Love Yourself First

“I am sorry, but you got one years to live.” Said the doctor with a gloomy look on his face.

“I see… one years to live; that is a short amount of time.” Tears rolling down my face knowing that I am on death door.

“There always medical science that can help you out. I can give you some tablets if you need. But, Please, if you need help, let me know” Reassured the doctor as he puts his hand on my shoulder.

One years to live? That seems like a long time, but yet at the same time short. Knowing how long I have to live is quite scary. I hope I can live the life that my mum always wanted me. Which is to be happy. This is such a bore knowing that I will die. Did the world just become bleak? I know hospitals are pretty dull and dark, but this one is even darker; the fluorescent lights have seemed to have gotten dull. The cream colour of the wall has gotten. The world has just gotten so dark and dull God, I wish I had a better body like James the stupid oaf in high school? James was tall, built, had nice long black hair, pale white skin, and piercing blue eyes. A typical quiet emo boy like Sasuke from Naruto. I am nothing compared to him. I am just bland like your typical side character, and now I am going to die in one years’ time. Life really wants to hurt me, doesn’t it? If I am going to die, then I go out on my own terms; this is my life! I own my life!

“I am Peter, and I own my life,” I screamed.

The nurses and doctors look at me like I am weird, but who cares? I want to live this life my way. I should probably head to the bar where all the cool people in movies at crossroads go. I should check out Willies Bar seems like a cool type of place to go to.

The place has a very 60s style American diner vibe to it. Oh, they have Betty Boop figure in the corner that is cool. The smell of burgers and chips hits you in the face, but most importantly, the heart. Let me see where I should sit? Kind of want to sit in the booths as they look comfy; let me go to the one at the very end. These booths feel comfortable to sit on. I see someone has been writing on this table, huh so rude. Let me have a look at what they say……. Love yourself before loving others.

“Hi, are you ready to order?” Said the waitress.

“Hi, I would like a Texan burger with chili chips,” I replied in a polite tone.

“Sure thing,” Said the waitress.

Love yourself? I wonder how do you do that? When I loved someone, I would take them out on a fancy date, wine, and dine them up and make love to them, but how do I love myself? Oh well, maybe the answer will come to me one day. Oh, I see my Texan burger and chili chips coming. I can just smell it in the air, the nice, juicy, thick patty that was seasoned well and the salty, spicy, vingery smell of chili chips coming towards me, making my mouth water so much.

“Here you go, one order of Texan burger and chili chips,” Politely said the waitress.

“Thank you,” I said politely.

I should just dig into the chips or maybe put the chips into the burger that will do it. I am craving a good burger and chips. I feel happy. Wait just a moment; I have an idea how do I put it into words? It just stuck in my head. I got it! I know how I can make the most of my life by being able to love myself. I think I figured how I can love myself. I take myself on a date!

Man, I got a date with this Peter guy; he looks cool and doing well in his job. I wonder where should we go? I think I go to the steak bar. Peter will love that. I feel a little bit bubbly thinking about where I will eat, so excited to go on a date again.

“Hi, I would like to place a booking for two tomorrow night at 7:00 PM could you put a mirror on the second chair” I politely said.

“Mirror….. okay, sure we can do that,” The man said in a confused tone.

Yes, I got a booking so excited now I need to see what I should wear on the date. Let me race home then. Okay, let me open my closet to see what I have; hmmm, I have a white shirt from JC Penny’s. Still, I have a nice black and white polka-dot shirt that looks snazzy and with black, fitted pants that would fit perfectly. What about shoes? hmmm, I do have some new black penny loafers I can wear without socks that would look nice. Would Peter think I look good? Would what he says? I hope he likes it. That burger and chips have put me in a food coma.

Oh, Peter, you so cute you look so good tonight; are you doing anything later tonight you could come back and chill? I feel like we should talk more as I want to know you better, Peter. Wait, what that felt so real? Was I just dreaming about my date and chilling with myself? That was definitely weird, but yet I felt so happy and relax. It is 5 PM I need to take my tablets the doctor gave me. It says take two with water and do not have alcohol for at least three hours or strange things happen. I need to get ready. Let me get my face wet so I can shave off this two-day-old stubble; no one wants to see that. Now I am ready to take a shower. It is finally happening the date. I am all dressed up, looking snazzy. Let me put on some nice cologne that I got from France, very expensive hope Peter would like that.

“Hi, I have a booking for Peter table for two,” Politely I said.

“Oh yes, we got a mirror for you, so come right this way,” The waiter said.

This place looks fancy. I see they took inspiration from Nobu has a very modern theme to it. I quite like the layout. Wait, I see him. I see Peter. He looking fine today, wearing matching outfits; how cute. The universe must be giving us signs.

“Hey Peter,” I said with a smile.

“Hey Peter,” Peter said with a smile.

“I like that shirt you got looks snazzy” I smiled at him.

“ I like that shirt you got as well; looks snazzy,” Peter said with a cute smile.

“Do you want to start off with a wine? Before we go further,” I said .

“Do you want to start off with a wine?” Peter said.

“Merlot?” I said.

“Merlot?” Peter said.

“Hi, can I order one Pepper Tree Black Label Wrattonbully Merlot 2017 for the gentleman” I politely asked.

“Sure thing,” The waiter said.

“I had a look at what you do, and you a research scientist at John Hopkins that sounds fancy,” I said.

“I had a look at what you do, and you a research scientist at John Hopkins that sounds fancy,” Peter said.

“Here is your Merlot,” The waiter said, looking confused.

“Cheers,” I said.

“Cheers,” Peter said.

One big sip I took, and man, I am lightweight, this sure hitting new areas. I might be already tipsy on the date; how light am I?

“I heard you going to die in one years,” Peter said, looking sad.

“Well, that if the doctors find a cure,” I said, trying to remember what the condition was.

“Well, I am always here for you no matter what,” Peter said with a cute smile.

“Thank you! I needed to hear that,” I said with a smile.

“Of course, that is what I am here for to make you happy” Peter smiled as he tried to touch my hand.

“I know you trying to make me love myself. It just so hard knowing your body has failed you,” I said sombrely.

“So…. Other people have it bad, but you can’t dwell on the past or what your warped view of yourself is you must love yourself so you can be happy,” Peter said, smiling at me as he holds my hand.

“How do I do that? I am trying on this date I really am,” I said.

“I know you trying your best I was there when you picked your outfit out, I was there when you had that dream about me, I was there when you shaved I have always been there for you,” Peter spoke softly with a smile on his face.

“You have been there for me and knowing you there for me gives me the strength to go forward and face what life chucks at me as I can’t go forward without loving my own self” I gave a sombre smile.

“Yes, I am always here for you, Peter as I am you, and you are me, and all I want is for you to be happy and love yourself.” Peter smiled as he lets go.

“Looks like the initial effects of the Melot is wearing off. I won’t be able to talk to you like this, but maybe another time you can speak to me if you have a glass of merlot again” Peter smiled for the last time.

“I want to say that you are the best thing there is Peter, I am the best thing and I have flaws, but also positivise to me” I smiled as I could start to see Peter disappear back into my reflection.

“Are you ready to order? Sir,” The waiter asked.

“I think I might head off now,” I said politely, having handed her my card. I already had a wonderful time.

Thank you, Peter, for opening my eyes and sharing a bottle of Merlot together I cannot go forward in life without loving myself. Thank you for being there for me and watch over me as I go through life doing the things I love. I really do love myself and proud to be called Peter.