Masculinity and Male Suicides

Suicide is the single biggest killer of men under the age of 45 in the UK.

That introduction was my shortest ever, but it really needed to be for such a shockingly large statistic. When I first read it, i was sceptical. Surely that didn't account for all death types? Maybe it combined both genders? Maybe it wasn't limited by age after all? No, it was true, and in 2014 76% of all suicides in the UK were by men.

So what's causing such a sharp rise in male suicides, and more importantly, why don't we know about it? How come the statistics like those above are so rare that they're shocking, and that we only hear about male suicides when a celebrity sadly ends their own life?

Masculinity

As pointed to in the title, the idea of masculinity, or at least conventional masculinity has helped push male suicides to a record high. Through demands and expectations driven through societal norms and instilled values from a young age, men are systematically prepared to fail in life through inability to conform wholly to an absolutely unachievable image.

The chiseled, toned body with hard-ass abs and a cutting jawline, an intellect that remains unparalleled and suits whisky by fireplaces at night, the weight lifting and deep voice, the latest fashion and ability to play sports. The requirement to last ages in bed and have a big dick, to be a tough guy but have the right amount of emotion, but not too much because you don't want to be called a pussy. All notions expected of men through one way or another, instilled from an incredibly young age. These are what set men up to failure; a long list of expectations with little-to-no real life purpose or reasoning other than to try to enforce a generalized masculine view that may have been present post WWII, but certainly isn't any more. Critics argue this is because we've separated from conventional conformity and towards progressivism, an awesome move in my eyes, yet a move without its scars in the form of male casualties.

The view of masculinity is really harsh today, coming from a young male. As with most positions in society, we're driven by the acceptance and validation of our peers, and failing to conform to masculine norms can really fracture this. If a male is gay, they are negatively brandished as such, and as a result, their masculinity in a societal viewpoint is removed. If a male cries, they are deemed too wimpy to be a man, and like above, their masculinity stripped from them. If a male refuses to enjoy sports, fighting or any other form of contact physicality, they too are humiliated for this, and once again, their masculinity stripped for no real reason other than status.

The Media

The media can be terrible for this, but through pushing unachievable masculinized goals for men, it can push the line towards self-depreciation and ultimately suicide. This is the case for many, who often cite some level of self-consciousness and self hatred based on comparisons to popular media portrayals of men, namely 'reality' shows like Geordie Shore which idolises masculine conformity; the target audience of these shows, which is often openly specifically aimed towards young men, are shown that sexual promiscuity, sexual dominance, physical dominance and aggression and even alcoholism are all desirable and normalised traits for any man, and as thus are expected under masculine conformity. Failure to do so can lead to being outcast from certain social groups or even being publicly ridiculed, for example, many young boys are ridiculed on social media over their penis size or amount of time lasted during sexual intercourse, even though most of the time, these two factors fall within 'average' societal bounds.

Other things that the media thrusts onto men often includes the valuation of patriarchal values, being the expectation that men should dominate women (often sexually, but can also be motivated through the work-life/ financial gains) and also establishing defined gender roles through who is shown on the media; females accounting heavily for porn channels, whilst males largely occupying 'office type' roles like The Apprentice, Dragon's Den and many more. Men are expected to hold dominant, powerful leadership roles overlooking large swathes of money and manpower. CEO roles, and most high paying prolific roles such as Judges and journalists are occupied by men. Men are also expected to succeed financially beyond average, and yet again, sets them up for failure - a large contributing force towards the rising figures of male suicide.

Men's Mental Health

Largely fueled by the factors outlined above, men's mental health is often either overlooked as being too sensitive or "too wimpy", or merely avoided completely. For starters, the labelling men receive for their portrayal of emotions or mental well-being is frankly grotesque, degrading them based on a completely normalised human emotion because it does not fit a single gendered expectation of 'toughness'. If such emotions are shown, the man is belittled, degraded and humiliated for a bunch of different "reasons", from simply being a "pussy" to "not manning up", the latter of which is an incredibly destructive thing to tell a really young boy, as this normalises masculine norms and sets them up for a lifetime of unachievable attempts at fulfilling this masculinity.

Lastly, men are simply ashamed of asking for help, just because of all the points above; because they're told that they have to "man up", that they're just being "too pussy" or "too wimpy", that they're not a "real man" or that their masculinity is questioned. Their completely legitimate mental health concerns are being suppressed under societal conventions that hold no real purposes in today's society, and that their concerns are nothing to worry about.

They are everything to worry about, though, as seen in the statistics earlier. We should urge every man, from any age, to be transparent about their feelings, and encourage a safe environment to do so away from the jeers and calls for masculinity and away from the other destructive values of society. All men should feel safe, comfortable and happy within who they are, and this can be incredibly simply achieved through simply watching what we say - instead of the "man up" comment, change your words to something less gender orientated. Instead of calling them a "pussy" or a "girl", change your insult to a more generic one like "dick" or "wanker" as us Brits say - you don't need to completely change your outlook and interactions, just be mindful of the deeper impact simple words can have. Through acting together, we can help to reduce these saddening numbers of male victims of suicide. I hope that one day within my lifetime, male suicide will be fully and reasonably recognised and acknowledged.