Autism

Who doesn’t have some form of autism? I don’t know anyone who says they don’t have some sort of disorder. It seems as if we need this label to feel part of the group. People get annoyed if something hasn’t been hung up right, or someone hasn’t buttoned their shirt right. Everyone is busy making everything “perfect” but my question is why? This is what I am going to find out.

My Own Diagnosis

Just before summer started, I had done some tests myself, mostly because I had been dealing with some depressed periods over the last six years and the depressive thoughts had become more serious. I had started to think of self-harm and suicide. My friends and mom could see me sink deeper and deeper into these thoughts. My mom wanted to find out what had been going on with me and still is going on. I had seen a counselor that year and she advised us to do those tests.

The tests were quite normal. They were IQ tests and my mom had to sum up my whole life up until that day. Out of all those tests, they made a conclusion. "Your IQ is around the average for your age, but IQ by itself doesn't mean anything. It is about what you do with it. What we learned from your tests is that you learn better when you can see the material instead of just listening to someone talking." For school, this is quite nice information but I didn't understand what it had to do with my mental health.

So she went on. "We also notice that in a social situation where it is just the two of us, your answers on my questions were short and easy. Like you were avoiding conversation." This, in my case, is very true. I feel very uncomfortable in social situations so I avoid them most of the time, but since we are moving and I started at a new school, this has been very difficult. It is a small school with no place to hide from people, not like I have tried. I actually enjoy the time I spend with people a little more. When I get home, I am exhausted but that is only normal. For someone like me, social situations take a lot of effort.

Psycho Education

After that meeting, she gave me and my mom the choice. I could get psycho education at home—this is when someone meets you at your home to help you understand your autism and teaches you some tricks to make it easier to deal with. The other choice was about the same, only then you would work with a horse while you are learning those things. We chose the first one.

It was mostly because I am quite scared of animals. They are unpredictable and can suddenly do something when you don't expect it. She thought that was funny because people are more unpredictable than animals. What she didn't know is that I learned how to not get a reaction out of people. I learned to be quiet and invisible, but it is impossible to never get a reaction from someone so when someone did get mad at me, I didn't know what to do.

Now I have had two meetings with my—as I call it—therapist. Since I am moving, we need to find someone else to help me and school isn't really helping either. I am in need of some guidance again but there is no way for me to get it yet. We will only move into our new house in December. Until then, I don't officially live in this city and I can't find a way to get the help I need, which is very frustrating.

Why are there so many labels?

These labels are made to make people understand what is going on with them better—just as so many people use the word depression for a period in their life that isn't going so well, even though many know that they don't have depression. All these labels are being tossed around like it's nothing. I believe that there are people who actually have some wrong wiring in their head.

There are just many people who go through rough periods, who need some answers and give themselves an autism label, which is wrong, but understandable. People need something to understand the things going on in their head, and because all of these labels are created, it is easier to do so. I am just not sure this is the way. I know many people who could use some help figuring themselves out.

I hope everyone gets the help they need.