How exercise changed my life

Life can be tough, but people can be even worse. Since a young age I have been smaller than everyone else.

From the young age, I have experienced a feeling of envy and jealousy. ‘why can’t I grow like other kids’, ‘why am I this weak’, ‘why do I have to look like this’. At that time these were some of the questions I had in mind, some of you might think were you bullied and to be sincere I never took it like that, in my head was more of the luck of the draw.

While all of this happened to me, I’ve never felt the need to talk about it to someone else, this caused me to close up and deal with my problems the only way I could, which was to suck it up and be a man, whatever that means.

I stopped talking to the kids at school because I was misunderstood a lot and to top it up, I was a new student and a foreigner which did not help my case.

I remember around year 10, I decided to exile myself from everyone in the school, I would still talk with a few people but just when was entirely necessary and never speaking more than a few sentences to them, this went on for 2 years now looking back this negatively impacted me because it just turned the all process of learning the language 10 times harder but when you have other people in mind that’s what happens it was a good lesson on how not to let people affect you.

Back to the story in those 2 years, all I did was literally ‘inhale and exhale’, I was living in autopilot mode, go to school come home play games and repeat. Yes, pretty sad!

I do have to admit playing games was my way to escape reality because no one knew who I was, how I looked and that only meant I didn’t have to carry the insecurities I build from those previews years to the virtual world.

While playing games, I’ve found communities that accepted me not based on anything previously stated but just pure good vibes and skill in the game and that felt amazing to be part of something like that. For the first time I felt included even though sounds so strange since these people are a bunch of virtual characters without any real connection with me yet we managed to talk for hours, laugh, get mad at each other, rejoice in victory and be upset in defeat.

I remember working so hard to be more skilful and the strongest I could possible be, it was truly amazing the way we process feeling and create connections those were happy times.

As some of you might know, the virtual world as an expiry date and mine was about to expire.

After exiling myself from people for two years and graduating about to change schools, I noticed that I really wanted to change the person I have become. It turned out to be rather hard, after all two years avoiding human interactions does not make you the most charismatic person in the room.

As I began college, I took the decision of using this time to better myself something I never gave too much though before, I started with my social skills, at first my interactions felt really awkward but it got better with time I was tuning my social skill around people in general, I was going out more regularly with some friends I made in college.

I stopped gaming for the majority of the time if not at all because I attributed gaming to escaping real life and that was not where my focus was at that point in time all I wanted to do was live life.

After college I was getting ready to go to university, but I was so infatuated with bettering myself that didn’t want to stop at social skills I wanted more and that when I noticed I could work in myself, so I took a gap year.

I started my first job and it payed relatively well and with more money I started investing in I and my body.

Starting the gym was scary, looking at everyone else’s physiques. This made me start to compare to my non existing physique a small, skinny, and weak looking body.

As you should know this is not the best mindset to have when you are a beginner.

This leads to problems such as anxiety.

Without saying, while I was inside the gym, I could not handle the pressure of comparing myself to others and I left that gym within 5 minutes. These 5 minutes felt like an eternity, I could not figure out my way inside the gym which made my anxiety kick in and I left.

A week later, I wanted to try again, somehow, I thought I was prepared to deal with my fear. I changed my mind after 10 minutes in and that same awkwardness I felt the first time I was in the gym once more got the best of me.

Working out proved to be harder than it sounded but that first month really tested me to the core, every time I finished a workout I always dropped on the floor in a foetal position for a few minutes. It shows when you plant hard work you, harvest the fruits of your labour. It was a reward that could be compared to feeling at peace.

It was so gratifying to work on myself and truly commit to my body and health. At this point I was addicted and faithful to the workout, but it was always easy because motivation will fuel you in the beginning and my motivation was in borrowed time. Eventually it did run out, I stopped going to the gym for 3 weeks after 3 months of commitment.

New Years' came and I lost a few abs, that I worked so hard for. I had to go on a diet to get those abs, let us say I was not ready to give it all up.

Once more I decided to go back, and this time put even more work than before. I did some research about nutrition to take it serious once more. The true gains showed up when I stopped drinking alcohol and sleeping late while reducing the number of times I went out.

The point is that working in yourself, being working in you, your lifestyle or your social skills is hands down the greatest investment you can make in yourself because you get to come close to the person you want to be bit by bit, always aim for consistency and not for fast achievements.

And remember ‘the pain of progress hurts less than the pain of remorse’.