Lost and FOUND

At one point the reflection in the mirror was more of me than I of it. A time frame of my life where even sunrays felt grey and blue. How can something that makes things green and grow as tall as me, feel so cold and take all my energy? Over a cup of “sit down and what’s really going on with me,” I decided to get to the root of my tree, my life. I realized the blur lines weren’t going to become clearer when I added more smoke. Inhale, exhale wasn’t numbing medicine anymore. The thoughts weren’t going to improve if I continued to believe the negative ones. The insecurities wouldn’t heal if I consistently put my love in the hands of a stranger. The trust wouldn’t deepen if I kept revealing my pain to people who I loved but didn’t love me.

No more pity parties and unpromising nights that reached bottom barrels in hopes that a “Morning recovery” would do the trick. Time for THE question I believe our spirit yearns for us to ask at some moment in our lives. “Who am I?”  The devil on my right shoulder pulled out his megaphone and insisted he knew me AS IF he created me. He didn’t come like many would believe. He came by polishing up my mistakes and complimenting the things that were hindering me from the Truth. Not wanting to let me go he kept constricting my spirit like the snake that he is until I broke the agreement. “I am NOT yours and you WILL let me go!” The gasp of air my spirit took was no longer thick and polluted with lies and obscurity. If I am not one with evil and the only other side is good, would it accept me after all my bad misuse?

There was a voice only audible through humble submission of my spirit that yearned to answer for me. A knock so loud fell on my soul that shook the hinges off the words I had nailed my door shut with. The roar of a burning fire in the deepest part of my being felt the words “YOU ARE MINE! You are not your mistakes. You are not the lies he tells you nor the ones you tell yourself. You most certainly are worthy of my Love. That is the very means of what you are here for; to accept the love you deserve.”

My identity stemmed from a branch on this tree that came way before me. A branch, on a tree, in a garden that fell to the same snake I did. One, that many fall too unknowingly and steer from the Agape love that chases us down no matter how far or how many layers of labels we attempt to clothe ourselves with. The original love from the original creator who showed us His identity through “The way, The truth and The life”. That sought to hold my hand and show me step by step how to uproot the chaff and separate it from the wheat in my life. The one who gives peace and sits with me in my boat despite all the waves attempting to destroy the spiritual blueprint within in me.

You won’t find me in the dirt others have chosen to throw at me. You won’t find me in the pits of despair my heart wanted to stay in because my spirit learned better will come, but will I? You won’t find me in my mistakes because my life has been seasoned with grace and mercy and I will be tasting the accomplishments. You most certainly won’t find me looking in my rearview mirror because the road of the present and towards the future needs my presence in the paving.

One day we must rise and choose our thoughts, our words, our reactions, true love and what we indulge. We must learn to be intentional in the growth we do, rise when we fall, celebrate in all seasons, understand ourselves before we ask someone else too, get therapy instead of “this is just the way I am”, uproot the harmful things of our childhood and truly analyze our calling in life. We are meant to have identity in our true purpose that reigns in royalty and walks in authority. If we don’t everything will choose us good and/or bad until we are consumed. The leap of faith I have taken has changed my life, my mindset, my eternity, and my identity.

My identity is in the most righteous one that awaits to hold you close.

My identity is on the solid, steadfast, faithful, and most promising foundation.

My identity is in Jesus.