Is Your Body Getting Sick On Purpose?

Lately, I’ve been under a lot of stress. In less than three months I’ve managed to relocate back home; build three nationwide marketing campaigns in different locations across Europe; lose my beloved dog and attend court because of ridiculous reasons.

Life has been keeping me quite busy.

Four years ago I promised my boyfriend that our lives will never be boring. So far I have delivered on my promise. But at what cost?

I am a person of extremes, meaning that I either do everything or nothing. I push myself to the point of exhaustion. My first and only spin class nearly killed me — because I wanted to be the best among them all.

Coronapandemic has slowed life down for many of us, but not for me.

I’ve worked remotely full-time, taught at universities and also written loads. I’ve been the most productive in years.

Now I’ve reached the point of burnout. I felt poorly, mostly overwhelmed, and at times exhausted. I was prone to catching colds.

Recently, I was told that my work performance is simply not good enough — and they are right.

This time though — I don’t care anymore. They want me to go back into the office and I don’t want to. They want me to keep hitting targets while I want to write.

I am unable to leave my stable job because I need the money.

Don’t we all?

At the same time, I am causing instability in my own work because I am more often prone to getting sick and being unable to concentrate. Ironic, right?

I’ve been over 6 years in the marketing industry and I’ve worked loads: late nights, weekends, public holidays — I’ve done it all. I am tired. My body is telling me it's time to get rest.

We all know that stress can kill. Two weeks ago I had a high fever, muscle pain and I wasn’t able to get out of bed and it was all because of the chronic stress that I’ve been experiencing. My doctor advised me to take a long sick leave.

For the first time in the 6 years, I took two weeks off and now I am unable to get back to work as I’ve enjoyed my sick leave too much.

At first, I felt guilty for taking off for so long, I thought: “what if I improve within two days? What will I do with the remaining 10 days?”

I did improve but I also started enjoying this time on my own for myself. My body was telling me for too long that I just should simply learn how to rest, and I finally listened.

Too much stress can suppress your immune system and cause you to get sick more often. Stress can cause a number of physical illnesses. Symptoms can come on as soon as your level of stress increases and worsens as stress continues.

Prolonged periods of stress can increase your risk of several diseases. I wanted to live, after all, I still have to write that bestselling novel. I decided to try to enjoy myself fully for the remaining two weeks.

So what did I do during my sick leave?

I meditated and spoiled myself. I’ve started practising meditation and became happier because of it. Meditation has helped me learn how to live in the moment and experience the joy of being and peace.

I fell in love with the concept that I can actually sleep for as long as my body needs me to. No early nonsense meetings, coffee with colleagues — my dog woke me up when he needed to go outside, and he too slept in.

I’ve turned off the phone as well — and it did wonders, my friends turned by uninvited and I loved that. Because those who care will show up anyway — I don’t need to be always online. I’ve lived just for today.

I talked and listened. In the afternoon I’ve spent time talking to my family more. Usually, I would feel so tired after work that I would just want to “switch off”. What kind of concept is it?

We should not need or want to switch off. We should be grateful for every second that we have here and enjoy it to the fullest with the closest ones. We should want to be “switched on” as long as we can.

I explored possibilities. I want to change my life. I can’t imagine spending the majority of my life in the office with 20 strangers. I started imagining what my life would look like if I didn’t need money.

I would write.

I wrote every single day and it made me happier than any bonus I’ve received so far from my full-time job, and trust me, there were some really good bonuses. But this also scared me — does that mean that I can only be happy when writing?

I realized that 14 days isn’t enough to make a plan but it is enough for me to make a decision. A decision to extend my sick leave and enjoy every single day doing what I love the most, with the people I love the most and that is what matters.

Thank you for reading.

This story was oridinally published here.