Why Am I Not Looking Forward To Being 50

49 And Counting

Lately, I have noticed more and more how the typical wisdom of the ages has been weighing on my mind. I'm sure that it is the same for many because the numbers are ingrained in us all. From our youths forward we begin to realize the importance of what numbers signify. In this case, I'm talking about the significance of the number 50.

Why It Hits Us As We Hit 50

Traditional wisdom would tell that most people have less time in front of them than they have behind them at age 50. Chronological age may matter because of that fact.

Living in the central region of Illinois my whole life, I know what the approximate average life expectancy of a male is and that as I fast approach the age of 50 in just under two weeks, I live in the 27th worst state for male life expectancy. It could, of course, be worse. I could live in Alabama, the lowest-ranked state when it comes to men's longevity. If you want to see the life expectancy for males in your state, click here.

A person's life expectancy is something that people look at for how much time they have in this world. It's the measure of how long they have to accomplish their goals and dreams. When you're passing the halfway point, you start to reflect more on what about your life has gone right and what you still need time to accomplish.

While there are significantly fewer lunar cycles in front of me than there are behind me, I can understand why people begin to appreciate things like a full moon more as they get older. Taking the time to smell the roses is important in life. When we're younger, knowing less, and possessing far less wisdom than we do by middle age we're bound by the hustle and bustle of making our way in the world.

Unfortunately, taking the time to enjoy a sunset, to enjoy the smell of a fine flower, or the taste of a good glass of wine, doesn't set it until we feel comfortable enough not to spend all our time working, building, and hunting for a mate. Such a large amount of our time is spent tending to things that don't matter in the grand scheme of things. In the earliest years of adulthood, we will spend seventy percent of our lives in the hunt for financial security, opportunities, wealth, and love.

You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old

--George Burns

Regrets

Is it better to ask forgiveness than it is to be given permission? In some cases, this is an absolute. In others, not so much. When it comes to physical contact with another, it's always better to have permission and carries much less time in prison. The same sentiment goes for taking money, property, or photographs.

For the rest of things, we're likely to have regrets, whether it's better to ask for forgiveness or not. If you have lived any type of life worth noting, chances are you have regrets. They may not mean much in your 20s or 30s, but as you get to your 40s and older, they come back to haunt you.

Of my regrets, I regret that I raised a child alone, never being able to give him the well-rounded existence that comes with a loving mother and father (or two parents) in the picture. I carry that regret with me as he's found it hard to live in the present, focus on the future, and forget the past. Most of what he holds onto directly correlates to my inability to find someone to share my life with and numerous repeated failures, even though I kept trying.

I have many other regrets. I was once in a profession that left me with plenty of regrets.

I regret not being more mature at times because my life might have been more productive.

I regret not telling special people how much they mattered. Many died without me ever saying how I felt.

I regret certain parenting decisions because they were incorrect. But, nobody handed out a guide to raising kids when I was 20 years old.

Some regrets can be addressed. As long as there's still breath in you, there's a chance to correct some things about life. Sadly, that's not an all-inclusive chance.

A Sense Of Comfort With Yourself

In an ever-fluid world, the older you get, the closer to middle age you get, the more comfortable with yourself you find yourself being. It's a natural progression of life.

Sure, you're still a dreamer. We don't start having dreams until we are gone. The older you get the dreams may become simpler. But, as you hit middle age, you have that burst of energy and that sense of urgency that will drive you in a direction you might not expect.

While some people may be driven in a direction that means promotion or career advancement, others may find themselves at the end of one journey only to begin another. I ended one journey as a Sheriff's Deputy and began another as a telecommunications technician. Then, I added a second parallel journey to my days.

Writing seemed like something I would eventually try my hand at and had truthfully been on my mind for many years. Thanks to the internet and platforms like Medium, Vocal +, Newsbreak, and others, a person that has even a modicum of skill can start the journey towards writing.

Writing at nearly 50 is interesting because I look back on the last twenty-five years and realize how much I wouldn't have known. The available subject matter is far more interesting in the 21st century. The things a person has learned over nearly 30 years as an adult add up, giving a unique perspective on today's issues. And, there's nothing that is in our imaginations we are going to feel any reluctance to write because we're old enough that...who cares?

Conclusion

The journey isn't over at 50. While I recognize why it's so significant, it's like the 250th lap of a 500 lap race. It's when things have the potential to get interesting again. While there may be many tests, some that can break a person, there may be many great moments.

So, why am I not looking forward to my 50th birthday?

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