The Insanity of My Sanity P.2
My earliest memory of them.
I think if I recall my age correctly, my first recollection of them would be when I was around maybe 5 or 6. Playing in the back garden running from the sandpit to the strawberry plants, maybe 5 and a half yards at a push. Bare in mind, to my childhood mind it felt like a racetrack and indeed sticking to the appropriate game for such a distance, I was racing with the manifestation of Sen.
Always being ever present in my mind where I can hear them is one thing, but they were and have never always been physically present, however, when they were we would often play together. To you or anyone else you won't be able to see, hear or feel them yet to me, their touch is as real as mine or yours. Hence, why for so long they never seemed like they were anything but as real as anyone else was to me.
Rushing back and forth with Sen I found myself having fun, it was summer and if memory serves the weather was gorgeous, that perfect mix of sun and breeze. I adored playing in the garden when I was younger, now I prefer a walk in the woods. Sen was my age, she's always been that age though and she's never gotten past 6, still a child and I pray she always will be. Of them all, Sen is the kindest, albeit she can throw a tantrum and make my head pound like nothing else, she is still sweet and full of childhood innocence.
Luka sat on the patio watching with a cruel cynical glint in her eyes, I tried my best to ignore her harsh words and snide comments. I can scarcely think of a time that there hasn't been a nasty snide tint to her comments. Luka is an abrasive lady to say the least, she is also one of the few who have aged in correlation to myself, though her bad temper and foul attitude towards myself and everyone else has only worsened over the years. A truer witch I have yet to find!
Back in the days of my youth, the innocence of my childhood when I could pick up on the toxicity of my household yet not fully comprehend it and therefore easily brush it off without so much as a backward glance. Often I would spend hours playing with Sen or talking with her, usually Luka would be around to cast her cruel words at me but back then I would run away from her to play with Sen elsewhere though she always followed. As I would grow older I would meet Renne a cynical cold-hearted she-devil with little to no faith in humanity yet she seemed to possess a slightly sweeter disposition towards myself and oddly enough my sister.
As I would begin to develop Depression and to begin suffering from Anxiety along would come Mika. For years I considered her to be the bane of my existence, she wanted only my hurt and destruction. A lot of my attempts and self-harm came from a wish to shut her up and by giving into her demands she would cease for short periods. Yet, in my later teens, I would come to meet the worst of all of them, Tom.
He came a few years ago, cliched though it was, in the middle of the night after I'd awoken from another nightmare. He terrifies me and often finds pleasure in standing in my way, I can't walk past him, it takes me ages to do so. He's an infuriating monstrosity yet I truly am terrified of him, as the rest also are. Often he makes me feel the worst and I find myself incapable of fighting against him.
It is at these times I am thankful for my family and friends being so understanding as they help to keep me occupied and to alleviate my fears by staying with me even if they have no idea of what is scaring me. I suppose from my earliest memory to now, it has darkened and gotten worse within my head yet, even now, Sen remains the same and somehow her childish innocence has infected me and reminds me of the positivity that can be found. It is this that has caused me to I suppose in a way to love my voices, well apart from Tom yet I know I have to put up with him.
Well it went from explaining my earliest memory to explaining them all ... I hope it wasn't too dry for anyone reading.