How I Changed my Body, Health, Anxiety & Fitness

I have always been relatively smaller than all my peers and around the age of 18, 19 I wanted to better myself and fitness was a very good starting point.

At first being an absolute beginner can be very hopeless since you anything about fitness.

Personally, I would advise you to do a bit of research consequently eliminating that lost feeling some of us had the first time we stepped inside a gym.

Find a free program you can follow because if it is too demanding you probably will not stick with it and after that get your gym membership.

I remember the first time I went to the gym, looking at everyone else’s physiques. This made me start to compare to my non existing physique a small, skinny, and weak looking body.

As you should know this is not the best mindset to have when you are a beginner.

This leads to problems such as anxiety, a complex of inferiority and low self-confidence.

Without saying, while I was inside the gym, I could not handle the pressure of comparing myself to others and I left that gym within 5 minutes. These 5 minutes felt like an eternity, I could not figure out my way inside the gym which made my anxiety kick in and I left.

A week later, I wanted to try again, somehow, I thought I was prepared to deal with my fear. I changed my mind after 10 minutes in and that same awkwardness I felt the first time I was in the gym once more got the best of me.

Another week went by, at this point I did not want to picture myself inside a gym because what was the point of going and not being able to do anything. I ended up giving up the gym for a month.

I played a monthly subscription to step inside that gym no more than 2 times for a total of 15 minutes.

I figured well ‘I tried, and it doesn’t work for me’.

That statement right there was just an excuse I made up to appease my mind from the fact I accepted failure. I believe failing teaches an important lesson.

The problem is that we try to normalize failing and not trying again that it is where it becomes wrong.

I went back to the basics and figured I was lacking something important. I went back into research mode and started to watch videos on YouTube to restore my courage and willingness to get the body I wanted.

First, I had to deal with the main problem, my anxiety was the main reason I could not workout. I realized that the only way to overcome this problem was by finding something.

I was hoping to push forward and compensate the fact my anxiety was holding me back.

My solution to this problem was to invest money in fitness by buying supplements, a proper program, and another monthly membership.

At that time being 18 and investing in £200 towards fitness was a hefty investment for me. Nonetheless it had to be done. This changed the way I thought because now I had to do this otherwise, I am losing money.

That single thought was a driving force to overcome that extreme anxiety I had.

However, it was not like my anxiety vanished from the face of the earth, I still had that little voice at the back of my head, but I chose not to listen to it. I would not let this stop me from getting what i wanted.

I am no doctor but if you are going through anxiety you may want to find ‘why do i feel?’ like that and then move on to ‘how can I solve it?’

With my anxiety more less in control, all I had to do was workout.

I commenced by doing all the bodyweight workouts inside my house.

I would be lifting weights at night when there was no one at the gym or a few people. I kept that routine for over a month, and it helped me a lot with my mindset. I noticed people do not really care about you inside of the gym because everyone is there to work on themselves.

The keywords here ‘working on themselves’ no one is looking at you or comparing their bodies to yours. They might have that look of appreciation for how much work you have put in your body. Apart from this there is nothing and I felt so silly after realizing this.

It was so gratifying to work on myself and truly commit to my body and health. That first month of working out was extremely challenging.

Every time I finished a workout I always dropped on the floor in a foetal position for a few minutes. It shows when you plant hard work you, harvest the fruits of your labour. It was a reward that could be compared to feeling at peace.

On the other hand, motivation will fuel you in the beginning and my motivation was in borrowed time. Eventually it did run out, I stopped going to the gym for 3 weeks after being there for 3 months straight.

At this point in life I was in the university. The parties and alcohol finally caught up to me and I become lazy, I wanted to have fun. The Gym was a lot of fun, yet it was a demanding fun.

It was long term gratification and i was after the instant fulfilment that could be gained at parties.

New Years’ came and I lost a few abs, that I worked so hard for. I had to go on a diet to get those abs, let us say I was not ready to give it all up.

Once more I decided to go back, and this time put even more work than before. I did some research about nutrition to take it serious once more. The true gains showed up when I stopped drinking alcohol and sleeping late while reducing the number of times I went out.

This worked in my favour because now I had more money to invest in fitness. Learning more about nutrition, I developed a way in getting quality and nutritious food for a very reasonable price.

Halfway into the year of dedicating myself to build a new body.

I put on about 12kg/26lbs in weight from the time as I began this journey, I put on approximately 17kg/37lbs of which 10–11kg 24lbs was of muscle mass and the remaining in body fat.

To resume this journey, you should not let your fears stand in the way of your goals and as the fame’s song goes ‘what doesn’t kill, you make you strong.’