Stress and Christmas

The season is well and truly upon us! In the infinite wisdom of Austin Powers it’s “not a good time to lose one’s head” That said, don’t be hard on yourself if you do, metaphorically speaking. The truth is, most of us crack it from time to time but there can be ways to keep our cool when the heat is on. At the end of the year, people are often exhausted; sometimes a tad more sensitive than usual. Often, I find myself needing a Christmas holiday to get over my Christmas holiday, so I decided to share some tips I’ve learnt over the years – take what you need and leave the rest, the main idea is to preserve the sanity of yourself and those you love during the pandemonium that often ensues this time of year. Oh yes, and maybe even enjoy yourself a bit too!

1. Avoid social burnout

“Let’s catch up for a Christmas drink” and variations of that sentence uttered by friends and even acquaintances are rife this time of year. Whilst the sentiment is generally lovely and well intentioned, chances are both your calendars are much fuller than you realise, and the sentence just fell out of their mouth. Put them off til January or even February when things slow down; unless it’s someone you genuinely want to see before the holidays, there’s a good chance you’ll all the around for a hug and a yarn next year. ALL of the Christmas parties? It’s perfectly okay to politely decline or alternatively call in for half an hour then take your leave, as Rhonda from work has her party on tonight too – and yes, it’s fine if there is no actual Rhonda and you plan to go home and watch the Simpsons marathon.

2. People Pleasing

To put things bluntly, f#%k that! There’s a very fine line between being a good person and blatant people pleasing and co-dependency. Tis’ the season to be kind and think of others however, keep your boundaries (or ask for Santa for some) because as most of us get to know with time, people pleasing actually isn’t about pleasing the other person(s) – its about us being fearful of what they will think of us, which is totally out of our control anyway. When we do stuff frequently just to please others at our own (and sometimes our partner or families) expense, we get resentful and sometimes overwhelmed. If Aunty Beryl wants your large family to stay with her in her un-air-conditioned, studio apartment in the boonies, it is 100% okay for you to invite Aunty B to your house on the grounds of practicality instead. FYI, Ol’ B may need you to make up the sofa bed after her third sherry but at least you’ll be in the air-con while you do it.

3. Gifting

Have the gift conversation with your people in advance. Are we just getting gifts for the kids, nieces and nephews? Is it a Secret Santa situation? Or is it on for young and old? If you know in advance you can budget accordingly and ultimately avoid any awkwardness. Are you really bloody broke or in debt? If you can, swallow your pride and try having a conversation up front with those you’d normally buy a present for – is there something they need help with? Can you offer them the gift of your time and skill? Give them some free guitar lessons, help them write a bangin’ resume or paint their fence – a gift doesn’t have to be purchased. If that approach doesn’t sit right with you, jump on YouTube and find millions of DIY tutorials and make everyone something. One year, I literally went to a wholesale place and brought a pile of Epsom salts, which I mixed with essential oils and made everyone a cute jar of bath salts with a hand painted card… they all still talk to me and invite me to Christmas stuff.

4. Ask for help

You hosting the do’ this year? Assign and delegate with love. Write up a list of what you’re planning on serving at the thing and match up things to bring with appropriate guests. For instance: your brother and his groovy new girlfriend live near the fish markets, they can bring the prawns. Uncle Barry is a pisshead, put him in charge of the beer, Cousin Sage is a vegan – she’s on salads, you get the vibe. If you’re not hosting, call your host and how you can help them. A good mate of mine (in her first trimester of pregnancy) once ended up with 8 varieties of cooked meat on a 40 degree day #morningsickness.

5. Don’t be that relative

Do any of the following questions sound familiar? “How’d the HSC go? Got your results? Did you get in to Uni?” “Now, how are you STILL single?” “Are you pregnant?” “When are you two going to have a baby?” Whilst probably all well meaning, these questions can fall into the category of: “Better to allow the person who’s life it concerns bring it up first.” The truth us, these subjects can be a source of pain and anxiety for a lot of people. Not to go to new age on ya’ll but each of these questions kind of infer that a person’s worth is contingent on something outside of them. These questions are often the one’s people spend the build up to Christmas dreading. The holidays can be a really shite time for mental health, in fact, the person you ask these questions to could be months into rounds of failed IVF; they could be very happily single by choice OR it could just be none of gosh-darned business. Try a new approach like: “What was the funniest thing that happened to you this year?” or “What have you’ve learnt about yourself this year?”

6. Running away from that relative

If it’s not appropriate to politely school that relative on why their line of questioning sucks, my favourite strategies are simple versions of the following; “Excuse me Helen – Just need the loo! Be back soon” – “Oh, Sorry Nan, I’ll just check on those prawns” – “Hold that thought Unky Kev; I’ve left the car lights on…” generally by the time you come back, they’ll have moved on to the next person. In day-to-day life, I tend to be less avoidant than this however, there’s a time and a place and Christmas day usually isn’t it.

6. Check yo’self

The basics. Avoid the H.A.L.T’s, don’t let yourself get too: Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. Take your vitamins, drink your water and squish in some mindfulness if that’s your bag. Another thing, if you’re a bit of a handful on the booze – try and reign it in if you’re ask risk of saying or doing something you might regret. It’s never fun being the one that defiles Christmas.

7. Be of service

This works on many levels. Being of service e.g. One could go and volunteer at their local hospital or homeless shelter during the festive season, or closer to home, helping cook, clean, pass food around or entertaining the kiddlies is an awesome thing to do, it’s also a really lovely way of distracting yourself from any internal anxiety you might be feeling. There’s no need to be a martyr and help all day long, but it’s a nice way to create a bit of space for yourself when you are feeling overwhelmed (just quietly; it’s also a good tactic for dodging Cousin Sharon’s views on climate change and immigration).

Wishing all a happy, low stress holiday season. If you or someone you love is struggling at the moment, there is help available:

Lifeline Australia: 13 11 14

Beyond Blue: 1300 224 636

Kids Helpline: 1800 551 80

Emergency: 000

Confidential Helpline: 1800 737 732

Mensline: 1300 78 99 78

Relationships Australia: 1300 364 277

Alcoholics Anonymous 1300 222 222