30 Journal Entries to Self Discovery - Day 21

Happy day 21 and day 20! Since I pretty much already did my greeting today, I'll keep it short and sweet. Thank you all again for following along. I hope you're all still writing along. I can't believe I've made it this far, blah, blah, blah. Here's another quote for today: "If I waited 'til I felt like writing, I'd never write at all." - Anne Tyler

DAY TWENTY-ONE: What am I currently struggling with?

Today, I'm currently struggling with the fact that I can't talk to the one person I want to talk to. Ever have a best friend that you tell everything to and then lose that best friend? Yeah. It's kind of a daily struggle at the moment. I love the people in my life, but there's one person I used to talk to pretty much every single day. If not every single day, at least every week. I told him everything. He was my best friend in more ways than one and I miss talking with him. Hell, I miss just hanging around him.

He was one of those people that didn't pass judgment. Or rather, he did, but in the quiet, just raising his eyebrows, with no actual comment, just a little smirk way. He also knew me well enough that it usually wasn't a judgment. He usually just knew what I did before I even told him. Then he would laugh at me for telling him what he had said I'd done in the first place. He was the perfect person to talk to because he always knew the best smart-ass response to make me think about whatever stupid decision I might be making. He was also the only one who was brave enough to tell me honestly that I was making a stupid decision. He was also one of the only ones who was brave enough to argue with me no matter what the subject.

I don't know why I miss him so much. I have other friends. Only about two that aren't afraid to argue with me or tell me when I'm making a stupid decision, but they're there. My friends are awesome and I'm so lucky to have them. There was just... something different about him. The way we talk and joke and argue, it was our own personal style. He was also very good at making me feel uncomfortable, which is not an easy feat. You never realize how much you miss the little things until they aren't there anymore.

Anyway, I think I'm struggling with it more lately because he was my go-to when things got hard. I knew I could complain to him or ask him for help or just wipe my snot on his shirt as I balled my eyes out. Lately, things have been hard, especially with my grandma just passing away. When I first found out, he was the first person I thought about calling—mostly because I knew I could bawl my eyes out and just go on and on talking about my grandma and I knew he wouldn't say a word. He wouldn't try to tell me she's in a better place or anything. He would just sit there and hold me until I stopped crying. He's that kind of guy. He knows exactly how to comfort me which is odd because I'm not exactly easily comforted. I just want to talk to my best friend the way that we used to talk. That's my current struggle.

My thoughts: I think this is a great question. A hard question, but a great question for self-discovery. You don't always think about what you're really struggling with at one particular moment in time. So I think this is a great self-discovery question for what's bothering you over the long-term.