A Letter to My Period

Dear Periodianna,

I could have started this letter with "long time no see," but that would be an outright lie wouldn't it? You just manage to show your face every month and the truth is one month is too short for me. I'm writing this letter to you to tell you how I feel. The relationship we're in is not healthy; I mean, you put so much effort into making this relationship work and the only reason I'm in this relationship is because of my gender status. Don't you get tired? Like seriously? In a normal relationship both parties have to put in effort for it to work. So, since we last saw each other I've been doing some thinking and I've come to the conclusion that you're a freak, a psychopath and a stalker; I mean who visits their "friend" with blood and pain? You have it in your head that being female is enough effort. But there are different kinds of relationship aren't they? And after putting into account both mine and fellow XX chromosomes' experiences I can say this with confidence that you are an UNFRIENDLY FRIEND in other words my ENEMY.

Almost all females have a countdown to your arrival and this is because you always come unexpectedly and sometimes even after counting properly you come too early or very late and you're like SURPRISE! The worst part about your visitation is that you managed to pick up some goons on the way, the PRE guys and the PRESENT guys; do they ring any bells in your head? No? Ok, let me explain, the PRE guys or what we females like to call PMS are the group of little goons that announce that you're on your way, they wreak havoc to my life in general. Mood swing is so proud and mannerless, the ache group is inconsiderate, fart, breakouts(acne) and panic are just embarrassing, the only good thing you picked was full breasts (coming from a size B). Thank you, but you just couldn't let full breasts come alone, you had to add breast sensitivity. Then when you show your ugly head you come with the PRESENT guys, especially cramps and throw up, it's like you punish me for everything I did when you were not around, you poke your head here and there and you're like OH so she had ice-cream, chocolate, sweet things and everything nice, hey cramps!! Double your effort!!! Then cramps in an effort to please you triples his effort, seriously?? God help me if I try to get pregnant when you were not around, I don't even know what you'll do then. You practically kill me when you come twice a month, because you came so early you just have to me again that same month.

But after everything, if I don't see you on time—since I'm still a teen and I'm not yet looking forward to making babies—I get super scared. Remember the last time you didn't come for 2 months straight, you got me worried; I even thought I was pregnant even though I had not had sex that year. Some people managed to beat your PRE and PRESENT guys but you just hate me so much don't you? Scientist even tried to make things better by creating drugs but you found a way to make me have ulcer as a side effect of the drug. Damn You!!!!! *sobs sobs sobs* I think YOU need to rethink our relationship, please have mercy.

P.S. I have been waiting for you, where are you? I-I-I m-miss you*sobs*