A Dream Realized

Hugh was standing there looking out the window from the 25th floor a view that almost every new employee had looked out and exclaimed how great the view was and how much they were looking forward to working there, seeing the London skyline as it spread out from the Thames. They all thought it was great for the first month, until their soul started slipping away into those rectangular vortices filled with spreadsheets, charts and e-mails that worked to slowly replace the dreams and goals that once had filled them.

Today was different though, Hugh stood there remembering his first view, the initial excitement then followed by 10 years of soul-sucking work that he never seemed to find the motivation to escape…until now. He had received the call two weeks ago and could hardly believe he’d won, he never won, but he’d won $20,000. He didn’t even remember entering the contest or why it was in dollars, it didn’t matter though it was the push he’d needed…today was the last day of his time working there, the last day of feeling like he was slowly losing a desire for life, a desire he once knew but could barely recall.

He walked back to his desk, packed up the remainder of his things, barely noticing a little black book sitting among his other belongings, and walked out. There were a few goodbyes and good lucks offered as he made his way to the elevator and then silence for the ride down. It was done, he was free and he didn’t have a clue what he was going to do, he just knew it had to be better than the last 10 years.

Sitting and reflecting on the past 10 years in his flat that night Hugh listened to the city noise outside, something he’d never quite gotten used to, and began thinking about what he would do next. He had given notice to his landlord that he’d be leaving and in the last two weeks had gotten rid of almost everything he owned. Thinking he should maybe make a plan of some sort for the coming future he began looking for a notebook.

He found the little black book tucked into the box he’d brought from the desk at work. Turning it over in his hands as he took in the satin black cover, the slightly textured surface under his fingers, it felt and looked new. Did I buy this? I don’t remember it. He thought to himself as he pushed the elastic band aside and opened the curious, little black book. Then he stood there, transfixed for a minute as he took in the first page…

In case of loss, return to: Hugh Lauson

The little green tent next to Shenavall bothy

Base of An Teallach

Highlands, Scotland

It had been years since he had been to that spot. Closing his eyes he could still remember the time spent there during a challenging, yet fulfilling week helping to work on the little bothy, drinking scotch with new found friends, watching the vibrant sunsets turn into stunning star filled nights. What he couldn’t remember was taking a little black book on the trip. Flipping through the pages confirmed this…they were all blank.

Hugh didn’t sleep much that last night in what was now the empty shell of what had been his home for the past 10 years. He instead found himself worrying mostly about the unknowns of what was to come.

* * *

He had turned in his keys and as he descended the steps from his studio flat to St George’s Drive one last time he felt both a sense of dread and of release. Not knowing what challenges he would face in the coming time yet happy at the stresses he was leaving behind. He turned right making his way to Victoria station, knowing his first step was to escape the city and the career that had seemed to weigh more and more heavily on him as the years had progressed.

* * *

Sitting, watching the world pass by as the scenery changed from urban to rural he found himself contemplating his life. Reaching into his bag he took out the little black book he’d held onto. He’d sold his car, auctioned or donated most of his belongings and yet he held onto this little, curious black book. Opening the book as he watched the world fly past he turned to what he knew was the first of many blank pages and looked down ready to begin a list but was suddenly frozen by what lay before him.

The page that had been blank, he was positive the entire book had been blank, save that first page with the curious address. Now on the page before him was a list, a list of everything he’d once found himself wanting to be. Farmer, mechanic, pilot, photographer, writer, adventurer… Every one preceded by a little blank box as if it had been waiting to come true and every one with a line through its length as if there had come a point at which he’d accepted they would never come true. He stared at each line, his mind running through the film of his life as each dream flowered and died. Turning the page he found the a blank page, had he missed the first page? He couldn’t remember ever making such a list. No matter, I’ll make a new list, one I’ll stick to till it’s true and complete – he thought as the world rushed by outside.

Start small – he thought – make the list a path toward a goal and not simply the end goal. With that in mind he began writing out waypoints. Quit Job-check! Get rid of meaningless junk-check! Board train for Scotland-check! What would be next? Stock up on supplies, Board last train for Achnasheen, Head north toward Dundonnell, Take path to Shenavall, Camp at Shenavall (Home)… He knew that there should be a career or life goal more after that but at the moment that’s all he could seem to come up with and it’s all that really seemed to matter at the present…A simple goal to start from anew. I’m sure the next goal will come in time. He thought to himself as he pictured the coming journey against the fleeting blur that was the world passing by.

* * *

Standing there he felt frozen, breathless, and filled with a longing that had grown stronger as he slowly made his way closer to this place. He took in the view as the foot of the munro known as An Teallach gracefully descended into Strath na Sealga and across to Beinn Dearg Mor before extending out as the valley cradled Loch na Sealga into the distance. Hugh took in a deep breath, filling his lungs with that fresh highland air. He could feel a sense of belonging, a sense that he’d finally be able to feel whole once again. Letting out the breath he took a step and slowly started making his way to the little bothy sitting at the base of the mighty munro looking out on the valley as it had for many years since it was first a game keepers home till now as an emergency shelter for hikers and adventurers looking to explore this remote region of Scotland.

* * *

He’d decided to make a fire in the ring outside Shenavall bothy instead of inside like he had so many years prior. He had explored inside and outside after setting up the little green tent. Surveying the renovations he’d been a part of so many years ago and seeing how the bothy had been maintained. He had put an entry in the register, noting the date and simply writing – Arrived home – in the area for notes. Now as he sat by the fire he took in the spectacle that he had so vividly remembered over the years. As the sun drifted lower in the sky it lit the clouds as embers matching those of his fire. He sipped from a small flask as the hills bathed in this warm glow. He watched as the world turned from a spectacle of fire to a cool blue as the sun descended below the hills in the distance.

Sitting there as the light slowly retreated and the hills became dark shadows he remembered the little black book. He pulled the book from his bag, opening to the new list he’d made. He slowly worked his way through all the waypoints he’d checked off on this journey home and paused looking at the last line; Camp at Shenavall (Home)…check…

Hugh felt a completeness he had not felt in a long time and yet he felt a sense of regret at not having completed more lists like this in his life, regretted not holding onto some of the dreams he’d held for the blink of an eye and regretted settling for a life that had slowly drained the life from his soul over the years…No more, no more regrets, he thought. Then, looking at the newly completed list he sat there trying to think of what would be next; nothing came.

Holding the little black book he looked up at the night sky and was met by a black canopy carpeted in diamonds. The sight filled him with an awe he could only recall as being equaled once, years ago and only 10 feet from where he sat this night. As he lost himself in the stars shining above he let the little black book fall to his lap; full of a list that was never fully realized and by another that had been completed. As he watched the stars he could almost feel a dark, cool hand rest on his shoulder and as the stars faded to black he knew the rest of the little black book would remain blank.

* * *

Stories would be written in the days following; what had driven a successful businessman to quit his job and leave a life for the remote hills of Scotland? Had he known something none of his friends knew about his health? What had been meant by the single list checked off in the book and why was nothing else written in it?

Slowly the articles would fade into a distant memory. The questions would go unanswered. Then, just as Hugh had watched the stars fade into nothingness so would the memory of him; a man who’d finally realized a dream, maybe a bit too late and yet just in time…Will you realize your dreams in time?