Dear Anonymus user, THANK YOU !

Dear Anonymus user,

the last few days have been rough.

Yesterday marked exactly one week since I was last able to write. Or should I say - since I was last able to write something good, something I was proud of and something that I was willing to share with the world.

And I know... some might think that seven days of non-productivity is nothing, but let me tell you. For an aspiring artist, who plans to make a living as a writer, seven days can be A LOT!

So for the past seven days I have been patiently staring at my notebook, biting on my pen for hours on end and waiting for something to happen. There was such an immense need to write, but little or no right words to do so. I felt my mind hibernating.

And then yesterday, something happened.

I received a notification:

First, I want to say this:

Dear Anonymus user,

THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

THANK YOU SO MUCH!

Knowing that there is someone out there somewhere, that actually reads and enjoys my work gives me the greatest joy and satisfaction.

Your generous tip did not only buy me numerous cups of my favorite Tea, but it also gave me something far more important. It awoke me from my week-long slumber and it helped me find answers to the famous "WHY's" ?

WHY CAN'T I WRITE ?

All throughout my hibernation period I kept facing the same question. The first "WHY?" - Why can't I write?

It was today, while writing this letter to you, that I finally realized what my issue might be.

All this time I felt inspired, ready and excited to write, but I just wasn't able to form the sentences like I usually do, nor was I able to find the right words that would describe, whatever it was that I was trying to describe.

So my problem was definitely not the lack of inspiration, or the lack of time. No, I had all the time in the world to come up with something good. But I didn't. So if it wasn't any of these things, then what was the problem. What was preventing me from writing?

The fact that I somehow managed to write three short stories, an article and some poems, just days before my hibernation, confused me even more. So why was I unable to come up with something, anything at all, just a week after that?

I am pretty sure by now that it was my own expectations stopping me from writing. How do I know? Well, let me tell you.

After I received a generous tip from you, my dear Anonymus user, I had to somehow find a way to say thank you. Because you are anonymus, there was no other way for me to find you and thank you, but to write a letter and publish it. I felt in some way compelled to express my gratitude and I had to force myself to do that. As I said, I can feel my mind hibernating. And yes, I still do. Yes, even now while I am writing this letter.

Antoinette Pienaar once said: "Hibernation leads to transformation." And I believe she was right. Hibernation is the time to rest, rejuvenate, regenerate, reflect, and prepare yourself for the seasons that follow and challenges they bring with them. It would be great if we all understood the healing powers of the hibernation period and use them to our advantage.

But that doesn't mean just giving up and sleeping your way through the hibernation. I mean, go ahead if you do feel like that's exactly what you need to do. But for me, as a content creator and as a writer, it is crucial to learn how to navigate through hibernation period (aka "writer's block period") in such a way, that I can keep coming up with new content, even when my mind needs to rest.

My problem was that I expected the same level of excellency from myself, even when my mind needed to hibernate. I have a particular writing style, I like to use fancy words and I like to describe the stories I am trying to portray in great detail. Last week I was unable to find words, or imagine the details, or write in a way that I usually do.

And because of that, I didn't write. So the problem wasn't really the inability to write. It was my unconscious resistance, stemming from me not being able to reach my expected level of writing, that was preventing me from writing. I was my own obstacle. I didn't want to create something that wasn't going to be as good as my previous work. But the truth is, you have to first create something to see if it's worse, good enough or even better than what you expected it to be. Just because it doesn't go as planned, doesn't mean it's not gonna end up being good, and just because you don't love it doesn't mean someone else won't.

Scott Berkun once said: “It’s not the fear of writing that blocks people, it’s the fear of not writing well; something quite different.”

I was secretly scared of failing. And of not reaching my own expectations. The "not-so-secret struggle of the perfectionists"!

Joyce Rachelle said: “Writer's block: That moment when you freeze on the bridge between expectation and reality.”

It's nice to know that I am not the only one feeling this way.

After I received your donation I realized I can't go on like this. I can't sabotage myself every time something doesn't go as planned. It took me writing this letter to you, my dear Anonymus user, to realize that I am actually completely capable of writing, even when my mind is resting, even when I don't feel like it and even when it doesn't come out the way I expected it to!

John Rogers said: “You can’t think yourself out of a writing block; you have to write yourself out of a thinking block.”

And he was right. The only way to start writing again, is to stop overthinking and start writing.

So I did. I started writing, with my mind slumbering and resting. I let whatever wanted to be expressed to express itself, and I let go of the need to make it better, nicer, extravagant and unique. I had no energy to do so. So I tossed my expectations aside for a moment and I just wrote. This letter is nothing like my other articles and stories. It isn't romantic, it isn't dreamy, it isn't fantastic. But it is still a letter.

So thank you, dear Anonymus user, for giving me the motivation to keep trying!

WHY I WRITE?

The second "WHY" you helped me answer, is: "WHY I WRITE?"

I struggled with this letter. I knew I wanted to write it and I knew that I was going to make it happen, even if it takes me months. In the end it only really took me two days. Far too long, I know, but still better than not writing it at all :P.

Knowing that you are out there somewhere and that you enjoy my work, reminded me of WHY I WRITE.

I write because I am compelled to do so. Something inside of me wants me to write. It is a way to let go and to receive. It's a way to travel to another world and another time. I can be whoever I want to be when I write. I need nothing but imagination! That is why I write. But knowing that there is someone else out there, enjoying my work, travelling to different worlds with me through my stories, skinny dipping in my imagination... well let me tell you, that fills me with even greater joy! And it is why I write.

So, dear Anonymus user, thank you for your support. It means the world to me!

Yours truly,

Dear readers,

there is nothing that I enjoy more, than creating new stories for you :)

If you like this story and you want to support me,

you can buy me a cup of Tea, by sending me a gift below <3