had actually been running from myself. What I hoped would be an adventure, that would teach me how let go of everything that I did not like about myself or my life and leave it behind, actually turned out to be a big lesson on how to let life happen. This whole year away I have been re-discovering pieces of myself that I tried so hard to ignore, just to find that they are here to stay, and that once accepted and understood, they suddenly become much less intrusive and problematic.

We all run from ourselves sometimes. We move as far away from our homes as we possibly can, we cut ties with our families, we switch jobs and careers, we avoid people, we switch partners...Hoping that something we do will make us into better people or change our lives into more exciting ones. We blindly try using the new year as the escaping portal through which we can step into a life completely different from our previous one. I know I did and still do sometimes, but I am finally beginning to understand that doing so doesn't really serve me at all. What this year away has taught me are the lessons that I had to accept and integrate to be able to start fresh, every moment, every day, and every new year.

I learned that the incessant and urgent need to run away is natural. It is not something we should feel guilty about, it should not be the source of discomfort and distress. It is our natural tendency, to move away from the pressure point when the pressure becomes too strong. It's the way we protect ourselves, it's how we regain our power. If we take ourselves into consideration, really... and if we give ourselves the permission to listen and abide by our intuition, then we will know when the time has come to run away just as we will know when to go back.

Time away, taken when needed, will prove itself to be beneficial to our mental and physical wellbeing by breaking the structures that the routines of our everyday lives have built around our minds and bodies. It will introduce us to adventures, experiences and people that will force us to expand as human beings, and that is how we grow. Running away exists in many forms... Whether it is moving away, backing off, or running towards something... whether it lasts an hour, a day, or a year and whether we ever decide to come back or not, it's still essentially the same thing. It's just a natural way of suspending or minimizing the pressure.

So, in 2021, let's allow ourselves, not to only feel the need to run away, but to actually do so at our own pace. And then, let's allow ourselves to come back as well if that is what we feel needs to happen. Whatever we may be running from, let's do it free of guilt and shame, knowing it is natural and critical for our survival. Understand too, that YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE who knows when it is due to happen and for how long. Also know, that coming back is just as important as running away. It is the act of coming back that truly serves as the opportunity to apply and use everything that you have learned while you were gone (gone physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually).

Start fresh by understanding, that running away from something is at the same time running towards something different. So when other people try to persuade you into believing how wrong it is to run away, just tell them that you are running towards something and keep running!

2. LEARN A NEW LANGUAGE

Living abroad in a different country came with a set of new challenges. When I left home in 2020 I was pretty confident in my English speaking skills. I've been learning English all the way through my schooling, so how hard could it possibly be to one day just live in an English speaking country? Well, to tell you the truth, it was a lot harder than I expected. Knowing English from school was definitely a small advantage when it came to my writing skills, which were by no means perfect, but when I had to actually speak it, well... lets just say I definitely overestimated my abilities. It took some time, many mistakes and repetitions, many painfully embarrassing expressions, and many people being willing to correct me constantly, before I felt more confident speaking English. And here I am now, writing this extremely long article completely in English. Congratulations to me.

Looking back now I realize how many different things I have actually learned living abroad and how learning every single one of them followed the same exact process.

First thing I realized was that everything in life is like learning a new language. What I realized after that, and is of much greater value is that life can truly be our greatest teacher.

Understanding this and integrating this knowledge into our daily routines can help us start fresh. It definitely helped me.

We can start fresh by finally taking the responsibility for how we look at things. Start seeing everything that happens to you in 2021 and in your life in general, as a learning opportunity. Understand that observation and repetition are by far the best learning tools and that they are both inherent to you. It is how we learned as babies - by observing and repeating. It is also how we learn language. It is how we learn everything in life, and in this sense everything is like learning a second language.

Start fresh by closely observing every feeling, experience, relationship and interaction as a learning experience. In the new year, ask yourself every day, which of your habits suck the living energy out of you and which ones breathe more energy into you? Which interactions leave you feeling whole and which empty? Then learn from it, by repeating and doing more of what proves to be beneficial and less of what doesn't, the same as when you are learning a new language.

Start fresh by staying consistent. Consistency is the key to success!

Life will most definitely provide you with the lessons that you are meant to learn, if you let it. So in 2021, let whatever must come, come to you. Just learn from it! This is how you will slowly start taking control of your mental, physical, emotional and spiritual wellbeing and health. Start now.

P.S. Learn, always.

3. TAKE TIME AWAY FROM SOCIAL MEDIA

Although we all have an internal navigation system that is able to point us into a specific direction that we are supposed to take at some point in our lives, many of us have long forgotten how to abide by it. We feel a subtle pull into this or that direction, we feel resistance towards something and a strong pull of attraction towards something else, but are not willing to follow these instincts, or don't really know how to.

For me this really proved to be true in the past and specifically in 2020. Being so far away from home, transitioning from a child into an adult and having just recently lost my identity as a student, I became an easy target for other people's manipulations and opinions. Most greatly I was definitely manipulated through social media, and I admit I was a willing victim to it.

