Can’t Get Over the Death of a Loved One?

Can't get over the death of a loved one, do you feel that you don't have the strength to face and accept reality? Although you hear from close friends that "time heals", it seems to you only a superficial and pointless reply. You hear that "I know how you feel, it will pass" and you get angry at the stupidity of those who assume they know how you feel and what will happen.

How can anyone know what you are going through when you have not experienced what you are going through - for everyone, the loss of a loved one is experienced differently.

When you can't get over the death of a loved one, a family member, you feel that no one can understand you, that no one feels and felt everything you feel - and that's normal because losing someone is something that everyone will experience.

In his way. Some may tell you about the stages you are supposed to go through denial, shock, complaint, acceptance. Although everyone around you has only good intentions, they may not understand that you will experience the loss in your way and you will go through some stages or not. Some seem to accept reality faster, others seem to be unable to reconnect to everyday life for a long time.

When you can't get over the death of a loved one, you can try to be realistic, think that this is the reality, that everyone who is born has an end - and so we all lose loved ones and we all disappear.

But how does this help you? Because even though death is an inevitable reality, it still doesn't help you accept that that person has disappeared from your life, it doesn't help you find answers and accept that this is how it was.

The loss of a loved one puts you face to face with something terrible, something that no one is ever ready to face. And the pain is even stronger, as you can't find a meaning: why? Why he/she, why now, why did something like this have to happen?

The idea that everything happens with a sense seems stupid, irrelevant, childish - what sense does it make, you do not find anything meaningful in this whole situation. Especially when a loved one disappears ahead of time, it seems impossible to find any meaning in all this.

But maybe it's not in your power and anyone else's to find and know the meaning - to torment yourself in trying to somehow justify your loss is too painful a search. Good people often suffer bad things - this is our life, and it makes sense to us, and maybe we should stop looking for it all the time.

When you can't get over the death of a loved one, you break away from the world, from your daily life: everything suddenly seems different and you can't imagine how to continue as if nothing had happened. You see around you people who continue to live as usual, who can still laugh and smile - even family members who seem to accept the loss that has marked you far too easily.

However, try not to judge them - everyone feels different, lives differently. Try to get rid of the emotions of envy and resentment: why don't they suffer, how can they continue their life? Let others know who you are and focus on your feelings.

Do not try to force yourself to do what your loved ones advise you to do to get over the death of your loved one: some will tell you to try to keep yourself busy at all times; maybe they will tell you that isolation hurts you and you have to stay with them; maybe they'll tell you not to think about what happened.

But how can you not think, when whatever you do, the pain is so vivid? Although for some it works to stay as busy as possible and stay with other people, to do their routine, if you do not feel able, then it is not your way. Don't force yourself if you can't.

On the contrary, it may help you to stay alone for a while, to cry as much as you need to lose (don't listen to those who tell you "it's been too long, you have to come back" - everyone cries as much as they need to). Whatever you do, don't repress your emotions - accept what you feel and live what you feel.

When you can't get over the death of a loved one, you often want to see no one else - and a period of loneliness can help. Do not force yourself to go out or be with people as long as you do not feel ready. And yet, one thing that can help you is to talk: just talk, say how you feel to someone who will listen to you without coming up with clichés like "everything makes sense", "it will pass", "go out and have fun" -te "and others.

Maybe someone in the family who is suffering in turn; maybe a friend who is a good listener; maybe a therapist who will listen to you and help you accept the loss in time, without rushing or pressing; you can even write on a blog, on a website.

The idea is not to keep everything to yourself, to pour out your pain, frustration, fear, loneliness, confusion, anger. One more thing about isolation: even if you feel the need, try not to forget, if you have children, their pain and confusion: for them and only for them, try not to stay in isolation for long, to stay with them, just to stay with them…

Faith, however, can bring you relief - maybe talking to a priest helps you; Maybe just trying not to lose faith, not to lose hope helps you. Like pain, sadness, and anger must be somehow externalized: talking to someone, whoever listens, is good.

And fear can be overwhelming: death always brings fear and destroys confidence in something certain. There are emotions that you have to experience and face in your way.

Losing a loved one can also cause you guilt and regret: you may regret that you never said anything to him, that you did not show him enough care and love, that you did not say goodbye. Guilt has no meaning, and the person knew how he felt.

It doesn't matter if you say goodbye - it matters everything you lived with the person; no matter the small quarrels - the beautiful moments together matter, they will always remain.

Don't give yourself a time limit to get over the loss - everyone will be able to continue their life at their own pace. And although over time, it will become easier, there will be days, long after death, days when you don't even know when you almost forget about the loss, and then suddenly the terrible realization comes - which suddenly brings back the pain, almost as alive as it was at the beginning.

It's something you'll have to live with - because the death of a loved one becomes easier to accept over time, but the pain doesn't go away.

If you learn something with the loss of your loved one, then you learn to live with the pain, to accept it, and to continue your life and you also learn how precious the people around us are really; so, let us enjoy the moments we have with our loved ones, with those we still have close to us.

We continue to do what we do, change after the loss, maybe stronger because we live with it, maybe more grateful for what we have… But first, we have to live our pain in our way, without running away from it - you can't run anywhere, that's why you have to fight…