How to Sleep Better in 2022

How to Get the Sleep You Deserve in 2022

1. Get a really comfy blanket - Blankets are crucial to getting the best sleep possible, it's like a hug if you've never experienced a hug before.

2. Acquire many fluffy animals to cuddle with - If you weren't sleeping good before, you can't begin to imagine how great you'll sleep while inhaling a plethora of pet hair. Fill your bed up with cute cuddly pets and rub their tummies until they fall asleep, you get the warmth and companionship as well as the reward of never being able to enjoy a restful night without eating at least 4 hairs.

3. Make sure you have a good pillow - You're reading a guide on how to get good sleep which means your head is probably really big and also heavy. You're not looking up cryptocurrency or stressfully reviewing bank statements, you're just trying to get the best sleep possible! So make sure that you get a nice thick pillow so you will deaden the sound when you inevitably screech like a banshee into it when you realize you're life is a mess and you waste your time on the internet reading guides written by random people with no real expertise on how to sleep better.

4. Find the perfect sleep soundtrack - Is your head full of intrusive thoughts that prevent you from getting good sleep? What is the point of this all... why do I trudge on... where is my birth certificate? Well drown those thoughts out with the perfect sleep soundtrack! Whether you want to fall asleep to the comforting sounds of rain, a crackling fireplace, or a mixtape of the voicemails your ex left you while they were drunk on New Years Eve!

5. Slip on your comfiest pajamas - Yes, the ones with the hole in it. No, we don't care how it got there. Throw on your comfiest pajamas. Oh, you don't have "pajamas?" Sleeping clothes don't need to match believe it or not, throw some underwear and a shirt on and we'll be happy.

6. Exhaust yourself by reading through old text messages - Nothing is more exhausting and sleep inducing than reading through text messages and reflecting on your relationships with other living people! Remember that thing you wish that you would've said, but didn't? Ponder over that! You'll get super tired because being alive and having meaningful relationships with people is truly exhausting!

7. Do something throughout the day that will leave you feeling accomplished - Feeling accomplished will set you on the right path to avoiding racing thoughts before bed time! Do the thing that you've been dying to do, sub-tweet that person you hate, eat way too much spaghetti, spend 45 minutes doing your hair just to throw it in a bun, send a message to someone that incites a response and then don't respond to them a second time, it's your world baby!

8. Get some exercise - If you work hard throughout the day, you'll be tired by the end of it, right? So get that exercise that you've been thinking about! Walk from your couch to your fridge, look inside, there's nothing there you want right? Walk back to the couch, but maybe there was something good in there so walk on back.

9. Meditate - Restfulness comes from the ability to relax and you can practice relaxing all day and call it meditating and not be accused of being lazy! Bonus points if you light a candle or something.

10. Go rogue and absolve yourself of any human responsibility - The key to the best sleep you will ever get is never having to worry about doing anything ever again, quit your job and drop off the map! No friends, no problem! If you don't have plans or a schedule you will be able to sleep whenever your body tells you it's ready! Throw your entire life away and cuddle up in that cozy blanket, you're set to get the best sleep of your life!