Migraine: The Silent Suffering

The first time I realized I was sick and in pain was in 1957. I was 2 years old, sitting on a piano stool getting my photo taken, wearing a grey Russell Sage College sweatshirt and corduroy pants with cuffed legs that had a checkered print on the cuffs. My brain was buzzing with keen observations and excruciating pain behind my left eye. Nausea welled up inside me. I was dying to be anywhere but on that stool. I think my mind recorded every sight, sound and smell in that room. The window, the curtains, the light was so bright coming through the window and shining in my face. I was sick and I knew it. This was my first memory of a long journey of chronic pain and suffering beyond what anyone should have to bear or deserves.

Chronic migraines steal your life away. They destroy your dreams and relationships. A migraine is an evil malady. Fast forward. I am now 64 years old and still suffering from chronic migraines. Migraines are chronic when they occur more than 15 times per month. Imagine losing 15 to 20 days every month of your entire life. Not only do you lose the migraine days, but days to follow due to the drain it takes on your body. This is the beginning of a journey through the years of not knowing what a migraine was, not knowing how it biologically works, what other things it does to a person, what medications are there, what works, what triggers, what the medication does to you.

These things unfolded slowly over the years, and only within the last 2 years of my life has it come to light just what a migraine is. It is a brain disorder, a disease... it is not a headache. It is a completely different brain makeup from the ordinary brain. There is still so much more to be learned and discovered, but finally things are making sense. If only I had known all those years ago, I may have been able to let others know what was happening beyond my control. Living with a stigma, a shame and guilt for no reason along with the crushing pain and sickness yet appearing to be just fine. A masked ailment and hidden by the sufferer for fear of being labeled lame and unsuitable. We sufferers are overachievers and overcompensating to make up for our lost time and energy. OCD becomes a part of your life, and anxiety and depression are all a part of this disease.