MIRROR, MIRROR

Every morning, the same routine. Pee, wash hands, wash face, brush teeth, shower, and get dressed. Typically three days a week, I’m dressing to work out. Three days a week, I’m putting on my walking shoes. At least one day each week, I'm dressing to just simply sit with a book or a notebook and feel guilty for not walking or working out!

But all seven days, I look in the mirror and cannot believe the face staring back at me isn’t 38. Why 38? Because that is when I finally got comfortable in my skin and felt that I looked my best. I had put on a few pounds and filled out a bit. I know that is not a problem women usually have, but it was an issue for me. I was underweight most of my life! At 38, I felt good and grown. It was the beginning of what I call my long-overdue "confident years." Those years lasted until I was hitting 50 with a stick. Coincidently, it lasted about as long as my period. I wondered if there was a psychological connection, but more on that later!

It wasn’t as if men never paid any attention to me, but I had never given it much thought until it stopped. It wasn’t like I was walking around thinking I was the shit. I chalked that attention up to, “He has a penis. I have a vagina!” I never believed it was because I was the hottest thing on two legs. Looking back that woman was a little bit hot!

So, uh, excuse me mirror, but you want to tell me what you did with her? It’s not fair. I still feel 35! Ok, not 35, but not a day over 40! I know I should count my blessings that I still feel young and that I'm still alive! But it’s not like I wasn’t an active participant. I have always exercised and have maintained fairly good diet for most of my adult life. Having an interest in food and health that eventually lead me to culinary school, was a benefit. Everything still works and works pretty well! I feel safe saying that this is a result of the fact that I never stopped taking care of and using my body. All of it!

Of course, there were a few brief periods where I was inconsistent, but for the most part, I kept it moving! The mirror, however, tells a different story and that is the challenge! What I see doesn’t feel like who I am. The reflection doesn’t seem to “represent.”

I mean, who the hell is this hound dog head, loose and crepy skinned, saggy-boobed, crinkly thighed woman in my mirror? Where did my oval face go? Why are there corners now?

In all honestly, the boobs sagged in my 20’s as a result of breastfeeding and bad bras. As for the rest of this display, I have no idea who this is? Or, why I am having such a hard time accepting her and acknowledging that this person in the mirror is in fact, me!

I attended the birthday party for my aunt who had turned 100 years young as she reminded us at the party, "100 years, plus 8 days," since her actual birthday was a week earlier. I saw many of the beautiful women in my family aging right along with me.

The highlight of the event SHOULD have been that my aunt was a centurion and not just a centurion, a good looking, sharp as a tack, wrinkle-less and in pretty good shape, centurion! Instead, it was being asked where I got my face done. How’s that for a compliment? And, I have to admit I needed it, although it took me a minute to realize that it was indeed a compliment.

My cousin had assumed I had work done because she said, “You look great!” If only I saw myself the way she and others saw me. Instead, I now spend 30 minutes each morning applying concealer that until recently I had never purchased. Filling in cracks and dents. I rarely, if ever, wore foundation. I threw out many almost-full bottles because they were old. Purchases for some special occasion where I would actually wear a full face of make up.

I wore eyeliner and lip gloss and that was about it. Maybe lipstick, but very subtle and natural colors. Makeup always felt like a lie to me. Concealer? The name speaks for itself. Enhancing is one thing, but now I’m concealing! I lost hours and days each year, concealing my age. From coloring in the part in my hair to conceal gray to coloring in my face!

Seriously, my former make-up routine took less than a minute! Eyeliner. Lipgloss. Bam! Out the door! Now suddenly I’m spending 182.5 hours a year concealing! That’s 7.6 days each year. I could go on vacation with the amount of time that I spend “concealing” my age and trying to look and feel better about my aging face. (and body)

I responded to her that I worked out and walked daily, to which she replied, “That works for your body, but does nothing for your face!” For a moment, I thought, well she has a point. Later that night I thought to myself, well I know that exercising reduces stress and stress can affect your whole body, including your face. I decided, however, to do some additional research. Could exercise be directly affecting my face?

Well, turns out it can. Exercise strengthens the heart muscle and improves blood supply to the whole body. It can also reverse or stall aging effects on the brain and help manage hormonal fluctuation in women. And, in case you don’t know anything about hormones, other than when you get older doctors want you to replace them, (because they serve a purpose!) Aunt Esther (Aunt Esther is what I call estrogen) can wreak havoc on your entire body, including your face when she goes MIA or out of balance on you.

That said, based on my research thus far, it appears that my dear cousin was wrong. Exercise does do something for your face. Exercise does something for your entire being, including your mind!

A sedentary lifestyle ranks high on the list of causes of premature death! So, why are you still sitting there? Get up and move. Okay, finish reading and then get up and move! Your body, your mind, and your face with thank you.

I spent some time in the mirror the next day as I do most days now. The mirror tells me the truth, whether I want to hear it or not, and then I lie to the world! (Insert big-eyed emoji here!) It shows me my 58 years old face when I’m looking for one 20 years younger. The mirror is showing me who I am as I stand before it, concealing. Truth told, my 30 and 40-year-old face said I would never have any work done, but that face is gone and my 58-year-old face is on the fence now.

For now, I will keep on exercising and work on that whole acceptance thing. I have also chosen to experiment with a natural skincare regimen in hopes that at the very least, I can stall the effects of aging. I discovered a wonderful book full of anti-aging natural treatments that I share in my blog, www.myblackisnotcracking.com.

And lastly, keep in mind your skin is your body's largest organ. What you feed your aging face matters! More on that to come.

In the meantime, I better get to my concealing and get moving!