18 Long Years
A poem about love, loss and letting go
~I've cried enough of my tears from this nightmare. In ways death can be like an everlasting dream, and for some, their eternal visions of horror can last for a lifetime. In my case, I need to move on and let go. This is not just for my health but for the family I do have who are living with me in the present. I must let go of the dreams that could've of been and wake to the dreams that will be manifested by me in the real world. Writing this poem has helped me cope with the loss of my soulmate eighteen years ago. It's time to heal, it's time to wake up, and it's time for me to be at peace.
18 long years I've been without you.
18 long years I've cried.
18 long years I've dreamed of you right beside me.
18 long years I've wished you were still alive.
You loved me, for me, no matter my looks.
The weight didn't bother you, or my illnesses.
My beliefs and paths i had, you didn't bat an eye.
You cared for what was inside me, and that's what counted.
Since your passing, I've heard people say, "There are plenty of fish in the sea."
They also reply with, "you'll find another."
Or my favorite, "it's hard at first, but the pain will subside."
But...it hasn't...
For 18 years my pain has only grown to higher levels where it's harder to let someone into my heart.
For 18 years I've tried finding another, but was left with broken pieces of ships that never sailed.
For 18 years, I've longed for an equal, only to discover toads in an eternal, disgusting swamp of lust.
Will i ever find the other piece to my soul?
Has the Great Divine spoke that there is no being for me?
Is it written in the stars that i am to wander this earth in shattered pieces?
Never to share my differences with another unique individual?
I have sent my energies out for 18 years, and prayed for some day to meet another.
All i can do is hope.
I will always love you, sweet Matt, but i must go on with this life.
I want to be happy.
I know you're on the other-side waiting for me, and i appreciate that.
I hope some day we both will be reunited, but for this moment, on this earth, i must find my own bliss on this chosen path that i am on.
18 long years i have mourned you.
18 long years i have carried these happy memories to keep going.
And for 18 long years i have thanked the Divine above for blessing me with your presence.
Though it was for a short time, i know now, there is someone else out there waiting patiently for me.
So, i let you go, Matt.
I relinquish all my past regrets, all the wishes and dreams that could've been.
Yes, i loved, i was loved back, i lost that same love, but i still stand, and i have learned from it.
For 18 long years, i am finally at peace.
About the Creator
Julianne Algueseva
Just your friendly neighborhood writer and craftswoman. Doing all what I can to spread kindness and creativity throughout this wide world. I enjoy reading fiction and non-fiction books, as well as writing from my own life's journeys.
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