Watching without judgement

My day had been long and emotionally draining, people will do that to you. They don't usually realise the toll they take on others but their confusions and need for clarity make them hammer you with psychic white noise, questions, questions, questions. Sadly they are not often ready for the answers that will give them the clarity they seek. Cognitive dissonance: the state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes, especially as relating to behavioural decisions and attitude change.

The incongruent nature of my job means I can sometimes manage to find black humour in the scenarios that play out in front of me, other times I just feel sadness and mental exhaustion. Being an Empath by nature I find it hard to disconnect from the emotions that are around me, both human and animal. They can immobilise me and cloud my judgement and at these times I use a visualisation exercise to ground me again.

Here it is:

I am sitting on the little fishing deck and night has gently fallen, comforting and cool after the days warmth. I can still just see the outlines of the hills up and away in front of me across the creek. The last of the suns rays just a memory and the rising of the moon is imminent.

The sounds of the creek can be heard, that beautiful constant song of water making its path through rocks, pebbles and sand. The bringer and sustainer of life...water. So soothing and grounding to listen to in the darkness.

Now I allow the other night noises to filter through, I focus on each in turn and allow it to bring something to me that I need in this moment. The rustle of the eucalypts above me and the muffled movements of the stock across the water. Snuffles, footfalls, leaves moving and the odd twig cracking. Nothing ominous at all, just familiar and safe sounds.

As my breathing slows and my tensed muscles relax I wait for him to come. That presence, that ancient and wise presence that I have experienced only rarely in real life but who I have snap shotted into my conscience to bring out and remember in detail when needed. I have archived him if you will. My very own wise one, the one that can impassively observe without judgement or emotion. That can just take in every minute detail that is required to make a decision unencumbered by human emotions or doubts.

He moves quietly, so quietly that it is just a whisper of air that you feel as he swoops low over your head and lands gracefully on the branch above. He fluffs out and lets his feathers fall back into perfect alignment and then swivels that beautiful flat face towards me. We sit and stare at each other, he blinks then so do I. Drawing in each breath, I carefully settle into my own perch (the chair) while trying to relax and just absorb the moment.

I feel honoured, blessed by his presence here and by his gaze. That yellow eyed, seeing all gaze. There is no fear from him, no judgement or emotions. More importantly no questions, no chaos, pain, grief, anger, resentment. There is just calm, wise and observant. I hold that thought tightly and archive it, this is what will see me through that next consult. This is what I need to be for my human and canine client, unencumbered by all the white noise that distracts from the facts and the pathway through the chaos.

So I come back to the present, it has only been moments really and the client is still reeling off the litany of hard done by's that her dog has caused her. The costs, the time, the money, the resentments and disillusionments.

This was not what she signed up for! This dog cost her a fortune and the 'breeder' had told her that they didn't shed, didn't need grooming or training. Out of the box these Oodle dogs, just plug n play! Perfect with children!

The dog sits and watches me, sadness and confusion in his eyes. Why is this human always angry? He cannot seem to understand why the human does not see his cues, what he needs and what he is asking for. Engagement attempts are continually rebuffed and punished, the dog's attempts at self gaming are punished also. No matter what behaviour the dog offers to this woman there is conflicting responses, no clear pathway for the canine to follow to minimise his stress. So the anxiety builds, grows like a storm inside then erupts out as reactivity aggression, destructive behaviour, separation type behaviours of barking, howling, digging and finally in a last ditch effort to find happiness... the escaping begins.

I have seen this over and over, selfish owners that are blind to the needs of their dog. That they only see this purchase as a solution to their own loneliness and various anxieties. I take a deep breathe, then exhale. I look deep into that dogs eyes and make a silent promise to him that I will try to change their human, educate them, placate them. Whatever it takes to give this dog a better life. This is what I do, because I can make changes. Just one dog at a time but it resonates within me each time I see a relationship change from impending dog/human divorce to one of understanding and patience on both sides.

Here I stand, waiting out the tirade and letting all of the negativity flow past me and trying to not let it mire me down. Trying to watch without judgement. Holding onto the image of that beautiful, serene flat face and yellow eyes of the Barn Owl