The pandemic rewarded all of us with extensive amounts of free time, and not being used to it proved itself to be destructive for many of us in one way or another. On the other hand, it was a perfect opportunity to spend more time with ourselves and get to know ourselves better. However, having so much free time on my hands quickly led me to immersing myself into the manipulative labyrinths of the modern social media platforms. Being so involved with this artificial global community I became blind to myself. It was yet another way of escapism, of running away from myself. And although in this specific case I knew that the running away with the help of social media needed to stop long ago, I was quite unable to pull myself away from it.

Evaluating this as yet another great lesson and reflecting on it, what I realized was that if I ever wanted to make a difference, a real difference in my life, I would have to find a way to activate my internal navigation system that has been silenced time and time again. Quite early on I admitted that I was willfully exposing myself to others peoples opinions, advice and decisions, but what I wasn't consciously aware of, was how greatly my involvement in these platforms impacted my ability to make my own decisions, to learn from my own experience, to come up with my own advice and form my own opinion.

I am absolutely certain that just like me, you have also found yourself in the same situation. Knowing that someone else or something else has taken the control over your steering wheel and is navigating your life and you don't know how to regain control over it. And it is really not just about social media. It happens every time we involve ourselves with people, groups and society in general. People will always try to share their advice and will try to convince you into something. They will proudly lecture you on what it is that you should be doing, what kinds of steps you should be taking. They will tell you who you are and who you ought to become. They will also tell you everything that is wrong with you, and what it is that you can do about it. And it is okay to listen and to take it into account, as long as you still know that you can make your own decisions and live your life based on your own opinion and in the way that makes you happy.

This is also why new years resolutions are so similar for so many people every year: "Lose weight, eat healthier, stop smoking..." They are collectively dictated. They are not really our own.

If you want to really start fresh, this time actually making a difference, you have to learn how to steer your own wheel.

In 2021 prevent yourself from sinking too deep into the worlds that are not your own. To start fresh give your eyes, your mind and your spirit a break. Learn to evaluate what benefits you and what doesn't and do it without other peoples inputs.

Start fresh by deleting social media if that is what's needed to break the mental codependency. Set your own needs and goals, according to what you are naturally drawn to and what will make you happy in the long run. There is a big difference in quitting smoking because someone else told you it is bad for you, or because you actually know and believe that it is bad for you. Knowing where a specific need or aspiration comes from and giving it your own personal meaning and knowing the reasoning behind it will affect your level of motivation and your persistence in achieving it greatly. It's the same with quitting social media and everything else as well. You have to learn to calculate the benefits (for example, you believe that social media motivates you, that you learn a lot from it, that it brings great joy to your life, that it can become your full time job that you will enjoy, etc.) and the potential damage (for example: the blue light causes damage to your eyes, or the social media make you miss out on real life, or it makes you feel incompetent and as if you are a failure, etc.) and decide on what is real for you and what you want to do about it.

Don't take other people's word for anything. Sure, take their advice and add them to your calculations, but what is really important is to try things for yourself and then see for yourself how they benefit or damage you. Start fresh by starting to finally decide for yourself, giving yourself more, and others less power!

The most important step you can take at any moment in your life, and also in the new year is to take the responsibility you have been gladly passing on to someone or something else. Letting someone else decide for you might be easier in the short run, but in the long run it will most likely prove itself to be the biggest regret you've ever had.

Start fresh by understanding that YOU are the ONLY ONE that knows what is right for you!

4. SAVE SOME MONEY

I remember my frustrations when one of the consequences of the Pandemic was governments closing down all of my favorite shopping centers, restaurants and businesses. Being the first-born and most spoiled in my family, I have grown to become a dedicated consumer. I would spend ALL of my money on clothes, make-up and shoes, gas, books and different workshops and courses. Except for the money spent on books and workshops and courses, I regretted almost every penny I've ever spent on things I didn't really need. Although the closing of businesses first seemed like a literal hell, I soon realized that it's the best thing that has ever happened to me. And you know, that's how it is in life. Something that seems to be the worst possible thing that could possibly happen can in reality become the best thing that ever happened and a great learning experience.

Looking back, I realized what an amazing learning opportunity it has been being deprived of money-spending ventures and opportunities. And how good it felt to start breaking free from the tie of consumerism. Not only was I able to save some money, but I also realized that I don't need to buy everything just because it looks cute.

Starting fresh, realizing that we do not need everything that we are offered, will result in breaking free from this irrational need to spend and consume until our bellies and minds are ready to explode. Opening our eyes to how we are being controlled and manipulated through powerful marketing techniques we are constantly exposed to, proves itself beneficial to us in many ways. First it acts as an opportunity to see things for what they really are and to start deciding differently, eventually becoming less and less easy to lure and manipulate. Secondly it opens up some mental space, that has previously been occupied by shiny new things and makes it available for more reasonable and rational decision-making on how and what we will spend our money on.

What an excellent opportunity to start fresh. Going into the new year more cautious and aware of the traps that lay beneath our feet. It doesn't only benefit our wallets, but our minds and bodies as well as we become more aware of what we are consuming.

