A Good Breath of Fresh Air

Ah, lockdown a strange concept that people used to associate with something dramatic and intense in movies. For 2020 its become something a lot more real and has resulted in millions of people being confined to their homes for months on end. As its been 6 months of this, you're probably wondering why I'm relaying information you already know (well firstly there is a word count for submissions), but namely its context to what we're now going through in the UK; a weird amalgamation of lockdown but not lockdown.

I would try and explain better what our government is doing but its too confusing to the point where no one actually knows what the proper rules are, and also its kind of depressing to think about. Instead, I'll talk about walking (yes, another thrilling topic, from the writer of a whole article on British weather). Hear me out, since the company I work for allowed us back into the office (allowed, forced, pretty much the same thing at this point), I have been trying to re-embrace life outside the four walls of my house. One way I've been doing this is by joining my colleagues on their walks. Weirdly, this wasn't the worse idea I ever had.

Why talk about walking?

Well, this is slightly too late, but at the beginning of lockdown, when the sun was bright and actually cutting through the blustery wind, loads of people in England were going for walks. If anything it was less about exercise and more about escaping the confines of their homes. I attempted this for a couple of days, but as a self-proclaimed lazy person, it wasn't long before I gave up and got myself comfortable in the corner sofa I would soon call my "comfy office".

However, I was still able to see pictures on Instagram, watch videos on YouTube, and even hear from friends and family, all telling me about their daily walks. The resounding message was that it made everyone feel slightly better about the predicament we'd all found ourselves in. It wasn't until we were three months into lockdown, and I was pulling my hair out with boredom and regret, that I realised all the time I could've joined in the walking probably would've helped me break out of the suffocating feeling my house was, unfortunately, imparting on me.

It takes time and patience...

As we entered August, the 6th month of lockdown, I had spent very little time outside of the house. Other than visiting family and friends when I could, I wasn't taking time for myself and going outside, just to get away from all the stress and anxiety I didn't realise I had. The company I worked for had asked us to start working in the office again, and for the first time, I felt a little renewed, able to escape my house and integrate myself with the outside world. This wonderful feeling lasted about a week.

Turns out spending 6 months indoors, going through the same cycle of working and sleeping under one roof, has more of an effect on a person than can be fixed in one week. Especially as I already suffer from anxiety, I was unable to see just how far I had gone into the murky depths of lethargy and sadness. So numb I was to everyday life that we all enjoyed pre-march, that I soon found myself stuck in another loop of work and sleep, even with the rest-bite of a half-hour drive.

There I was, back in the office. On the surface, I was happily talking with people I'd only seen on screen for months, yet in my mind was a mist, clouding my ability to see how lucky and happy I actually was with the situation. Hilarious conversations would provide me with minutes of genuine laughter, soon swallowed up by the numbness I struggled to shake.

Joining the colleague march...

Unfortunately, not as empowering as the headline makes it out. It was in August, that a colleague of mine asked if I wanted to join her and some people she knew on a walk around the outside of our building. I knew what she meant, as I'd spent many months the year before rolling my eyes at all of them going for a midday walk.

The snobbery I exuded came from a place of confusion, we were there to work and then go home to our normal lives. Walking during the workday just seemed ridiculous. How wrong I was.

With a numbness weighing my body down that day, I wasn't really in the mood to be working. So I accepted my friend's offer and joined her and others on the walk. Although I didn't know her friends, I found myself rather easily integrating myself in their conversations, the walk actually bringing me back to life slightly. As it was the middle of the British summer, the walk was reasonably warm and sunny, the intense rays warming my skin, and fresh breeze starting to blow away the fog that clouded my mind.

Once we'd got back to our desks after a brisk half-hour walk, I found myself feeling refreshed and energised. Suddenly the heavy feeling I'd previously felt was gone. Yes, there was a sense of sleepiness from the sun, but I actually wanted to work - powering through a lot of the tasks I'd set for myself.

I repeated this task for the rest of the week, joining them in embracing the final moments of warm and sunny weather before the cold Autumn breeze ushered in. Gone was the numb and bored feeling that I had developed over lockdown, now I was a reasonably energetic person, ready to face the day (after a couple cups of tea obviously).

So, why have I rambled on about walking?

In conclusion, of this long winding article on my discovery of a good walk, I offer you this. Are you currently feeling under the weather, down-trodden by the seemingly endless monotony that lockdown has brought? Hey, it might not be lockdown thats affected you, maybe something in life just isn't blending well with you at the moment. What I would suggest is taking the time out of your day to go outside. Is the weather a bit rubbish? Take an umbrella, go for a drive, anything to just get away from the house.

I've long struggled with anxiety and depression, constantly moving up and down through the emotions they bring. Time and time again I've been told that keeping myself isolated in the house isn't good for my mental health. Turns out it took for a world-wide lockdown for me to actually discover those people were right. Even now as I write this, I've had a particularly crap headspace day, but I'm waiting for the drive I take to pick my boyfriend up from work. We talk and sing-a-long to songs on the radio. The perfect pick me up for an overall rubbish day.

So embrace the outdoors. Open your door, take a deep breath, and walk.