The True Tales of an Insomniac

Insomnia: Noun. Habitual sleeplessness or the inability to sleep.

I am an insomniac. My insomnia is an offshoot, a symptom, of another problem entirely—an indication of not being alright, but that doesn't change the truth of the matter. I am an insomniac.

Science says that the less you sleep, the earlier you will die. Sleep is an important function that the body needs to do. It helps your brain process and reset, prepare for the day ahead, and finish restoring from the day past. It helps your body regain energy due to your inactivity. Your immune system gets time to do its job. Your body gets to reset.

It's something that I haven't really been able to do for a long time.

Of course, this doesn't mean that I don't sleep at all. My average sleep time per night is between two to three hours. But some nights I sleep normally, and some nights, I don't sleep at all.

And it isn't for lack of trying. Every night I get ready for bed, every night I lay down and I hope that tonight will be one of the nights that I can sleep a normal amount, and most nights, I am disappointed.

Sleeping pills work, but using them continuously makes them lose their effectiveness, so I only use them when I am really desperate for a good night's sleep, or when I'm ill.

I have learned, from much experience, how to coexist with my insomniac tendencies. I stay up late, do homework in the middle of the night. For some reason, my brain seems to work better in the middle of the night when it's supposed to be sleeping. I learned that tea is more helpful for the days I am feeling the drowsiness than coffee is.

Side note: Black and green teas deliver caffeine to your body slowly over time, making the wake last longer, but not feel as effective for many people due to the fact that it doesn't wake you up immediately. But you feel it more with coffee because of how fast and sudden the caffeine is delivered. Thus, more people drink coffee because they want that energy drink type of awake.

I learned that not sleeping can either make you snack WAY too much, or not eat anything at all all day. It depends on the person, the night, how tired you feel.

I learned that people use the term insomnia for one simple night of not being able to fall asleep, and I learned how to bite my tongue so as to not explain to them that insomnia is not one night of the inability to fall asleep and stay asleep. It is multiple. It is so many nights that you don't remember the last time you didn't feel the fatigue in your bones. It is so many nights that the night before is a test. You have to decide whether sleeping a full night so as to be in a better condition for the test means having to drug yourself to sleep because you don't know if you will be able to sleep without it.

People look at you funny when you explain that to them. Many don't understand NOT being able to fall asleep, NOT being able to stay asleep. At least not regularly. Everyone has those nights, but that is every night for someone like me.

And I'm not saying that every single insomniac suffers like I do. Not every single insomniac has the same experience. Some have the ability to fall asleep, yet wake up countless times every night. Some struggle for hours to fall asleep, then when they do, they sleep like the dead. Some suffer from night terrors that keep them awake at night. Some suffer differently than others.

I am an insomniac, and this is only one part of what it means to be such.