5. SHARE YOUR CHOCOLATE

Speaking of money, saving it is not enough though. Sooner or later we will be forced to spend our savings on food, if not anything else. Finding ways to make some money has proved itself to be quite challenging in the ties of crisis as well. If anything, we have all had enough time to explore alternative ways of making it. Here I am, as a freelance writer, putting my aspirations into one day being able to provide for myself with writing. I always wanted to do it, but if it wasn't for the long hours of the previous year, not knowing what to do with myself and exploring all of my talents and inclinations, I don't think I would have ever posted anything online. Everything serves its purpose. This whole situation is an excellent opportunity to not only find alternative ways of making a living, but also discover what it is that we really actually enjoy doing.

So allow yourself to start fresh in 2021 by taking on new challenges and trying out new things, exploring where your potential lies. Learn about the alternative ways of making extra dollars and learn how to monetize your knowledge. Whether you are an aspiring writer, painter, musician, gardener, or whatever else, try and share your knowledge with the world.

IT IS JUST LIKE SHARING YOUR CHOCOLATE. You think its sweeter keeping it to yourself until you share it with someone who appreciates it, or even better - someone who is willing to pay for a piece of it. Now is the perfect time to do so. Understand though, that it takes time before your name starts popping up, and that being consistent is more important than having talent.

Start fresh by taking the first step into the unknown.

Start fresh by sharing yourself with the world and by trying out new things.

Start fresh by being open to finding alternative ways to making a living and living your life.

6. TAKE COLD SHOWERS

I remember when the trend of taking cold showers daily started blooming all over social media. Of course, I had to try it. It didn't take me long to realize why I never managed to stick to it. It was because I was doing it for all the wrong reasons. At first I did it because it was supposedly a great way to boost your immune system, your emotional stamina and your ability to take on stress. My motivation lasted two days.

I realized that this is how we all sometimes tend to take on things in our life - for all the wrong reasons. This doesn't mean that taking on cold showers everyday because it can allegedly boost your immune system is the wrong reason for everybody. To whom boosting their immune system is an actual value and something extremely important in life, this is the best possible reason. But to me, it just wasn't enough. I just took it on because other people were taking it on.

What I realized in 2020 was that I am eager to become more resilient. And that meant doing the things that make me uncomfortable, to expand my field of comfort. It was the little things like driving a big truck instead of the car I am used to, or to park in an overcrowded parking lot. It was eating leftovers from the previous day, which I never ever did, until I was forced to cook for myself and others and didn't want to do it every single day. Becoming resilient means not giving in to the caprices of our minds. It means knowing what your choice is and being able to do something even if it challenges you or makes you uncomfortable. In that sense, taking cold showers became a technique to break my mind in, first thing in the morning. I don't do it every morning, I do it when the need arises, regardless of how much my body is resisting it.

You too can start fresh in 2021, by taking on challenges that either make you somewhat uncomfortable, or that frighten you. Most importantly, you have to understand why you want to do something and how it will benefit you (establishing this will motivate you)!

What is also really important is taking these challenges one step at a time. Don't rush it, unless you think you really have to. Otherwise take it slow and understand, that change is a process and it takes time.

7. GROW A GARDEN

Reflecting on the previous year and the situation we found ourselves in really got me thinking. 2020 was in many ways an extremely overwhelming year. People's lives were turned upside down, we were facing fears, restrictions and prohibitions that a modern western man is not used to be subjected to and oddly enough, our whole reality has changed drastically right in front of our eyes...

The circumstances we were presented with got many of us thinking about the life that we want to be living and the kind of future we want to provide for ourselves and our (future) children. It got us thinking about the kind of society that we would want to be a part of in the future. I believe that the total transformation of our reality and our lives, made many of us dream about a different world. I know it made me.

I've always been a sensitive person, as many of us are. Many of us, surrounded by comfort and stability our whole lives, never really learned how to be resilient, independent and self-sufficient. Not really, because we really didn't have to. G. Michael Hopf once said: "“Hard times create strong men. Strong men create good times. Good times create weak men. And, weak men create hard times.” And he was right.

The most important lesson that 2020 has gifted me with and that is the most important building block, not only of my own fresh start in 2021" but also of the future I am creating is the discovery of my innermost desires and aspirations. And that is to grow gardens. Many of them. Some of them to grow flowers and vegetables, that will feed me, my family and my community and soothe our eyes with their beauty. And some of them inside of myself, the inner gardens, that will feed my soul.

You can do the same!

To start fresh this year, start nurturing and watering your innermost desires and aspirations. Know that the seed has all the potential to grow. It is completely up to you which of the seeds would decide and allow to be planted in your soil and which one of them you water. Plant seeds of hope and ideas and wait patiently until they are ready to be sowed. Growing a garden takes time and you have to understand that.

Start fresh by carefully observing which thoughts, ideas and goals you nurture and allow. Slowly you will learn to separate the flowers from the weeds and when you do, be ready to clean your garden of those weeds that are most destructive. Feed your soul and mind with the produce from your inner garden. Nurturing the soul, the mind and the heart is just as important as nurturing the body. Wisely deciding on the kind of nutrients you provide to your body, is just as important as is deciding on the nutrients that you feed to your mind. Remember that.

I wish all of you the freshest and most beautiful of starts.

Sincerely,