New Year, Same Me

This New Year, I'm trying something different.

The past three years have been... not great, to say the least. Challenging, and not in the fun way that Vocal Writing Challenges are. Difficult, as a vast understatement. Attempting to keep my New Year's Resolutions has been just one more stress, during times when I'm already juggling several stresses too many for my mental health to handle.

Besides, past New Year's Resolutions have always been about "fixing" something I see as being wrong about myself.

• Making a set number of new friends, or re-gaining the favour of fair-weather friends who abandoned me for someone newer, more popular, 'better' than me. As if friendship were measured by the quantity of friends, rather than the value of those friends I did have.
• Gaining a well-paying job, so I could build up my bank account and be considered rich. There were some years where that was simplified down to "get a job, any job" because Bills and Living Expenses don't vanish just because you're broke. Time, however, has taught me that it's not just the paycheque that matters. A good and supportive work environment, sufficent downtime and adaquate leave, and good management are also essential. A big payslip doesn't mean much if you're spending most of it on therapy and anti-depressants.
• Being "Better". Too many times, this meant pruning my authentic self in order to fit into whatever too-small box that Society demanded as the price for acceptance. I've stopped doing that, because I have people who love me as I am, and while a certain level of Autistic Masking is necessary in professional settings, I'm over making myself small so others can feel bigger.

So, it's the New Year. 2023. More than two decades into the new millenium.

This year, I'm not going to set any specific goals. I'm not going to beat myself up for failing to achieve them, or run myself into the ground attempting to live up to an impossible standard. I am myself, and that is all I need to be.

This year, I'm going to work on loving myself and dialling back on the need for external validation. I'm going to explore my limits without pushing too far beyond them. I'm going to try new things, without committing beyond what I'm comfortable with. I'm going to avoid the activities that make me unhappy and aren't necessary for survival.

I'm going to stop trying to please people who have shown that they will never be satisfied. I'm not going to put up with bad behaviour because it's easier to shrug things off than confront abusers. I am who I am, and I am enough.

Honestly, I'm going to avoid setting expectations for this year in general. I did that in 2020, and 2021, and 2022, and look how those turned out!

Let's all just go into 2023 calmly and quietly. No fanfare, and don't touch anything. Be polite and respectful, and don't tempt Fate. At least, not until Fate is over her current Fickle Dame Fortune phase...

Be kind to yourself and others. Try to extend patience and understanding, before you take offence (this does not apply to racism or bigotry). Expand your horizons, but don't put yourself in a bad place doing so.

May the New Year bring you more joy than sorrow, more laughter than grief, and more good things than bad.

After the last several years, we all deserve a break...

Here's hoping.

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