How to Handle Cyber Bullying

When I started blogging at twelve, I never thought I could turn a website into a business. My ultimate plan was to inspire other young adults and escape the bullying I was enduring in high school. Making money, hiring employees, and becoming an LLC was not in the books. Neither was putting my entire life on the internet. I realized quickly that my life was no longer a secret and sacred place. Everything I put on the internet was going to be there until I die, and anything I was to say on TV was going to either get me major love or major hate.

Growing up in that position wasn’t exactly the easiest. I remember my best friend, Ryley, inviting me to a few parties in high school and I’d examine everyone chatting, sipping from their plastic red cups, wishing that it could be me sipping from a red cup and gossiping. I wasn’t anything like the classic college kid because I never fit in, but deep down, I yearned to be living that life. I find myself still wishing, occasionally, that I was in college with no worries and no rent to pay. Wouldn’t my life be easier?

Easier, maybe. Less thrilling? Absolutely.

The Backstory

During my first season at New York Fashion Week, I used my iPad to take pictures at a fashion show. I was a literal nobody, so I was sitting in the second row. If you’re not front row at New York Fashion Week, you may as well be a black blob floating among a bunch of overrated and overdressed showgoers. I took a picture and posted it on Instagram. I captioned the picture “front row at NYFW” because duh, I was fourteen and at fashion week. Why should I act like the pretentious and snobby people I was surrounded by?

Someone who didn’t follow me immediately commented with a snarky comment.

“Front row yet you have pictures of heads in this? What a f****** fake.”

I was shocked. My heart started pounding, and I felt super uncomfortable. I realized that there were a few heads in the picture that I forgot to crop out, yet I had tagged the picture as front row. I was caught out for my action in the most negative way possible.

That was the beginning of my experience with bullying online and in the industry. The fashion world is more like high school than you’d realize. Between snarky comments, bitchy copycats, and a bunch of faker than plastic people all trying to be models and bloggers, I’d say the bullying in this world is worse than high school. Why so? Primarily due to the competition put among people to survive and come out on top.

As I started to gain more attention in the industry and my career, the bullying only got worse. I’d go on Twitter or Instagram one day to see a new comment with someone calling me fat, or ugly, or stupid. People comment on something you spelled incorrectly, or something you visibly altered. People aren’t nice, either. Because of the ability to hide who they are, being honest behind a computer screen is easy as pie.

With apps like Facetune and Afterlight, publishing a picture that doesn’t have you looking flawless is almost impossible. Does #NoFilter even apply if you’ve lost 15 pounds thanks to Facetune?

Growing up in the limelight makes you stronger than ever. However, when someone calls me fat or ugly, refusing to take their words personally is tough.

High School Secrets

I know how easy it is to feel like the world is constantly crashing down around you when you’re in high school. Even if you’re not getting bullied, you’re watching someone else get bullied or bullying someone else. Maybe your best friend is suicidal due to bullying, or maybe your best friend is so insecure she feels the need to put other people down to make herself more confident. Either way, the period between ninth grade to your freshman year in college is an essential year where you will quickly begin to learn who your true friends are. You’ll also realize what you’re willing to endure from other people in your life.

Scary Statistics 

Seven percent of students in grades six through 12 experienced cyberbullying in 2013-2014, according to to the Bureau of Justice. I can’t even begin to fathom what the percentage is now, considering how many more apps and opportunities there are out there each year. We’ve created a world where a teenager committed suicide live on Periscope. Instead of filming herself jumping in front of a train, she should’ve filmed herself heading to a therapist. She must have been in such a deep, dark hole that the only thing she could imagine doing was killing herself

Part of the problem is that we aren’t educated enough on how to handle our level of access to technology. From middle school onwards, young adults are trained on how to avoid using substances and peer pressure, but what they aren’t advised on are the topics more prevalent in their daily life. From Tinder and Grindr (how many of you feel awful when you hook up with someone and they never text you again?) or anonymous apps like Whisper, sitting behind a computer screen and typing has become the new form of communication. Training kids on what to do when they’re being pressured into drinking or having sex is absolutely necessary, but we shouldn’t forget about the other forms of communication that are just as detrimental to our mental health.

The next time someone comments on your picture, or feels the need to put you down, don’t hesitate to reply. I always like to wait a few hours, or even days, before replying to a crappy message, just so you aren’t replying in the heat of the moment. Occasionally, replying to a put down is a waste of your time, though I adore feeling empowered.

For those of you who may be on the more sensitive side, remember that when someone puts someone else down, they’re putting you down to increase their confidence. Unfortunately, due to social media, putting someone down in 2016 is a whole lot easier than it was in 2001, which means you have to be strong enough to stand up and resist the urge to hate back. More often than not, being put down means you’re doing something that someone else wishes they could do.

Fast-Forward 

When I was in middle school, a bunch of girls attacked a birthday post I had hanging up on my locker. They wrote words like the C word, the B word, and every other hateful word in the book. I felt destroyed. I was even called a slut, which made me slightly happy, because to be a slut, you have to actually talk to guys, right? I totally wasn’t talking to any guys, but the fact that people thought I was made me want to jump for joy.

The principal and my mom got involved, and I ended up getting called in for a school meeting. I was crying, and my mom was threatening to contact the girls who had done this. The principal nodded her head in agreement, and all she said was:

“I understand. Just realize these girls are jealous of your daughter. They don’t know how else to deal with their insecurities, so they take it out on an easy target.”

I was confused. Why would a bunch of popular girls be jealous of someone like me?

Looking back, the principal was right. Why wouldn’t a bunch of popular girls be jealous of someone like me, who was so motivated to live her own life and do her own thing? In high school, being part of the crowd is as important as what you’re wearing.

It took me a strong four years until I realized that being different is so much cooler than being another popular girl.