Getting Old

Written by Brian Salkowski

The past seems so long. It’s not just “long ago” but actually this vast stretch of time that we can’t recover. We won’t live as long as that. So, the past sometimes makes us feel diminished and—worse—diminishing, as if we’re somehow receding from everyone’s view (including our own). I sometimes try laughing the whole thing off by saying "I really am getting old" or "I hate getting old"

But I don't believe age defines "old" and I don't think we're looking at getting old the right way.

Sometimes, when we feel old, it’s like we can’t pick up the pieces because no pieces are left to pick up. We feel bereft, like we’re still starting from Square One. There is a lot of pondering. As we age we think about the regrets. We go over in our head the "what if's" and the "I could of's". That kind of constant thinking can be quite depressing.

We’ve all heard of people who are Peter Pans, stuck in their youthful development with no thought to the future. Sometimes, those people are happy, but it finally becomes a problem as they age. They fall out of sync with people who have gotten on with their lives, put down roots, made something of themselves and pursued a career. By the time old age comes around, the Peter Pans are standing around with not much to hold onto; everyone else has their family, long-standing friends, career options where experience may still outweigh age.

While we lead our lives in daily increments, we have to project ourselves into the future. “Who will I be, where will I be, five years, ten years, thirty years from now?” That’s not to say that everything should be mapped out and locked up—that would be impossible and profoundly limiting. But we should be willing to define ourselves so that we can delineate the contours of a life. Maybe it’s by making friends who will stick around; maybe by starting a family, pursuing a career, even developing a hobby that will sustain us. Life doesn’t reward the haphazard.

Two hundred years ago, lifespans were shorter. People didn’t move around so much. They were situated in extended families in tight-knit communities. Almost by default, people knew them; they had a place. But it’s different now. It’s possible to become anonymous quickly, and to stay that way—for a very long time. “Dropping out” now applies to anyone—even if they’ve worked and made friends—who’s neglected to connect long-term, or to impress someone with their continued usefulness.

In pursuing happiness, we have to think of the long term. Will what I am doing today add up (emotionally, professionally, in terms of my own self-respect)? We don’t have to stop and think every time we date someone new, but we have to get some sense of where things are going.

Am I just having fun, or am thinking about the direction of my life? Will I ever be able to try new things? That is the key and what I like to say "aging with grace". Questions like these can use up precious time. Being fully aware that you are no longer young is the first step and nothing is wrong with that.

We always thought we were set in stone and actually we are not & never will be. Once you accept that, the thought of getting past 50, 60 years old turns out to be not so dreary. Each day is new and ripe for adventure. No matter what your age is.