The Q1 Identity Crisis

I can’t think of anyone I know who hasn’t found their 20s to be a tumultuous tidraid of decisions that have ultimately left them feeling uncertain or unfulfilled by the direction their life is taking. This isn’t a feeling that is unceasing throughout the whole decade, there are other jubilant times when everything seems on track, chances taken turn into promising opportunities and friendships and relationships blossom.

Nevertheless it can also be a period of time when reality seems to hit home with obstreperous severity, there’s a jolt of realisation that things just aren’t turning out how you thought they would and suddenly you feel lost, unsure if this is really who you are or where you want to be.

Even more disturbing are the days, weeks, or even years where everything becomes too much and life feels as though it is threatening to overwhelm you. Insidious and unnoticed at first, a creeping sadness seems to draw in upon you like unwelcome curls of smoke, seeping in and settling to the ground in a dangerous smog, weighing you down until you feel that you cannot stand tall enough to breath in the clear air above.

For many of us, our earlier years were following a clear direction as we set off on what we expect to be a very promising trajectory. There was school everyday, weekend jobs, college and university, and for many of us a home where most things were taken care of without our knowledge, we probably didn’t give a second thought as to how much was owed in council tax, and the majority of the time the fridge seemed to happily go about filling itself.

At that time there might have been an idle dream, maybe even a few, unclear in detail but some kind of ambition to be successful in whatever way rang true. The uncertainty and indecisive bafflement following those years of prescribed direction can leave one in a desperate panic and with an unsettling sense of loss. A loss of that direction, a loss of that certainty and a loss of confidence in our own abilities.

The choice of career inexorably linked with a decision on where to live, to stay near our longstanding homes or to travel far and wide, is perhaps the biggest pitfall of our 20s. It’s hard to find a person in their the later years of that decade who are really happy with their career or confident in the direction it is taking. It might be that we never got the qualifications or experience required to do the job we would have really loved to do or perhaps, just as challenging, we did get the dream job but it’s turned out to be a bloody hard slog.

On top of that there is just life; break-ups, bereavements, and mental and physical health obstacles that need to be overcome. All these things are just a part of life but what a discovery to know that there isn’t an end to identity crises and despair when you reach the end of teenage angst—it’s all still there waiting to happen to us whenever times get tough.

The result of all of this means that you get towards the end of your 20s feeling worn down and wrung out by the whole experience and utterly bemused by the realisation that you are now very much an adult, whatever you may have to say about it.

However this is where we end on a much more positive note because that’s just it; your 20s have happened, a whole decade and you have done and achieved a great deal almost without realising. Distracted by its fast pace and all of the ups and downs it feels as though it’s passed you by but it hasn’t; it’s happened to you.

If you take out a piece of paper now and begin to list all the things you’ve seen and accomplished, the jobs you’ve had, the places you have been and the people you have met, it’s probably going to end up looking like a pretty long and impressive list filled with rewarding experiences and well deserved accolades.

There may be memories there that you reflect on a little sadly but there’s also probably a lot there to make you smile. You may not have the job of your dreams but if not you are likely to have had a lot of different jobs that offered you a new perspective, and the opportunity to meet new people, and the likelihood is that however childish you may feel inside you’ve probably made a lot of very adult decisions in that time, all without any repercussions on the amount of fun you are capable of having. It’s a list to be proud of.

So perhaps turning 30 isn’t something to be afraid of, more rather an exciting opportunity to start compiling a new list… now where’s my pen?

[I should note I haven’t actually turned 30 yet, and whatever I may say here, cannot guarantee there won’t be a whole series of posts documenting my fear and hysteria as the date grows near... this is the kind of time where taking your own advice is probably really a very good idea.]