Perfectly Natural

I always tell people I got "the talk" from my parents at 10 years old, by my Dad having me watch American Pie with him.

... It's a half-truth. I mean my parents actually gave me "the talk", on two separate occasions, by trapping me in a car. (Again, not REALLY "trapping" me, just deciding that while we're taking a 30-minute drive and I can't escape, let's just talk about this. Great parenting technique, FYI -- effective, and memorable for your kids.)

But my Dad and I did watch American Pie together when I was 10. This was 2004, so the first three movies were out by then, and I think we watched all three within a few weeks of each other. Since then, I've seen all of the movies ... in fact, my boyfriend and I watched the ninth one (yes, there are NINE now!), Girls' Rules, when it came out a couple months ago.

I am fully aware this isn't the norm of society. How many of you saw my age and thought "That is far too young to be watching those kinds of films!"? You might even believe it gave me the wrong ideas, and that I started doing things way too early. I won't deny that I did SOME things ... but do you want to take a guess at when I lost my virginity?

24. More accurately, two months from my 25th birthday.

I'm not speaking as a parent; I don't have children (and I may never -- I don't know what life has in store for me!). I am speaking as a child of two intelligent parents, a child who grew up in a very loving and open household.

To give you another piece of my story: My Mom used to be a bartender. My Dad had a collection of shot glasses and unique alcohols. I didn't have my first drink until I was 18 (and it was legal, because we were in another province of Canada where that's the legal age!). Pretty sure most teenagers would've sneak at least a SIP at some point in their youth, with that much alcohol just out in the open. I have maybe one drink a year, if that, and I've never been drunk.

Back to sex though: I had friends growing up whose version of "the talk" was DON'T DO IT ... that's it, that's all they got. No information about making sure you're comfortable with the person, no information on risks and preventative measures ... just DON'T.

I'm not sure if their parents have ever heard of the term 'reverse psychology', but personally when someone tells me to do something (or not do something) I do the opposite of whatever they want or don't want me to do. So, having parents who gave me information about sex and alcohol at an early age -- and even supported me in trying some alcohol, IF I wanted, as long as they were present (which I didn't want to) -- I feel really did play a role in how I approached things. They took away the stigma and taboo feelings around everything.

By watching American Pie, my Dad was basically Eugene Levy, showing me that sex is perfectly natural. Introducing me to films like this taught me things that, even if my parents had just TOLD me, might not have registered in the same way. For example, Kevin and Vicky's relationship, Kevin learns that there needs to be some GIVING as well as taking. I'm a woman, and I think I would've been much more like Vicky -- just give give give, not knowing I should expect anything in return. (This is important information!)

It's also why I love the show Big Mouth. The most educational show I've ever watched, and I wrote a whole paper on it in university a couple years ago because I believe in the quality of it so much! (Although, it's not entirely without its flaws, but hey, so is American Pie.) I started watching the show around the time that I became more sexually active, and one episode in particular ("The Planned Parenthood Show") actually gave me the courage to talk to a doctor about birth control pills.

The messages of these two media are pretty much the same: Sex should not be a taboo topic. If you're a parent who's not comfortable talking about these kinds of things, find something like American Pie or Big Mouth that can help you get the conversation started (don't rely on them completely!). Even if you just watch these yourself, and take note of the way Eugene Levy handles "the talk" in American Pie, or the misconceptions the kids have in Big Mouth about certain STDs. Education is key!