(Post) World Mental Health Day: Learning to Balance All the Things

I love my job. I take pride in my work. I enjoy being a mom. But recently, I’ve had to face a hard truth—if I let my “professional life” or my “mom life” define all of who I am, I’m going to end up a burnt-out, overly-caffeinated, blubbery mess. And let’s be real, it’s a delicate balancing act for anyone, but add in some traditional Filipino/Asian upbringing, and mental health wasn’t exactly a hot topic at the dinner table growing up.

Growing up in a Filipino household, we don’t naturally talk about mental health. The family has got other priorities, like putting food on the table, getting good grades, making sure the Auntie knows the kid is reading at 3rd-grade level even though he’s still learning to walk. The parents’ idea of dealing with stress was either eating more rice or reminding us to do better next time. The message was clear: mental health wasn’t something we needed to think about. Survival and success were what mattered.

But Then Came Motherhood… and a Mental Load the Size of Asia

Becoming a mom changed everything. Suddenly, I wasn’t just worrying about work deadlines or measuring success by professional milestones. I was also, since 20 months ago, responsible for making sure a tiny human stayed alive and grew into a decent person. Plus, I needed to ensure that the house didn’t burn down because I forgot to switch off the iron... again. Add on the invisible mental load of motherhood—keeping track of playdates and house schedules, managing the household, and remembering to not overfeed myself i.e. stress eating—and the added responsibility of ensuring everything is provided for since becoming the family’s breadwinner, and let’s just say, “balance” felt like a far-off dream.

The Wake-Up Call: You Can’t Be a Yes Man (or a Yes Mom)

In my pre-mom life, I used to think saying yes to everything was a strength. I was the classic eager beaver: “Sure, I’ll take on that extra project,” “No problem, I’ll stay late,” “I’ll help you even though I have zero energy left!” But post-baby, I quickly realized that saying yes to everyone was a fast track to mental exhaustion. It turns out that constantly working, whether in the office or at home, isn’t a healthy life strategy (shocker, I know).

Now, I’m consciously setting boundaries. Do I nail it every day? Not even close. But I’m learning to say “no” more often and give myself permission to rest without feeling guilty. Because newsflash: mental health is essential, not a luxury. And let’s face it, nobody wants a mom (or a co-worker) who’s on the verge of a meltdown because she hasn’t slept properly in three days.

Breaking Generational Habits (And Not Just Eating More Rice)

It’s not easy to shift from the mindset I grew up with—where mental health wasn’t exactly a thing—to one where I actively make time for it. I still love my job, I still love being a mom, but I now I consciously make an effort to “love myself” enough to remind myself that burning out does not make me more successful. It just makes me tired and grumpy.

So, here’s what I’m trying to remind myself: I’m not just “Joyce the Marketing Lady or “Joyce the Mum.” I am trying to find that Joyce outside of motherhood and—a person who deserves time and care, too. (A person who likes binging on “light” books, whipping something in the kitchen, and revenge bedtime procrastination).

Mental Health in Our Culture: Let’s Talk About It

In the Philippines, perhaps the Asian culture in general, mental health isn’t usually the first thing we focus on—because, traditionally, there are “bigger” problems to solve. Like getting an education, feeding the family, or making sure we become the “success stories” our parents dreamed of. But times are changing, and I think it’s time we start making mental health a priority, too. It’s not something to push aside while we try to achieve everything else. In fact, taking care of our mental health is the key to achieving everything else without burning out.

Ongoing, Not Perfect

Balancing work, parenthood, and mental health is a process—an ongoing one. I’m still learning to let go of the pressure to be “everything”, where I try to do too much and end up paying for it with exhaustion and stress. But I’m learning to take breaks, set boundaries, and saying no; learning to understand that by doing so does not make me less of a person. It makes me better for my family, my work, and most importantly, for myself.

So, to my fellow moms, professionals, and anyone trying to “do it all”—it’s okay to pause, breathe, and make time for yourself. You deserve it. And remember, you are more than the roles you play. That’s something we all need to celebrate.

#WorldMentalHealthDay #MentalHealthMatters #AsianCultureAndMentalHealth #MomLife #WorkLifeBalance #YouMatter

To anyone who resonates with this, how do you manage the mental load of juggling work, parenthood, and everything in between? What are some strategies you’ve found helpful in prioritising your mental health? Let’s start a conversation—because the more we share, the more we realize we’re not alone. -JBB