Holy Crap I'm 40: I Just Can't Win Edition

The one thing that you do learn at 40, is that life is short. Is my life more than halfway over? Would I want to know the answer to that question? Would you? In any event, in the spirit of life being short, I want to do things that will make my kids happy. This is the reason why they have been driven to 22 out of 30 major league baseball stadiums. Happy kids, happy mom. Happy kids, perhaps a mom that doesn't end up drooling in a nursing home with no one coming to visit her. I will do whatever it takes, no matter how extreme. But even if we have the best intentions, it doesn't mean the outcome will be the one we want. A mom can still dream though!

Perfect Family Vacation

Because I am a totally selfless person, for my 40th birthday I wanted to do something really special. In lieu of diamond earrings (which I probably wasn't going to get anyway), I told husband #1 (who is my current husband, don't know if there will ever be a husband #2) that we should take our lovely boys on a cruise. He wanted to go with just me (go figure). I thought it would be nice to take the kids on a vacation that didn't involve a Motel 6 or peeing while the minivan was moving. Can you tell that we take really classy vacations?

For several weeks, we have kept this secret from the kids. I was more excited about surprising them than I was about the actual cruise. Every time I would see one of those commercials on TV where the parents would surprise the kids with a trip to Disney World and the kids would scream their heads off with delight, I got so happy because I knew my kids reaction would be so similar and we would be making all of their dreams come true. After all, don't all boys want to spend a week on a boat with their parents? How could this plan every go awry? I was even daydreaming about how long it would take for our family Youtube video to go viral.

The day came when we were telling the kids. Everyone was sitting around the kitchen table and I was all set to video the magical interaction. This selfless act would cement my reputation as the best mom in the whole entire world. And then we told them.

Not Quite the Reaction I Was Looking For

Who was I kidding??? What dream world had I been living in? Son #1 informed me that he would rather stay home and I was ruining his life and his vacation because the Minnesota Vikings were playing and son #2 said he would rather go to a Rams game in Los Angeles. The love and gratitude was just pouring out of everyone and I even said a few choice profanities that I haven't said in years. Well, maybe not years, maybe a few hours.

It was very bad. There were even tears being shed. Are you kidding me?? I nursed each of these kids for almost a year, my boobs now hang down to my belly button and they are complaining about going on cruise? Do they not know about the starving children in Africa? I can't even say that they were acting like spoiled brats because they wanted to stay home and not go anywhere. For a split second, I was imagining myself on a boat by myself...

The worst part of the whole thing being that husband #1 was right; He knew this was going to happen. Did he know this because he didn't want to go either? That being on a cruise meant that he wasn't going to be able to watch football? What is it with men and their footballs? I just wanted a nice family vacation to celebrate a milestone birthday.

In the end, we went and it was memorable. Because moms are always right. Don't tell anybody...