Your Own Most Ruthless Critic: How to Calm Your Inner Voice

We are our own biggest critics.

It is why it is so easy to beat ourselves down. As one who prides themself in setting goals and stopping at nothing to achieve them, and who of course has mastered the art of breaking goals into sizable chunks achievable in smaller time frames, there are times I still come up short. Beaten. Angry. And frustrated at not making smaller sized goals. A critique exists in every one of us: it is one of the hardest lessons we might keep learning all our lives.

This tough judge never sleeps, it is always on the alert and notices any mistake: "You can't do anything." “If you can’t do something this small, how can you do anything big?”

Sometimes the critic is even harsher, angrier, and more brutal than we realize. It sneaks up on us on the night and tells us:

"You don't deserve either love!”

“You don’t deserve a good salary, what work do you do anyway?"

Such harsh critic. What do we with this inner critic, do we shut it out?

Here, in this article, we will consider healthier ways to deal with self-assessment and criticism. If you wish to read more about my work, please check out my website, a media agency - A&E or my Instagram.

1. Make friends with your critiquing voice

Visualize your critique as a self. An alternate self with alternate views.

Defeating your critic once and for all is very unlikely to succeed. Your inner voice is powerful and strong. It is never going away. But you can do one tricky thing - make friends with it. Like you are bound to accept or reject the suggestion of a friend with respect, let your inner voice be that friend.

Consider that the inner critic has a positive intention: to move you forward. This way you can develop without reproaching yourself. Self-digging the painful experience of mistakes is unnecessary. They take away energy that could have been better spent on more productive things.

2. You can shape your inner critic

Like a friend is influenced by you and you are influenced also, in the same way, yo can shape your inner critic. Your new friend and companion.

Be kinder to yourself. There is kindness even in criticism. When you asses yourself, put your critic not above yourself, but next to you - let him not accuse, but suggest wise decisions. He should be at the same time with you and say: "Try to do it like this" instead of calling you labels. Remind yourself of this often. And over time, the place of criticism on the inner pedestal will be taken by a loving parent who will charge you with his love, sympathize with failures and praise you for your achievements.

3. Record and reward good deeds

Like you would reward a friend and a friend would reward you, reward yourself when you achieve a milestone, no matter how small. Notice all your successes and victories, even the smallest ones. Write them down so you don't forget anything. Push yourself to achieve more so your critic can allow you more rewards.

4. Live

Enjoy tiny things. Good moments. Acknowledge them. Your inner voice is shaped by the things you value. When you place importance on the quiet little things we take for granted in our pursuit of utopic excellence, such as family, and friends, and little laughters and modest parties, it would be easier to celebrate success when it comes, no matter its size. And to deal with failure as well.

Your critic is only as alive and ‘lovely’ as you are lively. Be alive. Live.