Surender Vs The Hustle

I've been told that good things come to those who hustle while they wait, and for a long time I have taken this at face value and tried to live by it. Now at 42 years of age (the number that is the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe and everything according to the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy), I find myself completely burnt out and out of alignment with the things that I truly value, and I have to question if the hustle is all its cracked up to be. I am exhausted, unsatisfied and to be honest dispite a lot of conscious effort very little has ever really worked out as I would have hoped. I've become extremely good at looking for lessons and silver linings and practically have a doctorate in trying to be better, but in all honesty the journey has been long and arduous and finding the joy in it has often been a massive freaking effort.

To be clear I haven't just read The Secret and suddenly believe that the perfect life comes from just sitting around dreaming about it. I am actually reflecting on the times in my life when things have gone well for me as well as when things have taken a not so great detour, to try to figure out where the hustle and surrender fit into these outcomes.

According to the Oxford Dictionary the definition of the word hustle isn't exactly a reference to virtuous activity.

Hustle /ˈhʌs(ə)l/

verb

1. push roughly; jostle.

2. obtain illicitly or by forceful action.

3. engage in prostitution.

noun

1. a state of great activity.

Opposite: peace

2. a fraud or swindle.

However, when we think of the word hustle these days we tend to associate it with the idea of the scrappy underdog changing their fortune, working harder than eveyone else to achieve the incredible by any means neccessary. Someone taking control of their life and choosing success. Someone tough, strong, determined, successful, a winner, a champion.

Surrender on the other hand by definition tends to be associated with defeat, giving up, losing, weakness, hopelessness, lack of commitment and failure.

surrender/səˈrɛndə/

verb

1.stop resisting to an enemy or opponent and submit to their authority.

2.give up or hand over (a person, right, or possession), typically on compulsion or demand.

noun

1.the action of surrendering to an opponent or powerful influence.

2.the action of surrendering a lease or life insurance policy.

But just as the definition of the word hustle seems to be evolving so too does the definition of the word surrender. We are seeing it refer more to ideas of letting go, ease, self care, love, peace, receiving, relaxation, enjoyment and happiness.

As I reflect on the past 42 years I realise that, on honest appraisal when things have gone well I was clear on what I wanted but wasn't really doing anything stressful to achieve it, I was just living my life, doing the best I could where I was and when opportunity or inspiration just kind of hit me and I stepped up to the plate. Decisions were easy, I just kind of knew this was what I was meant to do and knew it would work out. The risks weren't scary they were exciting and I didn't agonise over whether I was doing the right thing. On the flip side, when things didn't work out the way I had hoped (and I have quite a lot of reference material to reflect on for this) the situations seem to have involved a lot more effort, impatience, stress, force and my actions were driven by fear. Fear of failing, missing out, not being enough, judgement, not being able to pay the bills, not meeting expectations, not getting what I want...and the list goes on.

Surrender can be a LOT harder than it seems, especially when you are very out of practice. Surrender requires faith, trust and gratitude for what you already have or where you already are, and in a culture that promotes instant gratification, want more, work harder and fight for what you want, these requirements can seem a bit unatural. Surrender requires patience, slowing down and living mindfully so that you can see the opportunities or hear the inspiration, and actually enjoy the life you have. Again, not quite in alignment with our fastpaced, be busy, do more, get more culture. Surrender also requires courage, courage to not do what everyone else is doing, to choose your own path and believe wholeheartedly in it even when everyone else thinks you're crazy and don't understand you, which can feel a bit lonely.

But while it may be challenging to let go of old conditioning and try a new approach, there is something very appealing about the thought of enjoying a more peaceful life, of sleeping well, spending time with the people we love, feeling well, and having more capacity to contribute positively to society.

Now it is possible that I have just been hustling wrong and that for everyone one else it truly brings joy, happiness and great personal reward, but the more I speak with other people and read biographies, the more I doubt this. In a society where you need a double income just to own a family home, where we spend less time with our kids, where drinking coffee to wake up and alcohol to relax and cope with stress is encouraged, and mental health disturbances are more common than a cold, maybe the hustle isn't actually making our lives better. Maybe its time to raise the white flag surrender to a little peace.