Learning with Autism Spectrum Condition

I always felt weird as a child. I was very shy and didn't interact with many kids my age, yet I felt more comfortable with adults and people who were older than I was; the teachers were more appealing to talk to than the kids. I felt isolated from social settings and social interactions, and I still do to this day. Growing up, I felt different from everyone else, more different than anyone else could have ever imagined or understood.

Then, I discovered music.

When I picked up the violin at the age of 11, I felt more comfortable than I'd ever done. I felt whole and had a sense of purpose in life. I felt strangely happy and content, in a content sort of way.

I picked up the clarinet at the age of 14; how I felt I cannot describe in words, but I am able to say that I felt like I could tackle the world and that nothing could stop me. I just wanted to play, that was it.

However, it came with a few downfalls.

Having not had really many ways of interacting with other people, it felt like it was all I had and that nobody understood my excitement for classical music and that I just wanted to play. Throughout secondary school, It pretty much felt like I was an outcast from society. A little exaggerated, I know, but that comes from overthinking. A lot of overthinking.

Starting my undergraduate degree in 2014 (I graduate in 2018), nothing had changed. I wasn't an outcast, more like I felt extremely lonely and isolated, and I felt like I would never get an answer. Being around very social musicians certainly didn't help that.

Last year, I was advised by my guardian and various friends to appoint myself for an assessment, and as of three months ago to this blog post, a very big sigh of relief washed over my head.

I had been diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Condition.

At long last, I finally had an answer to the questions that have been unanswered since I was very young: Why do I feel different from everyone else? Why do I feel isolated and anxious in social settings? At long last, I have an explanation to those questions.

However, what I didn't realise and what I didn't mentally prepare for was the wave of emotions that were going to hit on an internal level.

I took this diagnosis extremely personally, and still am to a certain extent; why was something not done sooner? I don't know how to deal with this, this is all extremely frightening.

And it's true, it's extremely frightening. Especially receiving the diagnosis as an adult rather than a child. It feels like your whole world has just crashed on you and you can't cope. I have managed to cope just three months after receiving the diagnosis, especially since I'm still learning and in my final year of my degree.

Well, what IS it like learning and processing with the Autism Spectrum Condition? It's difficult, in my case, having had to process something extremely new that I thought I'd never had to go through in my lifetime. Having this diagnosis has made me realise why I take slightly longer in processing information. Too much information causes me to just blank out and not process any form of information whatsoever. It's slightly more difficult to break down my information into digestible chunks, and it takes a lot more mental energy than most people realise.

Learning with something that explains why you do the things you do is extremely helpful. You learn to adapt very quickly to how your unique autism works. Knowing you take slightly longer to learn, you can ask for just that little bit of extra help, such as highlighting important sections, or cutting pieces of information down into even more digestible chunks.

I heard that once you've met one person with autism, you've met one person with autism, and it's completely true. Every single person who has autism is different, like a fingerprint; it is unique to that person and that person alone.

To every person who feels that they are different to everyone else: you are not alone, and I can guarantee that.

Bye for now!